Q&A with Katy

Your views on drugs and alcohol


Besides aspirin, I don't use em, don't need em. I'm a little...crazy...as it is, so I don't need anything to make me more so. I have enough trouble with my self control as it is, so there's no need to make that worse. And considering my family's history, I'd say my genetics are begging me to stay away from the stuff. Or maybe they're begging me to try it. 


Either way, I don't care if other people indulge, so long as they do so responsibly. Marijuana should be legal, kids old enough to sign up for the military are old enough to drink, and alcohol doesn't make you a better driver. 

Q&A with Katy

Weird things you do when you're alone


I change out of my pajamas...into pajamas.
I sing in the shower
I sing in the kitchen
I watch and rewatch fan videos of everything I'm into
I sing all of the songs I've written out loud
I pop an entire bowl of popcorn just for myself
Sometimes I sleep all day instead of getting up
I clean the kitchen
Oh man even the weird things I do are boring boring boring. 

Q&A with Katy

Ten of your wildest dreams

One a scale of one to wildest, here we go. Once in a dream…

1. …I lost my dog
2. …I woke up, lived a whole day, went back to sleep, and woke up to find it all a dream
3. …the Redwood Forest collapsed around me as I drove through it
4. …there was a car accident and I stopped to help
5. …there was an alligator in the golf course pond and it attacked someone
6. …planes dropped bombs on my neighborhood, and we literally headed for the hills to escape
7. …my friend was kidnapped, and I had to rescue her by myself because no one would help
8. …there were these huge swimming pools like at an amusement park, but then there was a flood, and I had to rescue a kid from drowning
9. …someone broke into my house, and I had to fight him off, and when I knocked him out he turned into a balloon and I tied him to a chair, and then my neighbor, Oprah came over and was being nosy and I had to pretend like nothing was wrong.
10. …My mom was pregnant.

Q&A with Katy

First ten songs when I put my music on shuffle

Before He Cheats, Carrie Underwood
Body Language, Queen
Battle of One, 30 Seconds to Mars
Won’t Back Down, Eminem
Slow Down, The Beatles
Jump, Glee Cast
Crazy Little Thing Called Love, Queen
Cooties, Aimee Allen
Neutron Star Collision, Muse
I Wish I Felt Nothing, The Wallflowers

Advice from one of my best friends...

Q&A with Katy

Top 10 things you look for in a friend.

I love being everyone's friend, but letting people close enough to hurt me and actually letting people be friends with me is a lot harder for me. So if you're my friend, then you probably

Care. Are honest with me. Treat others with respect. Tell me what's up with you. Listen to what's up with me. Smile and laugh with (or sometimes at) me. Forgive me when I mess up. Lean on me when you need it. Call me instead of me always calling you. Love me back.

Don't Give Up

I'll be the force that holds you to the earth
and the wind beneath your wings to carry you so far from hurt
Just let me in and I promise you
That I will be the best thing for you
No stop, don't turn around and quit listenin'
We need each other like a secret needs whisperin'
Don't give up before anything has started at all
Don't give up when I've already started to fall
what if I could be strong for the both of us?
What if I could be the girl who really is the one?
Don't give up before you really even know me at all

I could be the ship and sails to take you home
And the light of a rescue boat of your very own
Just take me in and make me yours
And I swear to change your whole world
Just please don't leave and make me keep followin'
I need you like a pinky promise needs promisin'
Don't give up before anything has happened at all
Oh don't give up when I've seen the future and I fall
What if I could be strong enough to hold you up?
What if love could bring the best out of both of us?
Don't walk away before you even really know me at all
Don't stand down when i know that you can stand tall

Baby I'll the wind beneath your wings
I'll rescue you and I'll set you free
Don't hold shut the door
when I can see you're on the floor
And you're bleeding out that blood so red,
and I'm shouting out to let me in
because I love you
and I know my arms around you
and I know my hands all on you

can bring you back to life

So don't give up before you really even know me at all
You're standing down when I know that you can stand tall
What if you could be the one to flick the switch?
Turn on the light and feel the heat of the brightness
I'm watching you give up and just give in to the dark
But please turn around because you're walking out with my heart 

I may be a liar but at least I tell the truth about that

Today was not better than yesterday...

