Let me tell you a story from a distant land

The girl beloved, the girl self damned

Surrounded by people, infinitely alone

Behold the Ice Queen on her throne

It’s made of glass and grains of sand

And memories she never had

The sharpest edges cut her down

She bleeds but damn it makes her proud

Standing, blood drips to her toes

Barefoot and bloody, but no one knows

Because her magic tells them otherwise

Because instead of truth they’d rather be blind

To escape it better pluck out your eyes

Offer your hands and let them be tied

They pulled out her heart as a sacrifice

Because she prayed to make it through the night

So now a vision, now a dream

She haunts the castle and she can’t leave

A wisp of a specter with a story to tell

An angel who forgot that from heaven she fell

Now with sad, white eyes and a naked frown

She wears on her head the broken crown

She tried to cast away so many times

But it keeps coming back night after night

And she doesn’t know why, she doesn’t know how

Either how to be lost or how to be found

So she wanders the snow, cold and barefoot

And watches the mountains, pale and distant

She doesn’t move just stares and stares

And starts to cry like she can’t bear

The sight of the distant rocky cliffs

Night after night she repeats this

Because someone told her once that he would move the mountains for her

But he lied because still those mountains tower over her

So even as a ghost, even in death

Her utter loneliness she can’t forget

First week of school it's very important to look adorable

Make Me Remember

Wrote this a couple days ago. It's not finished yet, but I like where it seems to be going :)

Please make me feel tonight

Make me remember feelings that I forgot that I had

When I’m next to you I feel half human

I can do the love with the pain so find me a Cupid’s

bow to shoot me through the heart

I can take the pain if it’s a new start

I like that you’re more than meets my I

love that you’ll text me late at night

and ask me to tell you about my life

Because you know I need to spill who I am 

But no one asks the questions so I feel I can’t

Tell me, tell me, tell me somethins

Is this the ball or is it just a pumpkin?

Is it just a ploy? Is it just a trick?

Are you faking or are you interested?

Fall asleep with me over the phone

Describe the world that you come from

Type out the worlds that you have built 

and I’ll sing to you this page you’ve filled

Makes Me Think - MMT #14890

Makes Me Think - MMT #14890

Today, my fiancé returned home from his final tour of duty in Afghanistan. Yesterday he was just my boyfriend, or so I thought. Almost a year ago, he mailed me a package. He told me I wasn’t allowed to open it until he got home, which was only supposed to be two weeks away. But then his tour got extended for another 11 months. Today, when he got home, he told me to open the package, and just as I pulled the ring out of the box, he got down on one knee. MMT

This site is amazing.

Makes Me Think - MMT #15253

Today, it has been five years since I last cut myself. Five years ago my dog, Benny, saw me cutting myself in my basement and barked hysterically until I stopped. Every time I took out a razor to cut from that point forward, before I even began, he did the same thing. Benny is my best friend and the reason I gave-up cutting. MMT

Q&A with Katy

Three things you are proud of about your personality

I will never give up on you.

I believe in the goodness of people, and I look for the best in you, no matter what your reputation, or other people, or your t-shir

I love understanding how things work. So that includes the mechanism by which food is digested in the stomach with cells that produce hydrochloric acid. It also includes you. Tell me what makes you tick, and why you are the way you are, because if you think you’re awesome, or you think you’re an ass, I genuinely want to know what made you that way.

Q&A with Katy

The best thing to happen to you this week?

This week has been absolutely amazing. My cousin, my sis, and I learned this song and sang it in three part harmony for his birthday, and then the bonfire at the beach under the stars, and the band playing our favorite songs for us, and staying up late talking about everything, and watching Sherlock Holmes. This week has been the best summer of my life.

