Survey #4

Question: Of these three TV shows, which would you rather watch, Simpsons, 24, or Lost?

Location: Lowry H.S.

The Results:

Boys

Simpsons: 72%
24: 4%
Lost: 8%
None: 16%


Girls

Simpsons: 44%
24: 5%
Lost: 34%
None: 16%


Totals

Simpsons: 56%
24: 5%
Lost: 23%
None: 16%

This most scientific over surveys serves to point out that teenagers are much more interested in the rude and crude than in the suffering of others, or government or politics. And just think, in a few years these teenagers will be voting for our next President, signing papers, driving cars. You parents and teachers out there: These are your kids. I sometimes feel responsible for the education of my peers. But in reality, that's your responsibility. You are sending your kids out into the world knowing everything there is to know about crude jokes, fashion, and movies, but without any opinions of their own. Children go out into the world, not knowing anything about politics or our government. As Happy Bunny says: "Kids are the future. Frightened?"



Because you should be.



Am I the only one who sees this disastrous future looming over us?

Be afraid. Fear for the future. And use that fear to do something constructive. Teach us something. Please.

I am ashamed of my fellow students, of my peers, of my generation. Will we learn nothing? And go out into the world to do nothing?

Your blushing blogger,

Katy

Survey #3

Survey question 9/21/06: Do you know the first Disney Princess, Cinderella, Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty? Number of peopled surveyed: 92. Location: Lowry H.S.

Guys:

24% Cinderella
42% Snow White
33% Sleeping Beauty


Girls

47% Cinderella
34% Snow White
19% Sleeping Beauty


Making for the grand total of:

39% Cinderella
37% Snow White
24% Sleeping Beauty.

My very scientific survey proves that because of Cinderella's media coverage and the numerous rehashes of the Brothers Grimm's story, it has become most famous. Sleeping Beauty was thought by a few, very passionate believers to be the first, but as it turns out, the majority of voters were wrong. Snow White was in fact the first Disney Princess, being released in 1937. Cindrella followed thirteen years later in 1950, and Sleeping Beauty nine years after that in 1959.

Tomorrow's survey question and its result will be posted tomorrow on this blog as well as on my myspace blog. See the sidebar links to go to my myspace.

Survey #2

Today's survey question was, "Can you name the current vice president of the United States?" Out of 204 people, here are the results: Men: 58% YES 42% NO Women 45% YES 56% NO Making for the grand total of: 51% said YES 49% said NO Tomorrow's survey question and its result will be posted tomorrow on this blog as well as on my myspace blog. See the sidebar links to go to my myspace. Your favorite surveyor who still faithfully blogs, Katy

Survey #1

For the last few days, my sister and I have been taking a different survey everyday. It started out pretty silly. We asked about 15 people throughout the day if they knew where Genovia was, or if they were afraid of sunlight. By the way, Genovia is a nonexistent country in the movie Princess Diaries. Anyway, today I decided to ask people if they considered themselves to be beautiful (or good-looking for the guys). I approached around 163 people and asked them the above question. I received 162 "yes"s, "no"s, and "not sure"s. And one, "What the heck to I care?". But anyway. Here are the results:

Men:

58% YES
32% NO
9% NOT SURE


Women

54% YES
32% NO
11% NOT SURE


Making for the grand total of:

57% said YES
32% said NO
12% said NOT SURE

I'll post the results of tomorrow's survey tomorrow. Please leave comments on whether or not you consider yourself to be beautiful or good looking, and especially ideas for other survey questions.

Your blogger-and-now-recent-surveyor,

Katy

My Dream Guy

Do you guys out there want to know what women want? Are you dying to understand the woman's psyche? Would you kill for a chance inside a girl's head, to figure out exactly what they want from you? Well here's you chance. A look inside my head. Your chance to find out what I'm looking for.

My perfect guy has a great personality. He is funny and charming, he always has a comeback and he loves to tease. Dream Guy is sweet and romantic. He buys me a dozen roses on my birthday and signed the card, "with love". This Guy cares about me. He's not just looking for a pretty face, but he actually cares about me.

