You Know I'm Scared, Right?

Once upon a time I thought I'd be okay
Thought the dreams about him would go away
Once upon a time I thought my heart was whole
But there are pieces missing and I'm alone
Months pass by and I watch them go
I finally give up 'cause you can't kill ghosts

It's been a long time since I felt this way
It's been a long time since caring made me feel afraid
And I'm so scared of you
'Cause when I care
My heart goes with you when you walk away
(and they always walk away)

Tired of feelin' sorry and of feelin' sayd
Gotta move on and quit feelin' this bad
tired of bein' lonely and waitin' around
I'm tired of bein lost, I wanna be found
So I'll open up a little and tear down some walls
It's like jumpin' off a cliff hopin' someone'll catch your fall

It's been a long time since I felt this way

It's been a long time since caring made me feel afraid

And I'm so scared of you

'Cause when I care

My heart goes with you when you walk away

(and they always walk away)

That's why I'm scared, that's why I'm afraid
I'm not sure if I could bear to lose what I'd gain
The hard part isn't givin' my heart away
It's puttin' it back into my chest when you give it back someday

It's been a long time since I felt this way

It's been a long time since caring made me feel afraid

And I'm so scared of you

'Cause when I care

My heart goes with you when you walk away

(and they always walk away)

Just Go Away

I tried to wait, I really did
I waited all last year through chem
I though I'd learned, I really did
But I just felt disappointed
Over once, over again
Finally gave up and now I just pretend
I just don't know how you can't see
And I've say around enough waiting
You know I wish I could just walk away
But I can't seem to change my ways
And I can't think how to save
The heart you hold that I once gave
So I guess we'll play the game
Where i pretend that nothing's changed
So we'll just see how far it goes
I'm putting on quite a show
Ad faking that I don't care
Is not as hard as knowing you really don't care
And what's even worse is that it went so far
and now i just feel stupid

It Was You Who Helped Me Go

I've been sittin' here so long
Tryin' to write you a song
That could maybe explain
The difference you've made

You were the hands to pull me up
The arms to hug me close
You let me learn to trust
When my heart had turned so cold
When I had nowhere to turn
You were there to catch my fall
When there were lessons to be learned
You were there through it all
If I didn't know what to do
I would come to you
And you would remind me of the road
That I was s'posed to be on

You really changed my life
and I think that you should know
That when I spread my wings to fly
It was you who helped me go

There is No Happily Ever After

When Aaron was younger,
he's always been smaller,
He was just like you or me
what his parents told him to be
People sometimes said he didn't smile much
Sometimes they said he didn't laugh enough
When it came time to go, nobody knew why,
Little Aaron might suddenly have a tear in his eye
But he took his daddy's hand and he went away
With that awful look on his face every single day

We didn't know that when we let him go
Aaron's daddy would take him home
And beat his little body with his bare fists
And shout into his face with his flying spit
We didn't know that Aaron had broken bones
had a broken spirit and felt all alone
Sometimes he didn't want to sit in his chair
because his mommy had spanked him 'til it was purple back there

One day Aaron told my mom and dad everything
He didn't cry when he showed the ugly blue-black rings
Left by his daddy's heavy fists
Left by his mommy's anger fits
I took Aaron's hand and I held it tight
I told him I thought everything would be alright
But Aaron didn't move, he just sat like a stone
For and hour and a half he stayed so cold
And just as he began to lift
One corner of his frowning granite lips

Aaron's daddy stepped right through the front door
As me and limp Aaron sank to the floor
I told him that I wouldn't let go
But Aaron's eyes stayed dead, his mouth in an "O"
His daddy took his shirt and dragged him and me
'Cause I couldn't let go after promising
My head hit the door frame, I didn't mean to lose my grip
The last thing I saw were Aaron's reaching fingertips
His daddy put him in the car and and they drove away
And I haven't seen Aaron since that day

Now Aaron spends his days in an empty cell
It used to be his bedroom, now an echoing shell
Sometime his mommy brings him food and he eats off the floor
I don't know how much they let him outdoors
Sometimes I sit outside his window and let myself cry
All the tears Aaron doesn't and wonder why
Who would want to hurt such a beautiful boy?
Who would dare to abuse him like some cheap toy?
And I cry for Aaron, I cry 'cause he won't
As he sits in the dark, hurt and alone

Why Don't I Hate it Here?

I don't wanna go, but I wanna move on
I don't wanna cry but these tears still come
And I hate it here, so just tell me why
I can't stand to leave so I stand and cry
This place, it took me so far away
From everything I knew in just one day
With all I've been through how can I say
I don't hate it here, when did that change?

Well it's you, you've made this place my home
It's you, you told me I could own
My future and my life, through God and Jesus Christ
So thank you, thank you for my life
Just thank you, thank you for these eyes
So I can see the light of this brand new sun rise
It's you, who had the love to say
That everything would work out okay
So from me to you, just thank you

When I had to leave I though my life was over
from everything I knew to trying to start over
When you're hurt that bad it's hard to stay
To just hang on to each new lifeless day
This place, it took me so far away
From everything I knew in just one day
With all I've been through how can I say
I don't hate it here, when did that change?

Well it's you, you've made this place my home
It's you, you told me I could own
My future and my life, through God and Jesus Christ
So thank you, thank you for my life
Just thank you, thank you for these eyes
So I can see the light of this brand new sun rise
It's you, who had the love to say
That everything would work out okay
So from me to you, just thank you

When you're in the dark, there is nothing else
You feel so alone and all by yourself
There's no one to turn to, there's nowhere to run
You hurt so much you just wanna be done
This place it took me so far away
From everything I knew in just one day
With all I've been through how can I say
I don't hate it here, When did that change?

Well it's you, you've made this place my home
It's you, you told me I could own
My future and my life, through God and Jesus Christ
So thank you, thank you for my life
Just thank you, thank you for these eyes
So I can see the light of this brand new sun rise
It's you, who had the love to say
That everything would work out okay
So from me to you, just thank you

I don't want to leave, but I know I'll survive
Moving out, moving forward, to a new life
Now as I look back never thought I'd regret
Leaving the place of so much regret
And this place it took me so far away
From everything I knew in just one day
With all I've been through how can I say
I don't hate it here, when did that change?

Well it's you, you've made this place my home
It's you, you told me I could own
My future and my life, through God and Jesus Christ
So thank you, thank you for my life
Just thank you, thank you for these eyes
So I can see the light of this brand new sun rise
It's you, who had the love to say
That everything would work out okay
So from me to you, just thank you

I'm Eighteen and I'm Not a Legal Adult?