Q&A with Katy

Name the family member you're closest to and describe your relationship with them

I’m closest with my sister Mary. I’ve been told that sisters usually despise one another, don’t get along, and never talk. My sister and I aren’t like that. We live together, eat together, go to school together, sometimes say the same sentence together, it’s crazy. My sister says we have a psychic link because of how we talk at the same time and finish each other’s sentences. Sometimes she’ll look at me and I’ll know what she’s asking. Or sometimes I’ll say, “What song am I thinking of that sounds like that one song you showed me yesterday?” and she’ll know. Sometimes my knee will hurt and usually it’s ‘cause Mary’s been too hard on hers, and somehow I know. We can be crazy together, and we can just sit and not hardly say anything for hours and it’s not weird or anything. Our voices may sound virtually identical over the phone, but we’re both really different people with different histories; how I think and process is so opposite of how Mar does. I’m logical, she’s emotional. I’m cautious and she jumps right in. I analyze and she goes with her gut. I do things when I feel like it, and she’s super disciplined. I’m a nightowl and she goes to bed at nine. 

To sum it up, let me just tell you what Mar told me about two days ago. We were talking about how some of our friends are starting to get married, and she said “When you get pregnant, I’m moving in. I don’t know where your husband is going to go, but I’m going to live with you. And for those nine months when you’re fat and bitchy and no one likes you, I’ll love you anyway and buy weird groceries for all your cravings…but when the baby is born I’m leaving, that thing is your problem, not mine.”

I stink of wood burning and cigarette smoke, and saltwater, and good music, and I wouldn't have it any other way :)

You are

Q&A with Katy

Your views on drugs and alcohol


Besides aspirin, I don't use em, don't need em. I'm a little...crazy...as it is, so I don't need anything to make me more so. I have enough trouble with my self control as it is, so there's no need to make that worse. And considering my family's history, I'd say my genetics are begging me to stay away from the stuff. Or maybe they're begging me to try it. 


Either way, I don't care if other people indulge, so long as they do so responsibly. Marijuana should be legal, kids old enough to sign up for the military are old enough to drink, and alcohol doesn't make you a better driver. 

Q&A with Katy

Weird things you do when you're alone


I change out of my pajamas...into pajamas.
I sing in the shower
I sing in the kitchen
I watch and rewatch fan videos of everything I'm into
I sing all of the songs I've written out loud
I pop an entire bowl of popcorn just for myself
Sometimes I sleep all day instead of getting up
I clean the kitchen
Oh man even the weird things I do are boring boring boring. 

Q&A with Katy

Ten of your wildest dreams

One a scale of one to wildest, here we go. Once in a dream…

1. …I lost my dog
2. …I woke up, lived a whole day, went back to sleep, and woke up to find it all a dream
3. …the Redwood Forest collapsed around me as I drove through it
4. …there was a car accident and I stopped to help
5. …there was an alligator in the golf course pond and it attacked someone
6. …planes dropped bombs on my neighborhood, and we literally headed for the hills to escape
7. …my friend was kidnapped, and I had to rescue her by myself because no one would help
8. …there were these huge swimming pools like at an amusement park, but then there was a flood, and I had to rescue a kid from drowning
9. …someone broke into my house, and I had to fight him off, and when I knocked him out he turned into a balloon and I tied him to a chair, and then my neighbor, Oprah came over and was being nosy and I had to pretend like nothing was wrong.
10. …My mom was pregnant.

Q&A with Katy

First ten songs when I put my music on shuffle

Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood
Body Language, Queen
Battle of One, 30 Seconds to Mars
Won’t Back Down, Eminem
Slow Down, The Beatles
Jump, Glee Cast
Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen
Cooties, Aimee Allen
Neutron Star Collision, Muse
I Wish I Felt Nothing, The Wallflowers

Advice from one of my best friends...

Q&A with Katy

Top 10 things you look for in a friend.

I love being everyone's friend, but letting people close enough to hurt me and actually letting people be friends with me is a lot harder for me. So if you're my friend, then you probably

Care. Are honest with me. Treat others with respect. Tell me what's up with you. Listen to what's up with me. Smile and laugh with (or sometimes at) me. Forgive me when I mess up. Lean on me when you need it. Call me instead of me always calling you. Love me back.