When we cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, he puts his arm around me and we eat popcorn, and drink sodas, and laugh at all the right parts and cry when the hero dies. When we watch something scary he lets me hold his hand and laughs when I close my eyes. When I get scared, he holds me tight as I clutch his arm tightly and bury my face in his shoulder. This guy knows when to talk and when to be quiet during a movie. If he was one step over perfect, he might even watch The Notebook with me. :)

Dream Guy is well-read. Reading might not be his favorite past time, but he has read a wide variety of books and knows who I'm talking about if I say C.S. Lewis or JRR Tolkein or Orson Scoot Card or Victor Hugo. Dream Guy will let me retell the entire storyline of the book I just read.

When I come to school in the morning, he's there with a coffee in his hand. He knows that I like it with plenty of milk and sugar, and that even though he may prefer it black, I don't. He hands me the coffee and asks me how I am. He tells me how great I look, even if I don't. Whether I've showered or not, he'll tell me that I smell nice, and we'll smile at each other.

This Dream Guy takes care of me. He knows my favorite foods and my favorite kinds of movies. He knows my favorite color and the title of my favorite book, the name of my favorite authors, my locker number and combo, and any other details about me. This information doesn't come from Dream Guy becoming my stalker. We've gotten to know each other over time, and I tell him secrets and things about me because I trust him.

I know his locker and combo too and we leave messages for each other inside. On my birthday, he comes to one of my classes with a cupcake and a candle and singshappy birthday to me. That day is awesome. He has decorated my locker and gives me a roses and a box of my favorite chocolates. I grin and know I've picked a great guy.

He's willing to embarass himself for me. He stands up for me and holds my hand. If I'm having a bad day, he knows how to comfort me. If I'm depressed he knows how to lift me up. If I'm angry, he can calm me down.

This guy is no ordinary guy. He is probably taller than me and he probably has beautiful eyes and a cute nose. Most likely he dresses well. But I don't really know. This Dream Guy, this Mystery Man is just that. A Mystery. I don't know when I'll meet him or if I already have met him. Maybe I talk to him everyday in the hall but don't know who is is quite yet. Like I said, I don't know. I might find him now, or I might find him later. But what I do know is that he is out there. And he's looking for me.

Life

It's going okay lately, I'm not too swamped with homework, although my English teacher gives me enough homework for six classes.

I like almost all of my teachers. Mrs. Dawson. my English teacher, is (surprisingly) a woman after my own heart, and I really appreciate having a kindred spirit near. Mrs. Grady is my Spanish teacher, and she's pretty awesome. We both share a pet peeve: the incorrect pronunciation of Spanish words. Then for Art II I've got Mr. Anderson, who's totally the best art teacher ever. I learned so much and improved so much last year that I made sure I signed up for a class with him. Fourth period is Biology, and Mrs. Doyle teaches that. She's pretty laid back and she's not big on tests or quizzes, so Biology, which I expected to be hard, is actually pretty easy. I have Algebra 2 for fifth with Mr. Conner. Mr. Conner is a different sort of teacher, with a lazy, comfortable classroom atmosphere. It's a nice break really. After lunch, which is after fifth, I've got World Geography, taught by a Mr. Stotler. I find him to be one of the most irritating teachers I've ever had. Half of the time he calls me Kathy, which drives me mad, and he calls the girl I sit next to "izzle" when her name is actually "Izell". Anyway, I won't go on, but the list of complaints about Mr. Stotler is sadly quite long. Seventh is PE, which is not fun. All we do is run around and do stretches and play weird games. Plus it's taught by Mrs. Millikan (I'm not even gonna go there) and there's a bunch of incredibly annoying guys in the class.

I'm going to be helping at WCF with an overnighter girl's discipleship event. It's called Girls Growing Up, and it sounded cute. There's a different theme every year, and this year the theme is Girls on a Mission. So I get to dress up like a spy and run around to Mission Impossible music. Cool, huh?

My brothers filmed a movie lately, and I got to meet some people and make some friends. Hi to Vance aand Brett! Brett and I were joking at the soccer match yesterday (The first soccer match I've ever seen) and so now my friends call him my fake husband. I'm not really exactly sure why. But that's okay.

I can't believe how much better I'm able to handle my homework load this year. I think I have way more homework than last year, but it doesn't seem like it. I'm able to work faster in class, and I get some of it done at lunch or right after school while I'm waiting to be picked up.

I've got to do my health now, so I'll catch ya later, my word-starved readers!

Katy

School

School starts t0morrow. I'm excited, nervous, and pretty blah-ed. I'm excited to start in on my English class again, and I'm nervous about Biology. I'm blah-ed/annoyed that school is starting again though, I wish summer could go on forever.