When I Run Through Fountains

I say that I can't feel my heart beat
but I can feel its ghost beat
drums that make my feet
dance again

I sometimes think the wind blows
just to tell me it's cold
enough to warm up my old
smile again

I'm feeling this ice cold
river of a rainbow
falling over my own
shadow of myself

And when I stand in the sun
I see my shadow fall down
and through it shines bright sun
in in a heart on the ground

Is Broken Really Beautiful?

I feel my fear of what I think you are

like my irrational phobia of the dark

Wildly backing out from the start

Like an emotional reaction pre-broken heart

I tried...I tried to warn you
that I would only let you down
And I know...I know I told you
That baby, I don't got no heart sounds
If you feel for me, if you ask for more
I will shut you down, I will close the door
There's so much of me that sleeps within
And you aren't shouting so I can't listen
I feel deaf and I want to hear
if my heart still beats or if it's left me here
I think I'm blind but I want to see
if I'm as ugly as I seem
I can't move I'm paralyzed
to watch my life become a lie
Is this all I am, this hopeless fraud,
promising I can see, hear, and I can walk?

This is Your Line of My Song

05.10.11

When your home is far away
we have to listen to the stars that say
to look up
I say look up
You won't lose who you are
and you won't lose where you were
if you just look up
I said look up
if the stars are over head or over home
You are never alone.

Silence Sits on Me

Ask and I'll give you my heart to break it
But you won't ask, so you can't take it
Something's happening inside of me
Stones are where my heart is s'posed to be
No one's coming to save me from it
Eventually I'll die of it
Before me stretches an empty path
I'll reap the future I know I have
I trekked into the desert blindly
And I may have lost myself to winding roads
Watch the walls crumble away
I keep thinking there's something to say
But the more I look for answers the more I lose my faith
The more I search for words the less I wanna say

Untitled

You don't stop to listen
and I'm watching myself choke on fears and inhibitions

I’m watching history as it falls of my old bookshelf
and repeats itself again that tale I wish weren’t part of myself

So I'll just say it

I'm worried because I don't think you listened when I told you not to care
I know I told you this would happen and you too it like a dare
Like yeah we'll just see, let's just try it and see

I'm worried because you talked me into doing something I definitely knew I shouldn't
I said no so many times- I said it would lead you on, and you said it couldn't
Well now I'm seeing you seeing me and I don't like the way you're staring
I told you not get attached to me because you can't change the skin I'm wearing
Do you remember this skin as being warm that night?
Let me tell you, sir, it's cold as ice tonight

And I think there's someone warm enough to bring me back to life and thaw me out
I think a kiss could give me breath again and someone will be able to draw me out
But I know now it's not you, and I knew before that it wasn't you
I told you I'd seen what happens when I lead someone on and you
Just laughed it off, claiming the tables would be turned and I'd be chasing you
A little voice in my head wished I hadn't already seen me facing you
And leaving you behind like the ghosts of nightmares I keep killing off
Did you think I didn't have the experience to did your killing job?

Here's what I think
You don't realize how easy it is to be cold when I have no heartbeat
Feel my icy hand slap you across the face and remind you not to leap for me
Don't take a step of faith for this because there's no invisible stairs
You're just being stupid and you'll fall, because that's just invisible thin air
And I can hear it in your voice and I'm seeing it in your eyes
That my hands on him are connecting the dots of that lie
I think you've been constructing about how there's some kind of we now
And these observations of you are pushing me to consider how
I can get someone else to wrap his arms more tightly around me
to reinforce walls hiding my inside self screaming
"I need you to back off" because you're greatly mistaken
About who you are to be because I wasn't faking
When I said I wasn't going to care about you at all
I know that sounds fucked up but you have to admit I didn't lie at all
I was totally honest about how I would treat you
Like nothing happened and I've done just that but you
Seem like you were expecting more and it's making me grab onto something strong
to hold onto while your waves crash and I let my body say you're wrong
So I lean into him and feel your eyes are blazing into me
But I ignore you because he's just as cold as I am, and I hope you'll simply read
What my body language says and I turn away from you
and face someone else so you'll get more than just a clue
That you need to let me go, and I was right all along
That you let yourself think too far ahead, and you were wrong

Because I want him...her...anyone else
I want what you aren't and I want you to forget what you felt
Because that night as I was hesitant you explained I wasn't just anyone so it was okay
and I froze. Because I was thinking 'You could be anyone and this would be the same'
There's a good time, having fun, and then there's just usin you
I'm not sure I've crossed the line and don't I already know if I have to argue?

