12 01 12

Circling, wolves circling, come close to the fire
to this burning funeral pyre
say a few words, make the flames jump higher
Make me chuckle, oh make me grin
I'm laughing at death and I'll do it again
Tell me more
tell me why
Lure me in
make me try
I adore this, you and me fit

be a wolf

circle in close, howl at the moon
meet me in the middle, howl at the moon
Look me in the eyes and let your teeth sink deep
Gotta grip tight if it's me you wanna keep
Run
Make your heart keep pace with your feet
Run
Faster, stay neck and neck with me
Write me a winter battle cry
sing me a message with a star in the sky
draw me a castle with your hands in mine
And I'll grow you a heart if you give me the time

01 07 13

I'll paint your portrait
all cheerful hues and broad strokes of smile
Bring your face to my hands
Let me thumb over it
To read your happy memories
like they are upturned mouth corners
Let me smooth those worried brows
And trace the outline of a story
Written in the falling star freckles of your skin

10 24 12

My toes are in the water.

And every time a wave kisses the shore

You kiss my toes

kiss toes

tip toe

further in waves twirl, you swirl

kiss my mouth, kiss my throat, kiss my lungs

hair and eyeballs wet with kisses

until I am kissing the seashore myself

I have not written anything in...way too long. It's strange.

I think it’s because when I write, I write from a very personal place.

And so sometimes I don’t know what to say, or how to say it, because sometimes feelings don’t have a name

And sometimes even if they do have a name, I am afraid to name them, or write them down, because then they have to be real and tangible. They aren’t feelings anymore, they’re words.

I really need to write.

There are these two boys who sit in the back

of my English class

Preaching in plaid

shirts and reminding us that

This country should be so much more

Make Me Remember

Wrote this a couple days ago. It's not finished yet, but I like where it seems to be going :)

Please make me feel tonight

Make me remember feelings that I forgot that I had

When I’m next to you I feel half human

I can do the love with the pain so find me a Cupid’s

bow to shoot me through the heart

I can take the pain if it’s a new start

I like that you’re more than meets my I

love that you’ll text me late at night

and ask me to tell you about my life

Because you know I need to spill who I am 

But no one asks the questions so I feel I can’t

Tell me, tell me, tell me somethins

Is this the ball or is it just a pumpkin?

Is it just a ploy? Is it just a trick?

Are you faking or are you interested?

Fall asleep with me over the phone

Describe the world that you come from

Type out the worlds that you have built 

and I’ll sing to you this page you’ve filled

They Call You the Heartbreak Thief

07.08.10

I'm bored of you, I'm sick of you
I can't believe I listened to you
Filled up my head with pretty trash
Though you were beggin' me back
Thought you'd turned a corner, turned a leaf
But you're nothin' but a heartbreak thief

I see what you really are
I see through your costume make up
I see through this sick facade
You can take off the White Knight get up
You never lied to me, but you cried to me
Told me you need me
You're a liar.

I'm bored with this, I'm sick of you
And no I can't, won't believe you
Filled up my head with beautiful lies
Somehow I didn't think of what you had to hide
Thought you'd changed for real, but no change at all
You're what we call a heartbreak thief

I see what you really are
I see through your costume make up
I see through this sick facade
You can take off the White Knight get up
You never lied to me, but you cried to me
Told me you needed me
You're a liar.

And I'm still here alone, still searching for someone to love
But ain't nobody gonna take me, I'm all broken down
With my broken heart
You heartbreak thief

Anything For You

I'm a glutton for punishment, but I know I can take it
Give me your pain - I need you to make it
I've got this box for you
and a lock for it too
Knock me down, gimme your best shot
I'm tellin' you, I'm more than what you're not
I can handle it, whatever you've got
Give it to me, baby, it's what I want

If it hurts you, send it my way
I'll put it in my heart and at the end of the day
It'll chew up my insides like a disease
But better me, 'cause for you baby, anything.
Hurt me, hate me, I can really take it
Burn me, break me, I'll do it for your sake
Not you, take me, it'll never break me
Guilt me, shame me, go ahead and hang me
Cut me, stake me, but you can't ever slay me
Eat me, drain me, Just so long as I'll be saving
you