Don't Give Up

I'll be the force that holds you to the earth
and the wind beneath your wings to carry you so far from hurt
Just let me in and I promise you
That I will be the best thing for you
No stop, don't turn around and quit listenin'
We need each other like a secret needs whisperin'
Don't give up before anything has started at all
Don't give up when I've already started to fall
what if I could be strong for the both of us?
What if I could be the girl who really is the one?
Don't give up before you really even know me at all

I could be the ship and sails to take you home
And the light of a rescue boat of your very own
Just take me in and make me yours
And I swear to change your whole world
Just please don't leave and make me keep followin'
I need you like a pinky promise needs promisin'
Don't give up before anything has happened at all
Oh don't give up when I've seen the future and I fall
What if I could be strong enough to hold you up?
What if love could bring the best out of both of us?
Don't walk away before you even really know me at all
Don't stand down when i know that you can stand tall

Baby I'll the wind beneath your wings
I'll rescue you and I'll set you free
Don't hold shut the door
when I can see you're on the floor
And you're bleeding out that blood so red,
and I'm shouting out to let me in
because I love you
and I know my arms around you
and I know my hands all on you

can bring you back to life

So don't give up before you really even know me at all
You're standing down when I know that you can stand tall
What if you could be the one to flick the switch?
Turn on the light and feel the heat of the brightness
I'm watching you give up and just give in to the dark
But please turn around because you're walking out with my heart 

I may be a liar but at least I tell the truth about that

Today was not better than yesterday...

When I Run Through Fountains

I say that I can't feel my heart beat
but I can feel its ghost beat
drums that make my feet
dance again

I sometimes think the wind blows
just to tell me it's cold
enough to warm up my old
smile again

I'm feeling this ice cold
river of a rainbow
falling over my own
shadow of myself

And when I stand in the sun
I see my shadow fall down
and through it shines bright sun
in in a heart on the ground

Is Broken Really Beautiful?

I feel my fear of what I think you are

like my irrational phobia of the dark

Wildly backing out from the start

Like an emotional reaction pre-broken heart

I tried...I tried to warn you
that I would only let you down
And I know...I know I told you
That baby, I don't got no heart sounds
If you feel for me, if you ask for more
I will shut you down, I will close the door
There's so much of me that sleeps within
And you aren't shouting so I can't listen
I feel deaf and I want to hear
if my heart still beats or if it's left me here
I think I'm blind but I want to see
if I'm as ugly as I seem
I can't move I'm paralyzed
to watch my life become a lie
Is this all I am, this hopeless fraud,
promising I can see, hear, and I can walk?

This is Your Line of My Song

05.10.11

When your home is far away
we have to listen to the stars that say
to look up
I say look up
You won't lose who you are
and you won't lose where you were
if you just look up
I said look up
if the stars are over head or over home
You are never alone.

Silence Sits on Me

Ask and I'll give you my heart to break it
But you won't ask, so you can't take it
Something's happening inside of me
Stones are where my heart is s'posed to be
No one's coming to save me from it
Eventually I'll die of it
Before me stretches an empty path
I'll reap the future I know I have
I trekked into the desert blindly
And I may have lost myself to winding roads
Watch the walls crumble away
I keep thinking there's something to say
But the more I look for answers the more I lose my faith
The more I search for words the less I wanna say

Untitled

You don't stop to listen
and I'm watching myself choke on fears and inhibitions

I’m watching history as it falls of my old bookshelf
and repeats itself again that tale I wish weren’t part of myself

So I'll just say it

I'm worried because I don't think you listened when I told you not to care
I know I told you this would happen and you too it like a dare
Like yeah we'll just see, let's just try it and see

I'm worried because you talked me into doing something I definitely knew I shouldn't
I said no so many times- I said it would lead you on, and you said it couldn't
Well now I'm seeing you seeing me and I don't like the way you're staring
I told you not get attached to me because you can't change the skin I'm wearing
Do you remember this skin as being warm that night?
Let me tell you, sir, it's cold as ice tonight

And I think there's someone warm enough to bring me back to life and thaw me out
I think a kiss could give me breath again and someone will be able to draw me out
But I know now it's not you, and I knew before that it wasn't you
I told you I'd seen what happens when I lead someone on and you
Just laughed it off, claiming the tables would be turned and I'd be chasing you
A little voice in my head wished I hadn't already seen me facing you
And leaving you behind like the ghosts of nightmares I keep killing off
Did you think I didn't have the experience to did your killing job?