From the December issue of The Brand

Having just celebrated my eighteenth birthday, I am enjoying my status as a legal adult. I no

longer have to worry about Winnemucca’s curfew, I’ve received several calls from military recruiters, and I had the privilege of voting in the presidential election as well; I even emporarily considered moving out just because I could, but concluded a few minutes later that I enjoy the bed and the free food far too much to move out. However, going over my new rights as a legal adult, I realized that I still must wait to receive the full extent of my rights as an American citizen; for some reason I will be denied the right to drink an alcoholic beverage for another three years.

Honestly, I have been unable to uncover a legitimate argument against 18- year-olds drinking alcohol that cannot be easily dismissed. Some have told me that they think it’s a health risk or a safety hazard to 18-year-olds or those around them. But come on, 18-yearolds are permitted to buy and smoke cigarettes, which is not only dangerous to one’s own health, but endangers others as well. Smoking and the second- hand smoke it produces have been linked to such killers as cancer, heart disease, and emphysema. On the other hand, numerous studies have suggested that drinking alcohol in moderation can actually benefit your health. In fact, the Mayo Clinic advises that a moderate alcohol intake of two drinks a day can reduce your risk of heart attack and heart disease, diabetes, and stroke.

What safety hazards does drinking alcohol present specifically to my 18- year-old self that don’t equally apply to my 21-year-old brother? Yes, drinking a bottle of Russian vodka and then driving home, poses a significant health risk both to the drunk driver and others on the road, but is a drunk driver any less drunk on his 21st birthday than his 18th?

Drinking a piña colada doesn’t pose nearly the health risk signing up for the Army might. It’s an honor to have the right to fight and die for our country; it’s a heavy responsibility to be able to influence the future of the world by voting; but for some reason 18-yearolds aren’t equipped with the ability to drink safely or responsibly. If I’m mature enough to be handed an automatic weapon and shipped off to a foreign country to kill the enemies of America, how can I not be mature or responsible enough to drink?

Quantum of Solace

I wrote this review for The Brand, my school's newspaper.

Tuxedos, martinis, and golden guns belong to the world of the dashing James Bond we know and love.

This is not classic Bond.

Connery, Moore, and Brosnan were suave and gentlemanly, and notoriously womanizing; Daniel Craig’s Bond is a rough and rugged representation of the MI6 agent before he became charming or conceived of his infamous “Bond, James Bond” line. A gritty backdrop and a bitter, brooding Bond allow the audience to glimpse the darker side of the British secret agent we once thought we knew. Although I once had misgivings about Craig’s being cast, his performance in “Casino Royale” last year and now “Quantum” have proven him worthy of this newly renovated Bond.

“Quantum of Solace” opens mere moments after “Casino” leaves off. Bond had been enamored with lover Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), who then betrayed her agent boyfriend and committed suicide in front of him by drowning herself. Filled with searing rage at Vesper’s betrayal, but also deeply troubled by his true love’s death, Bond is now smitten with sweet Revenge. Driven by his anger, Bond sets out to get even with the crooks responsible for Vesper’s betrayal and death, and he’ll kill anyone stupid enough to get in his way. Judi Dench plays “M”, Bond’s sensible boss, who finds it increasingly difficult to control an agent who has suddenly and violently turned rogue.

Naturally, Bond’s vengeance is served quite nobly in the end, and naturally his wrath is appeased after shooting, throttling, and killing as many thugs as he can. Just as naturally Bond meets mysterious and angst-filled Russian beauty, Camille (Olga Kurylenko), whom he can’t fall in love with because of Vesper- baggage, but must aid anyway because she’s a damsel in distress out for the same revenge Bond is looking for.

Although “Quantum” has been critically acclaimed for being action packed and “gritty” and “raw”, I find myself missing the old Bond a bit, with his “Bond, James Bond” and his famous martini, shaken not stirred, which have been noticeably absent from the new films. “Quantum” does provide a second look at the womanizing James Bond of previous films, allowing a more real, more human James Bond to emerge. Craig’s performances have truly been top-notch, as he exhibits his expansive range of talent. Whether he’s being angry and smoldering, or seductively chivalrous, or killing someone in cold blood, Craig can pull it off.

In fact, Craig’s emotional Bond proves the most interesting aspect of “Quantum” as the story, which centers around a political message, never gets better than boring. But seriously, it has a boat chase, a car chase, evil villains, sultry women, fancy cars, big explosions, and a good-lookin’ hero- what more could you want from James Bond?

Nicaragua

For all of you wondering about my trip to Nicaragua:

My trip to Nicaragua was incredible. My dad and I drove five hours from Winnemucca to Salt Lake City and then flew out the following morning to Atlanta. We were supposed to fly out from Houston, but because of Hurricane Ike, all flights from Houston were on permanent hold. We met up with a few other team members in Atlanta and then we all flew out together to Managua, the capital of Nicaragua. We stayed in a Best Western there with our whole team and commuted on our bus each day to the little village of Los Brasiles.

We saw about 1,400 people at our clinic over about four or five days. We had a team of around 20 people and then each person had a translator. We were set up in a school so each "clinic" was inside a room of the school. Patients went first to a pastor's station where each and every one of them heard the gospel. Then they went to the nurse's station where they were sorted to whichever clinic they wanted to go to. We had an eyeglasses clinic, a gynocology clinic, a pediatrics/kids clinic, a general med clinic, a dental clinic with cleanings, fillings, and extractions, and even a mobile surgery unit, which was basically a top-rate RV revamped with an OR inside, for minor surgeries. After patients visited with a doctor they were given a "prescription" which they could take to the pharmacy. We had a ton of medications, but of course we were mostly distributing things like tylenol, antiparasitics, antibiotics, cough medicine, vitamins, and other basic medications. In addition to the clinic, our team also held a vacation Bible school for kids and a week-long workshop for about fifteen local pastors and their wives.

I worked mostly in the dental clinic, holding flashlights as lights for fillings and prepping syringes and trays for the dentists. Let me just tell you that extractions are not at all fun to watch. I also got to observe a minor surgery, which was pretty interesting. I worked with the kids quite a bit, in and out of the VBS. They really liked having their picture taken and then seeing themselves on the camera's screen. Our team also split up sometimes to do "house calls" to bring medical attention to the few people who were too sick or too handicapped to make it to the clinic. Unfortunately, if they were too sick come a short ways to the clinic, they were usually too sick for us to help them in any substantial way. My dad and I went on a couple of house calls, but we weren't able to really provide any medical aid so much as spiritual support.