It's masochistic, but at least it works, right?
It might take you down, but give it to me and I'll put up a fight
I've got a cell for it
It'll give me hell for this
It might kill me, but baby I can save you
Give me monsters, you know that I'll come through
Beat me down, and spill my blood
As I go down I'll pull you up

If it hurts you, send it my way
I'll put it in my heart and at the end of the day
It'll chew up my insides like a disease
But better me, 'cause for you baby, anything.
Hurt me, hate me, I can really take it
Burn me, break me, I'll do it for your sake
Not you, take me, it'll never break me
Guilt me, shame me, Go ahead and hang me
Cut me, stake me, you can't ever slay me
Eat me, drain me, Just so long as I'll be saving
you.

Closer

Closer than a brother, you understand
You know the real me and still love who I am
I can lean on you and you'll hold me up,
I can close my eyes and fall 'cause you have my trust
I cry when I'm with you, I cry 'cause I miss you
You're not a dream I dreamed, or I thought I'd seen
You're the friend I need, yeah you're the real thing
So stand by me when there's no one to run to
Fall into my arms when you think nobody loves you
Give me all your hurt, and hand over your pain
Tell me when you're lonely and when you're afraid
Hold my hand and we'll walk this way
When everyone is leaving know that I'll stay
Through the storms, through the wind and rain
We'll hold on to love, we'll hold on to faith
You can lean on me when you can't be brave
If it were me I know you'd do the same
Tell me the story, tell me your mess
It's not gonna make me love you any less
When you smile at me I know the world's alright
You make me believe that I can still try
I laugh when I'm with you, I cry when I miss you
This is too good to be a dream I dreamed
I love you and that's the real thing
So stand by me when the world is screaming
and I'll fall into your arms when I think nobody loves me
Tell me 'bout your day and I'll tell you 'bout my nightmares
I'll wear this ring and you'll know I'll always be there
Hold my hand and we'll walk this way
Holding on to love, keeping the faith
I trust you, I believe in your best
Don't let anybody say you're any less
Sometimes my world is so dark that I get scared
So tell me it's okay and that God hears our prayers
If I have a day when I hurt so bad
Wrap me in a hug and tell me that
"I smile when I'm with you, I cry when I miss you
Don't worry now, girl, 'cause you'll make it through
This darkness here is just a dream you dreamed,
I love you and that's the real thing
Oh take my hand and we'll walk this way
We might be broken but together we're brave."
Tell me when your wings won't fly
and I promise to carry you through the night

Nothing Left Unsaid

If you died tomorrow, would you be happy with today?
If I'd be gone tomorrow is there something else you'd say?
If the world were ending would you finally change?
If destiny existed, would you look my way?

There's so many "ifs" in a life like this
So many "maybes" in a world gone crazy
While it's all goin' down and you're all runnin' round
It's easy to forget that this is life and you're livin' it
Don't take it for granted, don't say you'll do it later
Don't coast by when you could be doin' greater things
Scream at the rain, and laugh at the lightning
Never give up and find a fight worth fighting
Say "I love you" to the ones you love
You don't want to wonder if you said it enough
Kiss like you mean it, and cry all the harder
Whatever you do know that once you're dead
There's no one to say the things you left unsaid


It's easy to say you'll do it on some other day
Easy to run instead of trying to be brave
But if you had to tell the truth, what would you say?
If you had the chance, would you show your face?

Chorus


What if you could know the day you'd die?
Would you confess everything to Jesus Christ?
Do you think you won't be crying at the end of your life
over regrets you can't forget even though you tried?