watch me turn my back and walk away so I can help you visualize

If my words don't reach you I don't know how to make you realize

That I'm not Wonder Woman, Amazonian strong
I'm just broken...and it's nobody's fault
But you won't be able to fix what you didn't break
Believe me, I've been watching myself carve out my heart and serve it up on a plate
To my demons who drink the blood my heart struggles to beat
This heart's so completely fucked up that it can't compete
With the demons and ghosts packing snow in my veins
With the memories and stench of everything about yesterday

Write down that I'm wrong and I'll fold it up real small
I'll jam it in my heart and pretend it makes me strong
But all the crumpled notes and all that bloody history
turns into the blood that's running through my arteries

What you're feeling for isn't a whole woman at all
I've been told I'm part ghost and that explains nearly all
Of what you've seen and what I am
and how I act and why I dance
Away from questions long overdue
toward any and all conviction to hide from you

Performed at Spring Quarter Scratch, May 2011

There is a Triangle...

And it is impossible to complete.

She Left You Here to Burn

She called last Saturday night, and said she didn't call to fight
but she needed out
And as your knees hit the concrete floor she said she couldn't tell you more
there's nothing to tell

I'm watchin her take you down to the Valley of the Shadow

I'm watchin her take you down a road you don't wanna follow

She's a-twistin you up inside, and I think she's so full of lies

that she left you here to burn, I think she left you here to burn

And she's a-cryin on your shoulder, because she told you not to hold her

I think she's so full of lies, I think she's so full of lies

She called you yesterday just to talk about her day
and you remember
She starts goin on and on about the crap that's goin wrong
but all you can see is that she's gone

I'm watchin her take you down to the Valley of the Shadow

I'm watchin her take you down a road you don't wanna follow

She's a-twistin you up inside, and I think she's so full of lies

that she left you here to burn, I think she left you here to burn

And she's a-cryin on your shoulder, because she told you not to hold her

I think she's so full of lies, I think she's so full of lies

When she calls you hang up the phone; gotta cut that rope that ties that stone
around your neck to pull you down
but she's got you in her grip, and you can't let it start to slip
or she'll be gone

I'm watchin her take you down to the Valley of the Shadow
I'm watchin her take you down a road you don't wanna follow
She's a-twistin you up inside, and I think she's so full of lies
that she left you here to burn, I think she left you here to burn
And she's a-cryin on your shoulder, because she told you not to hold her
I think she's so full of lies, I think she's so full of lies

You Don't Stop to Listen

Still you don't stop to listen

and I'm watching myself choke on fears and inhibitions

I'm watching history as it falls off my old bookshelf 

and repeats itself again that tale I wish weren't part of myself

So you're making me feel bad because you don't like a critic

but I have to change this time around and I think the truth is worth it

And you wouldn't know 'cause you've worked hard to not know me

But I've been here before and watched my world fall down around me

So go ahead, be mad at me, make me feel like shit

Beating me makes you feel better, but unlike you I'll take it.

Write down that I'm wrong and I'll fold it up real small

I'll jam it in my heart and pretend it makes me strong

But all the crumpled notes and all that bloody history

turns into the blood that's running through my arteries

Eventually all that pain teaches a lesson

The Girl Who Gave a Damn becomes a woman to be reckoned with

Loneliness Heartbreak

She cries herself to sleep thinkin' about it

wonderin if she'll ever find herself without

and it's eating her at night, infecting her insides

it's made her heart its meal, so there's nothing she can feel

except that loneliness heartbreak

I said that loneliness heartache

There must be something wrong with her outsides

betraying ugly emptiness inside

She said "I wish I didn't think this is all there is for me

But isn't twenty years enough to find someone to love?"

There's only loneliness heartbreak

call her Miss Lonely and Heartache'd

There hasn't been a day she's not reminded

how alone she is and how bad the night is

She wraps her arms around herself

and repeats the lie that they all tell

"Alone today but not someday

keep your chin up there's still someday"

But she's been saying it now for years

and she thinks someday has disappeared

so she turns her face to the wall

and lets the tears silently fall

She'll be alone tomorrow like tonight

Time to blow out her candle lights.