At one particular home, where a family of eleven lived, we saw several patients. The grandmother had had hip surgery a few years ago, but her hip hadn't healed correctly and as a result she could no longer walk without excruciating pain. We provided the woman with some painkillers, but could do nothing for her legs, even though she pleaded with us to give a medication that would let her walk again. Her son had been an alcoholic for most of his life and had probably been sick for a long time. By examining him we discovered that his liver and kidney failure was pretty advanced; we gave him some medication for pain, but his condition is fatal. The last family member we saw was the sixteen-year-old granddaughter who was pregnant out of wedlock. The girl had a minor rash, so my dad gave her a cream that would take care of it. Just by chance (or maybe it was a God thing?) my dad had happened to bring his fetal Doppler heart tone monitor. When that girl heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time...it was so amazing. Our translator was just as moved as he said "There is life!"

By Saturday we had packed up the temporary clinic, but we planned to make a quick stop at the dump, which is pretty much acres and acres of trash. For as far as you can see, it's just mountains of trash in all directions. The worst part isn't the garbage, it's the thousands of people who live inside the dump, collecting and selling recyclables because they have no other way to survive. We had thought Los Brasiles was poor, but the dump community was the definition of abject poverty. These people had made their homes out of trash and scraps from the dump. It was especially sad to see barefoot kids, clothed in rags, collecting trash for their families.

We left on Sunday, from Managua to Atlanta to Salt Lake again. Unfortunately, our luggage was lost because we switched flights, but it was delivered to our home Monday morning. The five hour drive back from Salt Lake Sunday night was a time for reflection and digestion of all that we'd seen and experienced. I went to school the next day and my dad returned to work and even though it seems like our routines haven't changed, I know neither one of us will ever be the same.

Coming back to the States after a trip like this is difficult. To see the opportunities and freedoms and luxuries we as Americans are afforded is astounding. In a few days you'll sit down to a huge thanksgiving meal, and as you do that remember what God has given you and really really thank Him for that. And please say a prayer for the Nicaraguans in Los Brasiles and in the dump, that God would bless them and take care of them and that they would come to know him. This account has taken me numerous sit-downs to write, so I apologize that it's taken me so long. And this isn't even the whole story. It's so hard to put into words the sights and sounds and tastes of Nicaragua, the poverty, the pollution, the people. But this is the best I can do.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support,


Katy

Niceragua

My dad and I leave for Nicaragua September 13. Keep us in prayer...

Forever is a Long, Long Time

And I haven't written in forever. But here I am, writing again. When life gets busy and full, it's hard to try to justify putting my thoughts into cyberspace. Anyway, I just got back from CAMA Camp and it was amazing as usual. But Camp this year was more than "usual". I met a lot of new people and I'm beginning to realize that even though I only see these people once a year at this camp, I think they're going to be my life-long friends. I mean, I think it's these people who are going to be the ones I can turn to in times of trouble.

So Camp is physically exhausting, you know, but more than that, it's like standing under the Niagra Falls of God and Jesus and faith and Christianity and spiritual warfare and worship and yeah. It's an incredible sensation to be totally immersed in God and in the Word for an entire week. And I feel my faith being built and I feel God tugging on my heart and I can hear His voice again and what a joy that is. To have gone so long without thinking about what God wanted for me- that was just wrong. But I'm back on the path now. I'm picking my way along the straight and narrow and I'm setting out, I'm resolving, I'm vowing to use this next year to become more like the woman God wants me to be. I'm going to be growing a lot this year. I think God is really going to be stretching me and I'm going to try to really read my Bible everyday and dig in to the Word and I'm going to relinquish control. I don't know if you know how hard that will be for me, so let me explain. I'm a little OCD, I guess, and I'm a very controlling person. I like to have control of my life. I need to have control of my life, but I can't do it anymore, it's just too much weight, too much for me to carry on my own, so God is gonna have to help me from now on, because I have to give it up. There's this Hillsong song that the speaker at camp played one night and it goes "Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down, rid me of myself, I belong to you" And that's so true for me.

Here's a shout-out to John and Keshia, Dan and Mel, Damaris and Hannah, Connor and Lace. Love you guys.

THAT girl

I don't really know why, but for some reason I'm not "That" girl. I'm not the girl guys seem to ask to lunch or dinner or dances. And for a while I struggled with that, wondering "what's wrong with me? why am I so undesirable?" But the thing is, as far as I can figure, I wouldn't really want to be That girl anyway. Being That girl means I have to be someone I'm not, and I know that there are certain, great qualities about me that prevent me from being Her. And I think that's a good thing. I don't want to be someone else; I don't want to be That girl; I just want to be me.

Philosophical Question of the Day:

If we all boycotted crappy movies, would Hollywood stop making them?


Go to Film Fancy to read about Step Up 2: The Streets.

In Flanders Fields

WWI Survivor, John McCrae, wrote this after the battle in Flanders Fields...

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

-John McCrae

Hello World!

I haven't posted in a while, I know. Life has been busy as usual, crazy as always. I'm posting this from my Web Design class at school since I won't have time when I get home on account of my homework load at the moment

I've started a new art project, wire sculpture, and it's proving to be quite difficult for me. But challenges are good for you, so I've embraced this one and trying to wrestle wire will be my greatest endeavor for the next week or so. *insert lol here* :)

I'm heading up a project to have recycling started up at my school again, and it's working! We should be distributing recycling bins for paper this week. We students, there are about six or seven on this project, will have to sort the paper into different categories (white/lined, magazines, newspaper) and also transport it to the recycling center, so it looks like a lot of work from here, but I'm happy we're getting this going.

Also, my school will be starting a printed and online newspaper next year that I was asked to be on, so I'm excited about that. My teacher asked two of his students, myself and another, to design a website for the newspaper as well, so I'm working on construction and mapping the site while Rodrigo builds the css and html necessary.

Love you all, I'll post more soon I hope!

Katy

Jan 07-Jan 08

Hey everyone, here goes this year’s summation…

At the end of last school year I saw both Lowry and HomeLink graduations and both were great. This summer was extraordinarily busy. In June I took a 12-hour road trip with Peter and up to Washington with only two stops (a new record!). He played with a band at the HomeLink graduation and then embarked on a longer road trip with his friends. Mary and I stayed behind, visited relatives and friends and got to visit my old church, Smokey Point Community Church, as well.