Chorus


Well there was ice on the road of my last dark night
and last I remember there were bright headlights
I head the crunch of the metal and a piercing cry
I saw the blood and knew it was mine
I took my last breath under a starry night
And the life shuddered out of me as I died
As I got cold, I saw my life
And all I could think was that I wouldn't have another try

There were so many "ifs" in the life I missed
So many "maybes" in a world gone crazy
While it was all goin' down and I was all runnin' 'round
It was easy to forget that that was life and I was missin' it
I took it for granted, I said I'd do it later
I coasted by when I coulda been doin' greater things
So scream at the rain and laugh at the lightning
Never give up and find a fight worth fighting 
I didn't say "I love you" to the ones I loved
And now I wonder if I said it enough
Oh kiss like you mean it, and cry all the harder
Search the stars when your heart starts to wander
But listen to me because now I'm dead
and there's no one to say the things I left unsaid

Regrets

Like an ocean wave, like slap to the face
like too many people in a too-small space
I can't sort 'em out and I can't kick 'em out
There's too many things to be thinkin' about
Remembering the many - too many- mistakes
Dustin' off the memories of long-gone days
Pacin' up and down to the beat of my worry
Runnin' round in circles to the tune of my hurry
I wanna look forward, I keep lookin' back
I wanna lose the ghosts but I can't do that

This is What Alone Feels Like

I don't think you know what it's like to be alone
As the world just goes on spinning, you stand alone and just get dizzy
Ice skates fly across the ice,
tracing lines into the night

...and I just stand here watching time go by
Waiting to go home,
waiting to not be alone
waiting for your arms around me
a warm embrace to hold me tightly
give me your hand, tell me you love me
hold me here, tell me you need me


I don't think you know how I feel when I'm alone
As the world catches fire and ignites, you stand aside and die a bit inside
The trumpet man plays the blues so softly
And I think I feel your touch caress me

Chorus


No I don't think you know the chill of being alone
Everybody else so lovely, you drift along just feeling lonely
There's no stars the night is dark
Empty, silent, like your heart

Chorus
Say that you're mine, say that you love me
Touch your cheek to mine and say that you can't breathe
Oh just say to me, say that you love me

The Beautiful Things that Heaven Bears

America. It is a land of opportunity, a country where streets are paved with gold. Those with the highest aspirations know they can only be reached here in this place. It is the kind of place where dreams come true, and money grows on trees, and all live together pursuing freedom, and truth, and justice. It is the Promised Land purported to be flowing with the milk of hope and the honey of dreams. But for immigrants the milk and honey may have a bitterness natives don’t understand.

Author Dinaw Mengestu describes the isolation of immigrants exquisitely in his book, The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears. Three lines of poetry from Dante’s Inferno represent the whole of the book in their poignancy,

“Through a round aperture I saw appear,
Some of the beautiful things that Heaven bears,
Where we came forth, and once more saw the stars.”

Mengestu’s book has five main characters, three of whom are foreign immigrants. Sepha is from Nigeria, his friend Joseph from the Democratic Republic of Congo, and Kenneth is from Kenya. Judith, a white woman, and her biracial daughter, Naomi, are wealthy newcomers to a predominantly poor area of town, immigrants of a different kind. The lines from Inferno summarize the four isolating types of hell Sepha, Joseph, Kenneth, and Judith experience as immigrants, and the agony that’s all too common among foreign immigrants to the United States.

Joseph represents the understandable reluctance of immigrants to assimilate to a new culture. Mengestu describes Joseph as someone who cannot let go of Africa. He is a man who walks forward, but with his back to the future, forever walking backward, so that he can watch his home country disappearing. In one scene Joseph comments on the lines from the Inferno above saying, “… No one can understand that line like an African because that is what we lived through. Hell every day with only glimpses of heaven in between (Mengestu, 2007, 100).” He, like many immigrants, still longs for his homeland with an undiminished love that spans time and distance. “There was hardly a single thing in Joseph’s life…that hadn’t become a metaphor for Africa. From great lines of poetry to the angle of falling light on a spring afternoon, he saw flashes of the continent wherever he went (Mengestu, 2007, 100).” The pursuit of “flashes of the continent” manifests itself in the formation of ethnic ghettos, which provide a community for immigrants, but also perpetuate their segregation from the rest of society.The hell that Joseph and the immigrants living in ghettos are experiencing is the Hell of Homelessness. Although these immigrants have come to a new country to enjoy its benefits, it is not their home, and their true home is the unreachable star in the heavens, untouchable, except by its cheap imitation in ghettos, the Africa metaphors Joseph sees everywhere.