I need to finish my online health class from BYU, and make up a log to log 90 hours of Phys. Ed. that I did last year, 60 of which I spent skiing. 10 days of skiing, 6 hours a day. Another 30 hours and I'll be done with that.

Registration was last Wednesday, and afterward Mary, I, and a few friends met at Burger King for lunch and to hang out and compare schedules. I'm really looking forward to seeing the drama team's work this year, because a couple of my friends are on the team. I think I'll try out next year, but I don't know if I can think of a two-minute monologue, let alone memorize it. Actually, I think I could, I just don't know if I could perform it.

I'm also taking a couple of classes I didn't know I was taking. Scratch Advanced Web Design and put in World Geography, and instead of Art I I'll be taking Art II. Apparently, Mr. Anderson, my art teacher, recommended that I be advanced to Art II and completely skip Art I! So that's pretty cool.

This is the end of my entry about school. I don't even want to think about it until tomorrow morning. I'm getting up at 6:15 so that I can take a shower and do my hair (which I had cut on Saturday) and eat a donut and some coffee, and do my make up and get dressed and get out of the house by 7:15 so that I can walk my sister to her first class, and drop my stuff at my locker and get to my first class on time. And that's that.

Your absolutely favorite blogger who needs a lot of sleep tonight and a lot of prayers tomorrow,

Katy

Camp

Wow, I haven't written in a while. At least this time I have a good excuse. The last two weeks have been insane. On the 11th, I got up at five o' clock in the morning, my mom drove me to the airport at 5:30, we arrived around six, I walked through security at 6:30, and was on the plane by 7:00 AM. The plane took off right on time, I had a wonderful flight, and arrived at SeaTac at the projected time of 8:35. A couple of friends of mine, who happen to be the nurse and his wife of the camp I was going to, picked me up and drove me to Lacey. We met up with the rest of the Christiand and Missionary Alliance Camp (CAMA Camp) staff at Lacey Community Church, had a meeting about policy and rules and such, got our pictures taken for our IDs, and basically got to know each other.

Just driving through Washington, seeing the trees, it was awesome. More than that, I felt alive again. I hitched a ride with Darin, who was also drving Andrea and Malia. It wasn't too far from the church. We mostly talked about nothing. When we got to Millersylvania, where CAMA Camp is, we all got ready for the next day.

Tami and I had 7 girls in our cabin: Michelle, a small girl with a gigantic vocabulary; Molly, a girl from my old church, SPCC; Amy, an outgoing and take-charge kind of girl; Carli, the daughter of my old music pastor; Jackie, who accepted Christ at camp; Mariah, a shy, homesick girl; and Megan, the talkative one. They were all great. We only had one fight between two of them, and it was resolved with a simple apology.

I had an amazing time at camp. Bill, the music pastor from SPCC, was there to lead morning worship and staff devotions. Two of the children's pastors from SPCC were there, Harry to do chalk talks, and Duane is the camp director. Kelly from HomeLink was there to lead evening worship for the kids. There were so many people from SPCC there, it was so awesome to see everyone again.

I've been to CAMA Camp twice as a camper, once as a kitchen staff, and now as a CIT. I hope to go back next year as a counselor. CAMA Camp has always been a huge growing experience in my faith. And this time was no different. I thought about God every second of every day. I thought about being an example to these young kids at camp. I thought about shining God's light and about loving my girls. I thought about making good decisions quickly and keeping my kids safe. I thought about praising God and thanking him for such an opportunity as this. CAMA Camp was an amazing experience for me. And it will continue to be.

The schoolyear is fast upon us and I pray that as we go into our schools and classrooms, as we walk the halls and chat with our friends; I pray that as we sit in the cafeteria, as we answer questions in class, and as we write research papers and essays, that we would be mindful of our actions and thoughts. Think about what God would have you do. Think of every minute as an opportunity to be a light in a world that is fast decending into darkness. Be a light in this dark world. Be a sparkler among matches. Strive for exccellence in every area of your life. Put your priorities in order. Put God first. Keep your eyes on the goal. Let people see the difference between you and others. Be careful in what you say. Be cautious in what you do. Be strong in standing up for yourself, for others, and for God. Be persevering in reaching others. Be defiant in resisting Satan.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, stand firm.