I also spent about a week in Newport Beach, California in July, reuniting with old friends and long lost relatives and of course catching a few waves. It was really awesome and I had a great time hanging out with Kurt and John, my cousins. We saw dolphins and nearly got attacked by a shark. Well, actually the shark more got attacked by the lifeguard. Anyway.

Then Mary, my mom, and I took our own road trip up the west coast through San Francisco, California. We toured the Jelly Belly factory (which was interesting, considering my distaste for jelly beans) and the San Francisco Sour Dough Bread factory. We stayed in some quaint hotels, one with a unique jungle theme(!), sampled some crazy cuisine, and then made it up to Washington. Brad met us there and he, Mary, and I were counselors at CAMA Camp for one life-changing, kick-butt week. It was incredible, even with a little drama, a little spiritual warfare, and some vomit thrown in. CAMA Camp is always my refresher before heading back to Winnemucca for school, which starts in August in Nevada.

But we do get out earlier in the year.

School has been good this year. Oh, and ridiculously INSANE. I have a full schedule of seven classes, math, science, English, US history the usual, and I’m taking Spanish, which is great. I really do enjoy the language and I enjoy learning it. Umm I’m taking a web design class and I have the most amazing website now (searchingformywings.net), and an art class. This is my third year of art and it just keeps getting better. I really cannot believe how far I’ve come from three years ago! Art is definitely my favorite class. We’ve done some really, really cool projects this year, including a portrait in acrylics (see it here), that turned out amazing.

This year it’s just testing testing testing! I took the PSAT and the Nevada Reading Proficiency Test in October. I’ll be taking several SATs this year along with the AP exams for English Composition and US History. I’m in the middle of finals week here too, so that’s…fun. The second week after we got back from break is finals week? Who thought that one up, I don’t know.

I’ve been involved in tons of activities in school like National Honor Society, and I was appointed president of the Art Club (which I really did not expect). We’re planning a bunch of big things projects this year, murals and workshops, and art nights and fieldtrips. I’m really excited for our upcoming events.

I've been working for my dad at his office once or twice a week to save money and am enjoying the income. His practice continues to grow and he performed over 140 deliveries in 2007, including 8 Christmas week. My mom is his office manager now and she really likes her job.

My brothers are at The University of Nevada in Las Vegas Film School and they're doing pretty well. They're both working really hard, holding down jobs while trying to keep their grades up as well. But still, both of them agree that college is the best time of their lives and they really love it. Peter's made some amazing new friends, and Brad's learned some more really cool stuff, and I'm excited for them both. We'll see what the future holds for them.

Mary is beginning softball season, keeping up with her impressive class load, and also juggling her leadership activities and Sophomore Class President. She loves taking French and she tried ceramics this year, which has become somewhat of a love/hate relationship. Mary's looking forward to a trip to Paris sometime somehow in her future.

2008 promises to be full of more adventures and more traveling! I’m heading to Washington, D.C. this April for the Congressional Youth Leaders Conference, which I’m especially looking forward to. A big group of us will get to hear from amazing speakers and see the sights and do model congress/model presidential cabinet stuff. I’m hoping it’ll be a great experience. Of course I’m coming back to Washington for CAMA Camp 2008, and hopefully more graduations, but we’ll see. I’m planning on rockin the powder up at Lake Tahoe this ski season. I already got a small taste – it dumped 4-5 feet on us a couple weeks ago, so I’m hoping for more of that!

Our church was planning to send us and a team to India for a missions trip this March, but it looks like we’re going to have to postpone it or cancel it altogether. The church we were to dedicate and work at and some of its members were attacked by Hindu radicals and we do not even know if the church still is still standing. Please pray for the Church in India, there were many churches burned across the state of Orissa in India and 10 Christians were killed. God is good though, and I know that He can bring something good from all this hate and violence.

Hope to see all of you this year, but if I don’t, you know I love you. Merry Christmas, Happy 2008, and Valentine’s and St. Patrick’s and Easter, and any other holidays I’m missing! I love you all and I’m sending you hugs! Here's to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. Here's to never regretting, only learning. Here's to new friends and old friends, lost friends and friends regained. Here's to living life and living passionately, loving wholeheartedly and loving unrestrainedly, speaking honestly and truthfully; to seeing with vision, to looking toward the future, and to another chance to live, love and laugh.

Katy

"Do die is nothing, it is frightful not to live." -From Victor Hugo's Les Miserables

Screaming Doesn't Really Impress Me

Look. There's a time to be a child and enjoy your innocence and naivete whilst you still can, but now it's time to grow up. Grown-ups, when they have a problem don't scream at people. Because that would be immature. And adults, are mature. Babies are not. Babies complain and cry and don't like to get their diapers changed, but someone has to do it. I'm the one changing diapers here, not you. I'm responsible for your safety and for feeding you and for driving you to school on time. I'm sorry if my after school habits inconvenience you. You're just going to have to get over it and have a moment or two of adultness and try to be patient for fifteen or twenty minutes. Make the best of waiting for me to finish my business and try to become accustomed with the idea of "compromising". Adults do that too.

The Drinking Game

Here, in the town where I live, underage drinking isn't some illegal dangerous party thing that kids do to piss off their parents, it's a way of life. I mean, everyone does it. Kids' parents make them alcoholic drinks, get drunk around them, say "Don't do this", and then don't even keep an eye on them. Kids drink because everyone does it, why not them? They drink partly to fit in, but mostly just because it's what you do here. Once you get into high school, it's just what you do. It's not "bad", you won't get caught or be arrested for it because no one cares. It's just the way life is here.

I don't condone it, and I certainly don't participate in it, I'm just trying to understand why my friends get plastered and don't even care.

Love May Hurt, but Losing is Worse

When you lose something that you've convinced yourself is unimportant, it's hard. When you lose someone you didn't know you cared about so much, it's excruciating. You're still allowed to cry when you've broken a good thing up. When you lose someone important to you, especially when you lose them on purpose, it's usually because you told yourself you didn't care. And when you realize what you've just done, it hits you like a load of bricks. You're losing a good thing. You've lost a security. You've lost a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on. You've lost the knowledge that you're cared about by someone you care about. It's a terrible, deep, inexplicable sense of lost. I know that feeling. You tell yourself it doesn't matter, that it will go away. But it doesn't. It lasts a long time and you can't just wipe away the residue. It sticks. Like duct tape. Or like a parasite you don't want, feeding off of your regret and sadness. You will be plagued with what ifs and you will wonder about couldhavebeens. You will hear a certain song, see a certain place, eat a certain food and suddenly want to cry.