Kenneth is another type of immigrant. He represents an immigrant caught between two worlds who reaches unceasingly for the carrot of a new country dangling in front of his nose. While Joseph misses Africa and sees its image in everything, “Kenneth hates him for this (Mengestu, 2007, 100).” Kenneth is hyper-conscious of his status as a foreign immigrant. Like Fanon, he sees how he is being seen by the natives, and he hates it. He always appears respectable by wearing a pressed shirt and an impeccably tied tie. “He believes in the power of a well-tailored suit to command the attention and respect of those who might not otherwise give him a second thought (Mengestu, 2).” His teeth, which are neither straight, nor white, stay hidden behind his hand when he talks to natives; he is self-conscious about who he is, and yet he gives a big grin to his friends when they ask him about his teeth, saying “’You can never forget where you came from if you have teeth as ugly as these’ (Mengestu, 3,” in self-deprecation.

He lives in imitation of the wealthy, successful men he wants to be, repeating the same phrases over and over because that’s what successful Americans do, and hanging up the phone abruptly because the powerful “can dismiss with a wave of the hand and never think twice about it (Mengestu, 2007, 35).” Yet, despite all of his charades he is no closer to being a successful, wealthy American, and he is trapped his hell. He hates seeing how he is seen, and tries to make himself someone different in response, but can’t, and must continuing the cycle of loathing. He hates his hell, sees the stars outside, and cannot help but wish he were out there, and cannot help but hate the place he must remain.

Perhaps the strangest of Mengestu’s characters is not alcoholic Joseph, or Ken the engineer, but the mysterious Judith. She is a white woman, a single mother of a biracial daughter, a former professor of American political history, and she’s moved into a new neighborhood that’s so unfamiliar it’s practically a foreign country. Judith is the unwelcome immigrant, the foreigner who wants nothing more than to live her life, but finds herself the object of the neighborhood’s animosity toward strangers, the butt of nativism’s humorless joke.

Mengestu has turned nativism on its head in his portrayal of Judith as its victim. Normally when we picture over-zealous patriots uniting against foreigners, we see white Arizonans turning on the immigrants of color from Mexico, or the citizens of Boston or New York confining immigrants from all over the world to ghettos in the 1900s, but here the natives are poor, predominantly Black, and they turn on a wealthy white newcomer. The irony is striking.

When Judith first moves in Mrs. Davis, a native, sums up the neighborhood attitude towards her. “’Why do you think a woman like that would wanna live here? Doesn’t seem right, does it?’ (Mengestu, 2007, 23)” Judith is the character who represents the immigrants who come to the United States and find discrimination in the place of the welcome they expected. A 2008 article in Ebony describes the hatred Somali immigrants are facing in Columbus, Ohio. The city is home to the nation’s second-largest population of Somalis, 45,000, but nativism is a tragic problem that has fueled shootings, deaths, vandalism, and prejudice. In an irony that almost matches that of Mengestu, the native Black community is often at odds with African newcomers. A mosque where nearly 1,500 Somalis worship has been repeatedly vandalized, and the words “Go back to Africa” have been spray-painted on it. The congregation was even the target of a paintball gun attack. This type of degrading discrimination is seen all over the United States and is symptomatic of the Hell of Discrimination experienced by many new immigrants.

At last we come to the last of Mengestu’s representations of immigrants, the last of the characters he places in a hell, Sepha. He is the immigrant who hates himself, who can’t let go of Africa, but Sepha does not have the same hatred as Kenneth, or the same nostalgia as Joseph. His enemy is not the way others see him; his enemy is not the unfamiliarity of the New World. No, Sepha’s enemy is his own mind, and the trauma that tortures him. Sepha has isolated himself in a hell because his silent betrayal caused his father’s death, and neither he, nor his father, can forgive him now. Like Judas, who killed himself after he betrayed his Lord, Sepha considers his sin to be so great that he cannot allow himself to move on.