Your sister in Christ,

Katy

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
-Philippians, 4:8

Books

Here's a list of books that I've read lately:

The Client, by John Grisham
The Runaway Jury, by John Grisham
Hart's Hope, by Orson Scott Card
The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, by W. Shakespeare
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck

NOW READING:
Crime and Punishment, by Fyodor Dostoevsky

NEXT ON THE LIST:
Hart's War, by John Katzenbach
Twelfth Night, by W. Shakespeare
As you Like it, by W. Shakespeare

I'll update this list every once in a while. Every month or six months or something. I just finish Huck Finn and Mice and Men, which I was reading as summer A.P. English work. Just to let you know, both are insanely good. Steinbeck is so great at creating characters. If you like his stuff, I'd also recommend The Pearl, because it's a great story; short, too-you can finish it in two sittings max. Mark Twain is incredibly funny. As you read Huck Finn, the plans and plots become so elaborate, so ridiculously convoluted, it's hilarious. Actually, the best part begins when Tom Sawyer shows up. Kind of ironic, considering it's a book about Huckleberry Finn.

Beauty

I've been thinking about beauty a lot lately. Here's what I've decided:

Beauty has nothing to do with perfection

Beauty is found in the extraordinary

Sometimes the extraordinary can be found in an ordinary shell.

Sometimes the ordinary masquerade as something extraordinary.

Everything and everyone has the potential to be beautiful, but that doesn't mean it is.

Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms.

Death does not change beauty.

School

Well, I'm going back to school on the 28th of August. I'm pretty nervous, because I'll be taking on a full load of seven classes, plus a few really difficult classes. Here's the classes I'm taking and my thoughts:

AP English II (or Honors English II):

I got into this class automatically, I didn't have to take a test, because I had an A in AP Eng. I. Advanced Placement English II is considered to be one of the more difficult classes to take as a sophomore. Summer work included reading Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck. Both were great books, I really enjoyed them, and I would recommend both for any avid reader. For Huck Finn I need to pick a quotation from each chapter and then explain why it represents what the chapter is about. The Mice and Men work is a bit more involved. I have to identify the symbolic images used in the story and explain them (both of which I am terrible at), and analyze the character development of the two main characters. I'm almost done with both assignments.
Teacher: Mrs. Dawson
Length: 2 semesters

Biology:

In my freshman year, I took Physical Science I, which is a one-semester class. Phy. Science I and II are the prerequisites for Biology. This is a class that I'm pretty worried about, considering that I have no idea what everyone else learned about in Phys. Sci. II. This class threatens to be more than challenging.
Possible teachers: Mr. Storm, Mrs. Pasquale
Length: 2 semesters

Art I:

At last, a class I'm actually looking forward to! Most student take Art I in their freshman year, but I took Basic Drawing instead. I'm glad I did, it was an awesome class, I learned a lot, and I was able to meet some new peoples. Back to Art I. While Basic Drawing was about drawing (gasp! what a surprise), Art I will encompass various techniques, principle of design, and color theory. Art I is a prerequisite for almost all other art classes.
Possible teachers: Mrs. Murphy, Mr. Anderson
Length: 2 semesters

Spanish I:

Spanish I is an introduction to the language. The class will involve writing, speaking, and listening. Spanish culture will also be incorporated into the curriculum. I'm not sure this class will be easy, but because of my history with Spanish-speaking, I think this will be a good class.
Teacher: Mrs. Godinez
Length: 2 semesters

Advanced Web Design:

I will be building and maintaining a site for a teacher, club, sport, or other school. Real world expreience is the idea. I'll get to use programs like Dreamweaver and Fireworks, and use other scripts besides HTML (Hyper-Text Markup Language), such as JavaScript. I took Web Design I last year and really enjoyed it. I was given an award for my outstanding performance (which really means that I built a cool-looking website with 25-pages instead of the required 3 pages). I'm thinking about being a Teachers Assistant for Web I in a couple years.
Teacher: Mr. Espinola
Length: 2 semesters

Algebra 2:

Math. What else is there to say? Next year is Pre-cal, and my senior year, Calculus.
Possible Teachers: Mrs. Knight, others

Phys. Ed:

I didn't take it last year, so I'll be taking it this year, and then we'll fill out a log that says I did so many hours of P.E. so that I can get credit for last year. Believe me, three ski trips of skiing all day, everyday, is a lot of exercise.
Length: 2 semesters


Right now I'm taking an online health class from Brigham Young University, to get credit for that class. I'm going to try to find a driver's ed class somewhere too. The only available driver's ed class is from the college here in town, and it's an online class. My parent would really like me to get more experience behind the wheel, so they want me to try to find a class in Reno that I'd only have to go to once a week or something. Personally, I think they're grasping at straws, but whatever. So long as an online class will qualify for a discount on insurance, I'm fine with it. And that's about it.