It's a loss that time can only make worse for a while. That feeling. That feeling in your chest, that squeezing. That actually physical pain, and that taste in the back of your throat, that does fade after a time.

I'm sorry that this pain has to be yours to bear. And I'm sorry I can't take the burden from you. I wish I could.

Rock the PowPow

PowPow (n.) - [P'ow-pow] - Name given to massive dumps of snow similar to the one Katy experienced yesterday. Syn. powder.

Four. Feet.

And it snowed another foot while we skied. It was amazing. I was skiing through waist deep powder. It was like floating. Or flying. Or just standing still while things like trees came flying at me.

It was beauty incarnate.

It was four feet of beautifully blessed powdery light snow.

I'm in shock. Stunned at the amazingness. And I tore lots of things. Like muscles. And now I hurt. But I so rocked the powpow.

Captain Jack

Title: Captain Jack Mosaic
Completed: 06-07 School Year
Medium: 500-1000 Magazine cuttings

Artworks

Hey Folks! I'm going to start posting my artworks online here and they'll be up at my new site, searchingformywings.net, soon. Hope you enjoy and comment comment comment!

Title: Christian Bale Portrait
Completed: Dec 2007
Medium: Graphite

Christmas 2007

Hi Everybody!
The Granath Christmas video letter will soon be on YouTube (Which is so BA) and I'll post my Annual Update soon too. This has been an incredible year, but the upcoming year looks to be even more phenomenal. 2008 holds a trip to India, my Senior Summer, college apps, CAMA Camp, Washington D.C., skiing at Heavenly, a Washington state trip, and more in store for me. I hope to see you all soon! By the way, happy birthday to Lacey, Pak and Drew, and Raquel and Steven, my December birthdays. Love you guys.

This is my first artwork ever posted online I think. Peter's Christmas present and my latest work.

Swedish Pancakes

In my family, at Christmas time we have Swedish pancakes. They're similar to the French Crepe, but a thousand times better. We use a secret family recipe to make ours, so I'm afraid I can't tell you or I'd have to kill you. The pancakes are small and round and eggy and taste AMAZING rolled around sausage or doused in lingonberry. They really are incredible. They're special though, and we're only allowed to have them at Christmas time.

My mom is cooking Swedish meatballs right now, which smell so. good. I just want to eat the scent that has permeated the entire house. Those are a secret recipe too, but I can tell you that ground beef and ground pork and bread chunks fry up to taste phenomenal. I can't wait to eat them.

Merry Christmas time to all and to all a good night!

I Don't Understand You Either

I'd just like to say some things.

I am intelligent. I am entitled to the education my test scores say I am. If I want to go to Harvard or Stanford or Yale, I deserve the support of my family. It is my parent's job to say "I love you. I want you to do your best in everything. I want you to be successful and amazing and great and to go as far as you can. I will support you and love you no matter what."

That's what they're supposed to say.

Thanks for the "I hope you marry a rich man because otherwise you'll be very disappointed," mom and dad. Thanks a lot.

I'm so glad to know that you're encouraging and loving and that you want me to do my best and go far and that no matter what, you care. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, ask yourself some questions:

"Do I know my daughter?"

"Why is she saying these things?"

"Is she just being dramatic or does she really feel this way?"

"Should I apologize?"

"How can I get to know my daughter for the first time?"

"What is she thinking?"

"What is she going through?"

"What is high school really like?"

"Is her life really a cake-walk like it seems?"

"Should I try to listen more instead of doing all the talking?"

"Should I try to swallow the anger or pride I feel to admit that maybe she's a little bit right?"


And this time, it's not okay if you don't understand. It's not.

Justified

When the thirteen colonies declared their independence from Great Britain, it was a turning point that would alter the course of human history. The Americans’ unlikely victory over their despotic parent country sparked the French revolution only a few years later, and instigated of the spread of the revolutionary idea of democracy. Never before had the idea of a free people electing its government been voiced. The founding fathers birthed the radical idea that the individual had the right to choose his governor. A popular notion is the impression that the colonists began a war over taxes. The Colonies were not justified in waging war against Great Britain because of taxes However, the colonists were absolutely right to fight for their freedom from the cruel tyranny of Great Britain. Unfair taxation was merely the last straw placed upon the colonies’ breaking back that was the catalyst for revolt.

Thomas Whately, architect of the Stamp Act, may have been correct in saying that Great Britain had the right to tax the American colonies because “We [Great Britain] are not yet recovered from a War undertaken solely for their [the Americans’] protection…they should contribute to the Preservation of the Advantages they have received.” However, the tax was not the problem, it was the fact that the colonies were being taxed without their consent that infuriated them so. The thirteen colonies did not go to war over taxes. This is a misconception. Unjust taxation was certainly added to a long list of wrongs, but it was not the only grounds for war.

The reasons for what became known as the Revolutionary War are defined clearly in a document known as the Declaration of Independence, in which the founding fathers stated exactly their motive for going to war. In the middle of the second paragraph can be found this line, which sums up the Declaration as a whole: “But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.” This radical idea was the basis of the Declaration: that the people themselves had the inherent right to decide whether or not their rulers were satisfactory.

For 150 years the American people had suffered, subjected to the whims of a pampered English king thousands of miles away. Thomas Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and John Dickinson together wrote a “Declaration of the Causes and Necessity of Taking up Arms” in order to explain to the American people why the colonies were going to war. In it, they say of the British government, “What is to defend us against so enormous, so unlimited a power?…We are reduced to the alternative of choosing an unconditional submission to the tyranny of irritated [British officials], or resistance by force. - The latter is our choice.” The signers of the Declaration of Independence believed in the ideas stated therein so passionately, that they were willing to risk open war with the world’s superpower. They were invoking one of their “unalienable rights” stated in their new Declaration: “…whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

During the century-and-a-half of the forming of the colonial thirteen states, the people who lived in the New World removed themselves more and more from Great Britain as Great Britain pushed and shoved the colonies further and further away into the corner, seeing them as nothing more than a money machine. American colonists should have been awarded the rights of British citizens, but were instead subject to conviction without trial, unlawful imprisonment, and other such oppressions. The Declaration cites, “He [King George III] has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.” Because the British government that should have been protecting them had instead turned its back upon the colonists and was the cause of such injuries, the signers of the Declaration of Independence knew that a proclamation of their freedom from Great Britain was their only choice, even if it meant engaging in war.