Here's what I think
You don't realize how easy it is to be cold when I have no heartbeat
Feel my icy hand slap you across the face and remind you not to leap for me
Don't take a step of faith for this because there's no invisible stairs
You're just being stupid and you'll fall, because that's just invisible thin air
And I can hear it in your voice and I'm seeing it in your eyes
That my hands on him are connecting the dots of that lie
I think you've been constructing about how there's some kind of we now
And these observations of you are pushing me to consider how
I can get someone else to wrap his arms more tightly around me
to reinforce walls hiding my inside self screaming
"I need you to back off" because you're greatly mistaken
About who you are to be because I wasn't faking
When I said I wasn't going to care about you at all
I know that sounds fucked up but you have to admit I didn't lie at all
I was totally honest about how I would treat you
Like nothing happened and I've done just that but you
Seem like you were expecting more and it's making me grab onto something strong
to hold onto while your waves crash and I let my body say you're wrong
So I lean into him and feel your eyes are blazing into me
But I ignore you because he's just as cold as I am, and I hope you'll simply read
What my body language says and I turn away from you
and face someone else so you'll get more than just a clue
That you need to let me go, and I was right all along
That you let yourself think too far ahead, and you were wrong

Because I want him...her...anyone else
I want what you aren't and I want you to forget what you felt
Because that night as I was hesitant you explained I wasn't just anyone so it was okay
and I froze. Because I was thinking 'You could be anyone and this would be the same'
There's a good time, having fun, and then there's just usin you
I'm not sure I've crossed the line and don't I already know if I have to argue?

watch me turn my back and walk away so I can help you visualize

If my words don't reach you I don't know how to make you realize

That I'm not Wonder Woman, Amazonian strong
I'm just broken...and it's nobody's fault
But you won't be able to fix what you didn't break
Believe me, I've been watching myself carve out my heart and serve it up on a plate
To my demons who drink the blood my heart struggles to beat
This heart's so completely fucked up that it can't compete
With the demons and ghosts packing snow in my veins
With the memories and stench of everything about yesterday

Write down that I'm wrong and I'll fold it up real small
I'll jam it in my heart and pretend it makes me strong
But all the crumpled notes and all that bloody history
turns into the blood that's running through my arteries

What you're feeling for isn't a whole woman at all
I've been told I'm part ghost and that explains nearly all
Of what you've seen and what I am
and how I act and why I dance
Away from questions long overdue
toward any and all conviction to hide from you

Performed at Spring Quarter Scratch, May 2011

There is a Triangle...

And it is impossible to complete.

She Left You Here to Burn

She called last Saturday night, and said she didn't call to fight
but she needed out
And as your knees hit the concrete floor she said she couldn't tell you more
there's nothing to tell

I'm watchin her take you down to the Valley of the Shadow

I'm watchin her take you down a road you don't wanna follow

She's a-twistin you up inside, and I think she's so full of lies

that she left you here to burn, I think she left you here to burn

And she's a-cryin on your shoulder, because she told you not to hold her

I think she's so full of lies, I think she's so full of lies

She called you yesterday just to talk about her day
and you remember
She starts goin on and on about the crap that's goin wrong
but all you can see is that she's gone

I'm watchin her take you down to the Valley of the Shadow

I'm watchin her take you down a road you don't wanna follow

She's a-twistin you up inside, and I think she's so full of lies

that she left you here to burn, I think she left you here to burn

And she's a-cryin on your shoulder, because she told you not to hold her

I think she's so full of lies, I think she's so full of lies

When she calls you hang up the phone; gotta cut that rope that ties that stone
around your neck to pull you down
but she's got you in her grip, and you can't let it start to slip
or she'll be gone