With love from your intellectually superior blogger,

Katy ;)

Cars

This weekend, my town is having an car show. People from everywhere have brought their old cars. Half of them don't drive them, they actually tow their perfectly good cars on a trailer. We entered our '69 Impala, and that's been fun. Brad and Pete have had a really fun time with it, they get to show off their car and tell the story of our family heirloom.

My favorite, by default, is our Impala, but my second favorite, by choice, is the Ford Mustang Mach 1. Check it out:

This car may look familiar to a few of my readers, and that's because Byron has one just like it. Ever been inside that car? It's pretty sweet. Anyway, that's about all that's going on.

Your favorite blogger who's even cooler than the Mach 1,

Katy

Nightmares

I had a terrible nightmare last night. Around 8 or 9, I was sitting in my bed drawing, and I fell asleep. I woke up 3 hours later, hot and sweaty, dry-mouthed and breathing hard. It was this really creepy, freaky scary dream. I've never had this happen to me before. I was actually afraid to go back to sleep. I guess I was pretty shaken.

I got up and wrote down what it was about, and then I prayed. I read a little bit of Psalms. I turned a few pages, and there was this verse that said, "Lord, protect me from my enemies, who plot to take my life." It made me feel better to know that God was there, watching out for me. So I got my dog and had him sleep in my bed, and then I went back to sleep. I am happy to say that I had no more nightmares. There was a weird dream in which I was running around in a commando suit, but that's another story...

Your Dreamcatcher,

Katy

I was listening to Superchick's "We all Fall" on the Last one Picked album, and I could really appreciate what they were saying. Because I've fallen. I've turned away and come back. I've failed. But God still loves those of us who fail. We can fall, but it doesn't change how God feels about us. And that is so reassuring.

We all Fall

we all fall sometimes

we all let ourselves down

sometimes there's nothing left

but to live with what's been done

and know you're not the only one who falls

we all fail sometimes

we all let someone down

sometimes there's nothing left

but to promise to ourselves

that next time we won't be the one to fail

i want to tell you you can go on

that beginnings come from ends

i still believe in you and so does God

He's the one who still believes in those who fail

He's the one who still believes in us who fall

Fires

It's been a whole year since I moved to Winnemucca. I still don't like it. It's as brown and dry and hot as ever, but I don't resent it so much. I would never consider living here permanently, but I think the next three years will be okay. Everyone told me that Winnemucca was beautiful in summer, that it really bloomed, but I think they're confused, because it looks the same. Not as bleak as winter- there are leaves on the trees- but it's still flat and sagebrushy.

Saturday night there was a huge lightning storm. No rain, which, being a Washingtonian, is a little strange, but there was just these huge cracks of lightning everywhere. Sometimes it was just a flickering light in the looming clouds, and other times it was a white jagged rip in the sky. Since our house is up on a hill, we could see everything really well. Then, I spotted a flickering orange light down amongst the lights of Winnemucca. Smoke began to obscure the flames. The lighting had struck a spot in the sagebrush, and a fire had sprung up. Before our eyes, the fire spread lightning-fast (if you'll pardon the expression). Soon it engulfed a large area. We saw the fire trucks heading in the direction of the smoke as fast as they could. They reached it pretty quickly, and in a matter of minutes, the fire was gone. It was a pretty amazing sight. Scary, but amazing, because it demonstrated the power and ferocity of such a fire.

Your slightly pyro blogger,

Katy

Revolutionaries by Bethany Dillon

Many have traveled this road before

I see their tracks in the dirt

But maybe I don’t agree

With where they are leading

And who am I, just a youth

But why has that become the excuse

A monotone voice

In my head saying

Dreaming all the time

It’s so foolish

Your flood of empty words

Will drown you in ruin

So we listen

Should we listen?