A large portion of the Declaration of Independence is occupied by the colonists’ complaints against the Crown. These complaints begin with the assertion, “The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these states.” The Declaration goes on to say that, “He [King George III] is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.”

As the Declaration of Independence makes plain, Great Britain did not just tax the American colonists unfairly and without representation, but it committed a multitude of crimes against them. These colonists should have been treated as British citizens, but were instead abused and were treated, in general, appallingly. Because of Great Britain’s long, long history of mistreatment and exploitation of the American colonies, these colonies had every right to declare their independence and throw off their insufferable chains of bondage.

The Hallway

I stand still as people move around me. They come in waves, rushing around me as though I were not even there. Movement. They are in constant motion, like the rough waves of the ocean, surrounding me. Students brush me as they race past, jostling each other, competing for space; they are all attempting to occupy the same narrow hallway at the same time. They readjust backpacks and stop to tie shoes, laughing and joking with one another. The smell of teenagers is unmistakable: sweaty armpits, smelly feet, and too-strong cologne applied far too freely. I overhear small snippets of conversations. Pieced together, they can be quite comical. The football fans discuss the last game in dejected tones as the jocks pretend not to hear, lips tightly pressed together, eyes looking straight ahead. A boy makes his way through the throng toward me, muttering an apology as he bumps past me, keeping his eyes on the tiled floor. His only companion is a heavy backpack he has trouble lifting. Two sisters walk together, talking discreetly, probably about a boy. The sisters notice that I have heard part of their conversation and continue, but even more quietly now. Down the hall someone opens her locker and balloons and confetti spring out of it. A friend shouts happy birthday to her as she blushes and thanks him. A bell rings and instantly the hallway empties of people. I too walk into a doorway, but glance behind again at the hallway, strewn with confetti now and reeking of teenager, before I turn away.

My Fear Feels Like This

It is dark. The rain is coming down hard now. The flickering lights finally succumb to the storm and go out. A stab of lighting. Thunder booms behind me. I have my back to a window; I’m crouched low in corner, searching the darkness, hoping to see through the curtain of blackness before me. A low growl. My heart beats a little faster. I can hear it breathing, heavy, hot. It is close. I stare harder into the void. Another bolt of lighting and I see it. The split-second of light reflects off the beast’s eyes. They are red.

I tell myself to not be afraid. It will smell it on me. It will know. But I can’t help it. My breathing quickens a little. My eyes widen. My heart is pounding. It is a dog-like creature with teeth for ripping and tearing flesh. They are bone-crunching teeth, killing teeth. There is nowhere left for me to go. It has me cornered. At any moment it could attack. The beast’s growl comes again. I picture its black fur, its hackles rising. It is ready for the kill. There is no escape, I am helpless. I give way to the fear clawing at me. I surrender to the madness pressing upon me. I scream. Here it comes.

Don't Shed All of Those Leaves

Like the passing of summer and fall into winter is the passing of childhood into adulthood. When the last shuddering leaves fall, a bare, shivering tree is left behind. What a sorrow to see the barren tree and compare it with its once-upon-a-time splendor. Unknowingly, a child slowly shakes off her beautiful leaves: her imagination and wonder, her ignorance and naïveté, her simple laughter and trust. Like a tree and its leaves, when the winter of adulthood arrives, a child loses many of her most precious attributes.

As all children are, I was born as a beam of stardust into an ever-darkening world. My sole existence was to shine light where none could have been found before. My divine calling was to bring beauty and laughter, a breath of unpolluted air, to the gasping, dying peoples of the land. The happiness of my childhood self was a contagious thing, bringing warmth to the coldest heart, allowing a smile to form on the stoniest of faces.

My fantasies encompassed elves and fairies, talking animals, dragons and magic swords, and other such impossibilities. Daydreams once became reality with such ease. With nothing more than a change of garments, I could become Pocahontas, creeping through the forest silently, talking with the animals, or a princess seeking out her own destiny instead of waiting for Prince Charming. Later, a treasure-seeker setting out upon a quest that would lead me to many an adventure, doubtless involving countless unicorns and tigers, or a swashbuckling pirate sailing the seven seas and fighting off creatures of the deep. The dreams of children are such.

My childhood was spent in such pleasurable activities as snowball fights and sledding and skiing in the winter, and hiking and bicycling and stargazing in the summer. Being home schooled allowed me to experience the world at my own pace. I devoured book after book and soaked up facts and vocabulary and fantastical images, and I grew like a tree planted on the bank of a river. The constant stream of sources that challenged my imagination was the source of many a make-believe magical adventure. How I dreamed and thought and philosophized! I made new discoveries about the world around me everyday.

The molting of childhood is not something that occurs all at once. It is a slow process. So slow you do not realize it has begun, you do not realize that you are being stripped of these gifts of imagination and wonder that had brought you such joy. Slowly, my interest in fantastical things began to fade. I no longer meditated on the language of dragons or the dwellings of Hobbits. I began to be interested in other things, politics, ideas, and my future. Childhood is the contentedness that comes with blissful ignorance. Adulthood is neither a certain age, nor a specific period of time. It is the realization of impossibility.

With impossibility comes the death of countless dreams. The fungus of the world, its darkness, its hate, latches hold of you. It is like a parasite, feeding off your lifeblood until there is nothing left but an empty shell. Fashion, public opinion, politics, society’s approval, all of these hold sway. An angel becomes tainted with the evil of the world. Hate, malicious intent, cruelty, these are not the habits of a child, they are the practice of adults. “Innocence” is a forgotten word.

Adulthood need not be such a time of sorrow and regret. Instead, let us remember our childhood. Let us recall our past naïveté and ask how it can aid us today. We must allow ourselves to remember what is most important: love, selflessness, and joy, in comparison with malice, greed, and absolute disregard for our fellow human beings. After all, seasons change, and winter does not have to last forever.

When I was a child I lived each day, yearning for a tomorrow that never came. When adulthood caught hold of me, I let it carry me without realizing the damage it could cause. What I did not realize was that my childhood was a gift that I had been given, a gift that I should cherish and remember and recall once in a while. A balance has been reached. I hold on to my sense of wonder, my curiosity. Although I can no longer create reality with only my imagination, I channel my creativity into worthy artistic pursuits. I chase liberty and independence, but I remember where I began. I set aside my childish ideas and dreams, but I continue to show a childlike love and acceptance to all who may cross my path. I believe in the goodness of human beings and trust in my fellow man. I continue to reach for my dreams, somewhere in the star-filled heavens where my journey once began.