I'm watchin her take you down to the Valley of the Shadow
I'm watchin her take you down a road you don't wanna follow
She's a-twistin you up inside, and I think she's so full of lies
that she left you here to burn, I think she left you here to burn
And she's a-cryin on your shoulder, because she told you not to hold her
I think she's so full of lies, I think she's so full of lies

You Don't Stop to Listen

Still you don't stop to listen

and I'm watching myself choke on fears and inhibitions

I'm watching history as it falls off my old bookshelf 

and repeats itself again that tale I wish weren't part of myself

So you're making me feel bad because you don't like a critic

but I have to change this time around and I think the truth is worth it

And you wouldn't know 'cause you've worked hard to not know me

But I've been here before and watched my world fall down around me

So go ahead, be mad at me, make me feel like shit

Beating me makes you feel better, but unlike you I'll take it.

Write down that I'm wrong and I'll fold it up real small

I'll jam it in my heart and pretend it makes me strong

But all the crumpled notes and all that bloody history

turns into the blood that's running through my arteries

Eventually all that pain teaches a lesson

The Girl Who Gave a Damn becomes a woman to be reckoned with

Loneliness Heartbreak

She cries herself to sleep thinkin' about it

wonderin if she'll ever find herself without

and it's eating her at night, infecting her insides

it's made her heart its meal, so there's nothing she can feel

except that loneliness heartbreak

I said that loneliness heartache

There must be something wrong with her outsides

betraying ugly emptiness inside

She said "I wish I didn't think this is all there is for me

But isn't twenty years enough to find someone to love?"

There's only loneliness heartbreak

call her Miss Lonely and Heartache'd

There hasn't been a day she's not reminded

how alone she is and how bad the night is

She wraps her arms around herself

and repeats the lie that they all tell

"Alone today but not someday

keep your chin up there's still someday"

But she's been saying it now for years

and she thinks someday has disappeared

so she turns her face to the wall

and lets the tears silently fall

She'll be alone tomorrow like tonight

Time to blow out her candle lights.

Sometimes You Cross My Mind

012411

Have you ever seen that photograph of you and I
holding close on graduation night?
Do you ever wonder what it woulda been like
if it had been a different time?
You never told me, and I never guessed
You never asked me, and I never said
And sometimes it crosses my mind
That we coulda had a story, you and I

A thousand miles away I'm movin' on
From a thousand lies we told under the sun
You always were that one who got away
But now I know I'm better off today
Without you here, without you there
As a regret I made into a nightmare
From the past there's no escape
so I think I'm lucky I got away

but Have you ever seen that photograph of you and I
holding close on graduation night?
Do you ever wonder what it woulda been like
if it had been a different time?
You never told me, and I never guessed
You never asked me, and I never said
And sometimes it crosses my mind
That we coulda had a story, you and I

A thousand times I've seen our story, Trey
and a thousand times I've died in different ways
Maybe I dodged your bullet years ago
But it's your memory I can't let go of
So I might be here, but sometimes I'm there
In your arms and I'd think of where
I'd be without you in my life
if there were no story of you and I

Well have you ever seen that photograph of you and I
Holding close on graduation night?
Do you ever wonder what it woulda been like
If it had been a different time?
You never told me, and I never guessed
You never asked me, and I never said
And sometimes it crosses my mind
That we could had a story, you and I

Christina Taylor

I'm sick of this churning and all of this yearning
and why are you hiding so I take the firing?
Bullets from the sky
rain down on her life
Tell me how to find, tell me what to look for
Shield her from the rain, say it's only danger
hunting us to death, counting every breath
Save her from the blood, the rivers they are running
Off with her address, gone to tell the press
The world is rolling off the edge

These papers are piling and someone is dialing
But my phone is broken like my heart was stolen
Bullets from the sky
rain down on her life
Tell me not to run, tell me to find him
Shield her from the rain, say it's only danger
Hunting us to death, counting every breath
save her from the blood
the rivers they are running
Off with her address, gone to tell the press
the world has tumbled off the edge

The world has tumbled off the edge...