They shake their heads

As they drive away in the bandwagon

Didn’t feel like hitching a ride

Oh, but I’ll be fine

Some nights it’s hard to be alone

I want some kind of kinship

But the finish line

It drives me on

When they say

Dreaming all the time

It’s so foolish

Your flood of empty words

Will drown you in ruin

So we listen

Should we listen?

Come with me

They’ll call us revolutionaries

Come with me

They’ll call us revolutionaries

Revolutionaries

Revolutionaries

Dreaming all the time

It’s not foolish

Your flood of life giving words

They will refresh, they will refresh

Dreaming all the time

It’s not foolish

Your flood of life giving words

They will refresh

Should we listen?

Revolutionaries.

This is Your Life

Switchfoot's song, "This is Your Life", is an excellent song. And it brings to light an important point that many people miss in life.

You only get one chance-are you who you want to be?

Take a look at yourself right now. Are you the person you thought you'd be 2, 5, 10 years ago? Every once in awhile, you've just got to sit down and take an honest look in the mirror. You only get one shotat life. You can't go back and try again. What will you do? Will you be famous, or infamous? Will you go down in history? If so, what for? Will people remember you name, or the things you accomplished?

Be bold. Speak out, and speak up. Don't you dare sit down and shut up just because somebody doesn't like what you're saying. Stand up. Be passionate about your beliefs. If you have an opportunity, talk with someone. Give out smiles. Be alive, be happy with yourself, and where you are right now.

This is your life. Are you who you want to be?

This is a pretty funny video on YouTube. If you like Jon Stewart, then check it out. If you've never heard of Jon Steart, this is a must-see. Very funny.

Click here to watch Jon Stewart's take on President Bush.

Your absolutely favorite blogger, who loves the Daily Show,

Katy

Hmmm...

Well, unfortunately, my pledge to blog at least once every other day isn't working out quite as I'd planned. I'll try to work on that, and blog more often. I wonder if anyone is even reading this anymore, seeing as how I've haven't been writing in a long time.

This blog is like a journal, except that I'm terrible at keeping one. It takes me so long to write something down, that I usually just say forget it. But I can type so much faster than I write, that I can say everything I want to say pretty efficiently. Plus, I can never lose this. Notebooks, journals, and diaries are easily lost or misplaced. It would be pretty difficult to do so with this internet journal. I'll be able to look back in ten years, and say, "wow, I've come a long way."

Restart

In the last few months I've come to realize that I'm on a downward slope heading unstoppably, at 120 mph, toward a train, which is going to slam into me, and I'm going to crash. Hard. I've tried to turn the situation around. I've tried to regain control of my life, but it just keeps spiraling downward, faster and faster. Until last week I thought that crashing was inevitable. That there wasn't anything I could do to stop it. The train was just going to keep coming.

But I've changed my mind. I've made some pretty bad choices in these last four months. I turned my back on God, because I thought He had abandoned me. I never left my belief in God, just my faith in him. I tried to find my own way in the world. But I just became more and more lost in the darkness. I couldn't find the path, and I was reduced to wandering around in circles, looking for the right way to go, waiting for that train. No more. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of always having a poor self-image, and feeling worthless and alone every second of every day. I'm tired of being miserable. And I am so, so tired of being insecure and Godless.

Before I walked away, before I abandoned God, I felt secure and safe. I felt as though nothing could ever hurt me, and I didn't have to be afraid. This past year I've been increasingly stressed and insecure. There were days, far and few between to be sure, when I wasn't sure why I was still alive. Being dead inside, why wasn't my body dead as well? I've just been sitting on the train tracks, waiting to be hit. But now I realize that I'm not tied to the tracks, and I am capable of stepping off the tracks, and away from danger. The train is not inevitable. I felt trapped where I was, like I couldn't move, even if I had wanted to. I was too busy being miserable to realize that I'd given up trying to get away.

But no more and never again. I'm going to try to turn 180 degrees. Back to God, and away from hopelessness. I have to remember to look up, to keep my eyes on the goal, on God. I want my self back. I want to be me again; and the me I know is happy and optimistic, friendly and caring, passionate about things she believes in. This is who I want to be. And I am determined, that with God's help, I can do it. If you're reading this, and you're a Christian, whether you know me or not, will please pray for me? I think I'm in for a hard ride, full of a lot of spiritual warfare. Satan had me right where he wanted, and he'll fight hard to keep me there. The trouble is, I'll have to sit back and let God do the fighting for me. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Your blogger who's fighting for her life (figuritively, of course),

Katy