I Don't Understand You Either

I'd just like to say some things.

I am intelligent. I am entitled to the education my test scores say I am. If I want to go to Harvard or Stanford or Yale, I deserve the support of my family. It is my parent's job to say "I love you. I want you to do your best in everything. I want you to be successful and amazing and great and to go as far as you can. I will support you and love you no matter what."

That's what they're supposed to say.

Thanks for the "I hope you marry a rich man because otherwise you'll be very disappointed," mom and dad. Thanks a lot.

I'm so glad to know that you're encouraging and loving and that you want me to do my best and go far and that no matter what, you care. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, ask yourself some questions:

"Do I know my daughter?"

"Why is she saying these things?"

"Is she just being dramatic or does she really feel this way?"

"Should I apologize?"

"How can I get to know my daughter for the first time?"

"What is she thinking?"

"What is she going through?"

"What is high school really like?"

"Is her life really a cake-walk like it seems?"

"Should I try to listen more instead of doing all the talking?"

"Should I try to swallow the anger or pride I feel to admit that maybe she's a little bit right?"


And this time, it's not okay if you don't understand. It's not.

No Hurry 10/07

I'm not really in a hurry
I'm being judged by a jury
If you want I can wait
It won't ever be too late

You must know how I feel
But this has to be real
I don't want you to fake it
This is your chance, take it

I'm waiting for you to
To say if you do too
You can take your time
You know I'm on your side

It's all up to you
You know I'll stay here
I'm just standing here
I'm beginning to fear

But I will stand firm
I will stand still
You could choose her
I'll be here still

Waiting on Him 10/07

You're drivin' me crazy
Don't know what to do
Won't you please just ask me
Before I turn blue?


I'm holding my breath here
I'm holding on tight
Uncertain, I feel fear
Don't know if I'm right

By now you must know it
how I look at you
How could you not notice
How I just want you?

So please make up your mind
Stand and pick your side
Tonight it's hers or mine
Choose what you know is right

Just Found This Picture

I had no idea this picture even existed, but here it is now. This is me, Mary, and my cousin Raquel in Washington state in August at the Family Reunion.

Banners

I designed these two banners using Adobe Photoshop for my school's website.

Falling For You

V1:
You seemed so perfect then
With the qualities of men
But now you've shown your other side
The side that comes out at night

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew

V2:
There's another girl now
The jealousy I feel now
Don't let that bottle go to waste
Drown your worries take a taste

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew


V3:
If I don't go with you
If you were drunk what would you do?
I want to hold you but would you
Want more from me than I do?

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew

Get Back Up

V1: I don't wanna give up
I wanna go on
Stepping further away
I know it feels wrong
But I'm moving forward
I won't hold on
I'm letting go and
I'm writing this song

Chorus
So let go of me
Let me be where I need to be
Let me see what I need to see
Just let go of me
I want to be who I need to be
I need to run when I fall to my knees
Please let go of me

V2: I will pull away
I'll find my own way
It isn't too late
And it wasn't a waste
You know I can't stay
So don't ask me to wait
Don't ever forget me
Please try to walk straight

Just let go of me
Let me be where I need to be
Let me see what I need to see
Just let go of me
I want to be who I need to be
I need to run when I fall to my knees
Please let go of me

V3: If only I'd said
If only you knew
But I never did
And you have no clue
Even now as I leave you
This still is true
I really loved you
I hope you did too

But let go of me
Let me be where I need to be
Let me see what I need to see
Just let go of me
I want to be who I need to be
I need to run when I fall to my knees
Please let go of me

Standing Still

V1: Why won't you look at me?
Why won't you look into my eyes?
Why can't you let me be?
Why do you make me bleed?

Chorus
And still I surrender
I can't look away
Still I remember
I don't know what to say

V2: Why do you pass me by?
Why do you think that I
Don't care, I tried to try
But you don't know what's right

And still I surrender
I can't look away
Still I remember
I don't know what to say

V3: I want to say this now
It's just I don't know how
I'm standing in a crowd
Underneath a thundercloud.

And still I surrender
I can't look away
Still I remember
I don't know what to say
I don't know what to say

When You Fall [8/07]

Chorus
When you fall I cry, I cry
When you fall I cry, I cry
With open arms I try
You turn your back, I cry.

V1: You're so beautiful, so strong
So arrogant, so wrong
You don't see me through the throng
I've been waiting all along

When you fall I cry, I cry
When you fall I cry, I cry
With open arms I try
You turn your back, I cry.

V2: You stand up straight and tall
Next to you I seem so small
When your sprint becomes a crawl
Will you see me at all?

When you fall I cry, I cry
When you fall I cry, I cry
With open arms I try
You turn your back, I cry.

V3: I'll always be right there
Waiting for you next nightmare
Run to me, I know you're scared
Right here my soul is bared.

Breaking Free

Chorus
I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

V1: No longer in bondage
At last I'm free
Shackled to the ball
That was you and me

I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

V2: Imprisoned by love
Stuck indefinitely
Locked to a broken dream
Till I found the key

I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

V3: Thought I'd never be free
I was frozen in time
I let my heart bleed
Afraid to go on

I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

Learn to Let Go

V1: I'll get by without you there
Is the pain too much to bear
You've hurt me this way
More than words will say

CHORUS
You don't even know
Your greatest sin
You have no clue
That I even miss you
First you were there
Then you were gone
Never a kiss
And never a song

V2: I'm outside of time
Watching you fly
You're fine without me
While I can't sleep

You don't even know
Your greatest sin
You have no clue
That I even miss you
First you were there
Then you were gone
Never a kiss
And never a song

V3: Just get out of my head
And stay out of her bed
I'm filled with regret
I've left things undone

You don't even know
Your greatest sin
You have no clue
That I even miss you
First you were there
Then you were gone
Never a kiss
And never a song

V4: The torture I'm put through
Each and every day
You don't understand
The price that I'm payin
For my mistakes

Someday I'll wake up
From this nightmare
And realize I messed up
this whole affair
I'll finally move on
I'll go on with my life
They call me a blonde
I'll stop crying at night.

You didn't know
Your greatest sin
You had no clue
That I ever missed you
Once you were there
Now finally you're gone
We never kissed
Never danced to this song.

Telling the Truth

It's read the latest songs Katy's written time. So here it goes.

Chorus
I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them
And it kills me inside

V1: I'm standing right here
Begging you to see
That I love you
And I wish you'd love me

I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them
And it kills me inside

V2: You thought you were in love
You thought she was faithful
It all fell through
She cheated on you

I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them
And it kills me inside.

V3: Now you're picking up girls
As fast as the pieces
You drink to forget her
You're changing your faces

I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them

V4: I sit watching you die
She broke your heart
The pain makes you cry
You're dying inside

Ch2: I want to hold you close
Want to dry the tears you cry
But instead you chose them
And it kills you inside.

Forgotten Heroes

I've been sending letters to a soldier in Iraq named David. Every month I send a packet of letters and every few months I send him a box of Rolling Stone Magazine. There's all these soldiers in Iraq, and to us they are faceless. I have no family members or loved ones over there fighting a war. But there are so many people who do. To them, these nameless soldiers are loved ones who are in dangerous situations 24/7. Just because we don't know who our heroes are doesn't mean we can't appreciate them. I can't go through a day without thinking about such trivial things as the guy I like or pair of jeans I want to buy. And I don't think that often of the men and women fighting in Iraq. They go on, unthanked, forgotten, fighting a war for a country that doesn't want them there, and then they come back to poor medical care and political messes.

If you'd like to help our soldiers in Iraq, let me know. Writing letters, saying thanks, and letting those men know they're appreciated can do so much. If you'd like to write a letter to David, please send it to

katyjoy_777@hotmail.com

Our soldiers are thousands of miles away from home, living in extreme conditions, trying to live through the days and nights. They deserve thank yous and support from us, and more. Help let a soldier know we support them and are praying for them.

The Dust Storm

Winds are still blowing at high speeds, and fires are still burning to the east and west of us. The wind picked up the loose dust and ash from the ground and swept it into town. If anyone saw the movie Hidalgo, you might remember the scene in which the cowboy runs away from a sand storm. Today's dust storm looked like that. Driving to drive through it was impossible, I couldn't even see the road, let alone other cars.
















The storm blows into town





















Ash, dust and dirt make a nasty combination
















Right before the storm actually hit.
















This was when the dust wasn't so thick. Everything but the taillights was pretty much invisible.

The Damage

This is a street near where I live. My house is behind that tree.














This is the sagebrush on the right side of the road.















This is the left side of the road.































The fire jumped street several times. We were unimaginably lucky that it didn't jump our street. If it had jumped from the left to the right side of the street (an ember blown by the high winds was all that it would have taken) our house would have gone up in flames.

Wildfires

I live in a high desert environment in northern Nevada. This means that sagebrush and other scrub bushes blanket the land for hundreds of miles in every direction. In the hot, dry summers, this brush turns to tinder, eager to be lit by the smallest ember. Our tiny town was the definition of a fire hazard. On Friday, a high wind began to blow, accompanying the thunderstorm that would begin the siege on Winnemucca.

Winnemucca lies between to parallel rows of mountains. The town has spread out; housing developments now dot the mountainsides. Thunderstorms bring lightning, and when lightning strikes the fire-hungry ground, blazes spring up. Friday evening, the mountains were dotted with fires, that were soon under control. Saturday morning dawned, bringing with it fresh winds, awakening the smoldering embers.

By Saturday afternoon, the devouring blazes were too large for Winnemucca's small fire-fighting force to control. A 12,000 acre fire was only two percent contained, and the blazes would soon begin to threaten houses. The call went out for backup from the surrounding areas. Being a resident of one of the many housing developments on the mountainsides, I was worried about the vast feast of sagebrush that was my backyard.

As the fires moved closer, evacuation procedures began. The drone of planes flying overhead could be heard, and the glow of fires was barely discernible through the thick, choking smoke that enveloped the town, blotting out the sun. Volunteers in pickup trucks and on foot told us to get out and get out fast. In order to save all of our cars, our family all drove separate cars. I took Mary with me and we headed for a friend's house, far away from danger. I sped away from the house and the fire, down the hill, smoke obscuring my vision, as my sister sobbed in fear of the flames closing in on us. I attempted to stay calm in order to drive straight, but I had to grip the steering wheel to stop my hands from shaking.

We watched our hill from afar for three hours as the cloud of smoke continued to thicken. The unbroken sirens were a constant reminder of the danger close at hand. As the time crawled by, I couldn't help remembering the things I'd left behind. My art, boxes of photos, letters, and other sentimental valuables that were irreplaceable. Rumors trickled down to us through a grapevine of sources until we were informed that we were allowed to return to our street. We drove cautiously back, prepared for the worst. It was nine-thirty at night, but the stars were veiled from sight by impenetrable clouds. Our house was all in one piece, although it was filled with noxious smoke. We aired out the house and lit scented candles to cover the pungent odor. From my front door I could still see huge tracts of land being consumed by flames, not too far from my house.

Sunday morning, the fire moved on to the east and west of us. Smoke can still be seen rising to meet its turbid brothers. So far the fire has burned around 250,000 acres. It is the middle of July in sunny Nevada, but clouds cover the sky. The scars of the blazes can be seen. While one side of the road is filled with sagebrush, the other looks like the surface of the moon. Charred telephone poles and the blackened remains of a shed are reminders of the destructive force of a fire.

I will never forget the fear I felt the night of July 7th, 2007. I will never forget the love of friends and family, who gathered with us and called us and prayed with us. I will never forget how it felt to not know if I would have a home in a few hours or not. If you prayed for me, or supported me during that time of fear, thank you so much.

Much love,

Katy



PS: Pictures will be coming soon.

Dear People of the World:

At this very moment, I am being asked to evacuate from my home. The fires aren't too close, but they are close enough that the neighborhood is shrouded in fog. Some people are leaving right away, others are staying around long enough to turn on their sprinklers on and wet down their timber-dry land. We have about half and acre of land behind our house that is pure tinder, just waiting for a spark. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared, a little freaked. But my adrenaline is going crazy. One of our neighbors, Tom, is staying behind. Apparently, he used to be a fire fighter and he has a fire hose in his garage. He plans to defend his block from any fires. He's pretty BA. I don't know how much land is on fire, but I know it's more than 10,000 acres. The planes are going by overhead. The police have set up a roadblock on our street. There are rumors of fires everywhere. The wind is blowing and who knows what might happen. Pray for me, for my friends, many of whom have already evacuated, and for my house. I love you guys.