Sepha is less of a true immigrant, and more of an exile, pushed out of his home by his mother, plagued with survivor’s guilt. Although Sepha talks about going home throughout the novel, he can’t bring himself to actually do it, because he can’t go home, because he must remain in exile in penance of the sins he believes he has committed. This character represents a small community of immigrants whose very existence is painful to them. They feel that they could have done something to avert the catastrophe that caused them to flee their home country, or that the event was their fault. These survivors reside in a hell of their own making, constantly reminding themselves of the trauma they experienced. Sepha is fairly disinterested with his life in the present because to him his past makes a future to look forward to unattainable.

Sepha is so traumatized, is so entrenched in his hell, that he cannot have ambitions, cannot wish anything good for himself. He quits his job, runs away from his problems, but most of his major decisions haven’t actually been his own. His mother pushes him to leave Africa, his uncle drags him to a job interview and does all the talking, even his store is Kenneth’s idea. He sees the beautiful things heaven bears in a possible relationship with Judith, and when talking about expanding the store, but he never reaches for them because he knows he just doesn’t deserve them. This Hell of Guilt is the hell where inhabitants see the stars and do not weep to know they will never be theirs, but accept passively that they are unworthy even of the light of the stars.

Each of these characters is living in a hell. Joseph because he is homeless, constantly looking backward, Kenneth because he hates being seen as a foreigner, Judith because she is unwelcome, and Sepha because he is guilt-ridden. These four represent four types of immigrants in the United States, the ghetto inhabitant, the stereotyped, the persecuted, and the survivors. Every one of them, even the survivor, is isolated in his new “home”. We think of America as this utopia, this paradise of freedom, and truth, and justice, but we can be as unwelcoming as a nightmare of a mother-in-law, as misunderstanding as a deaf man, and as discriminatory as a slave owner. Today we rarely turn our heads to discuss the plight of immigrants in the US today, unless we’re complaining about the rising numbers of illegal immigrants. The legal immigrants are too often overlooked. But as illegal immigration increases nativist sentiments, and these issues go un-discussed and swept under the rug, we are isolating those whom years ago founded the idea of American freedom- immigrants. Too many immigrants come to America out of a hell, because they see the beautiful things our heaven bears, and too often they are instead isolated in a new hell where they can see the stars but never touch them.

Letters to the Battlefield

I hear your voice over the telephone, 
and you won't say what's goin' on
You sound so sad, I wanna hold you tight, 
and tell you everything is gonna be alright
And I believe...that you'll come back to me
Oh I believe...that someday we will see
that we are where we're s'posed to be,
 and you'll be standing next to me

So when there's fire and they're dropping bombs
the world's exploding and everything is wrong
When there's so much pain that you can't talk
and you're so afraid the night's too long
When you's so tired you can't be strong
and you need someone to be your rock
and you wanna hold a hand to help you walk
close your eyes and play this song

I hear your voice over the telephone, 
and you won't say what's goin' on.
You sound so sad I wanna hold you tight, 
and tell you everything is gonna be alright
And I believe...that you'll come back to me
oh I believe...that someday we will see
that we are where we're s'posed to be, 
and you'll be standing next to me

If there's so much noise that you can't hear
or you think the end is drawing near
If you can't move there's too much fear
or you don't want anyone to see your tears
If the blood becomes too much to bear
or you wake up in the night with the nightmares
When you're holding onto nothing but a broken prayer
Listen to my voice and I'll protect you there

I hear your voice over the telephone
and you won't say what's goin' on
You sound so sad, I wanna hold you tight
and tell you everything is gonna be alright
'Cause I believe...that you'll come back to me
Oh I believe...that someday we will see
That we were where we're s'posed to be
and you'll be standing next to me

If you think the wrath of God is pouring down
and you're so lost you can't be found
When the  screaming is so effing loud
It's in your head, you can't keep it out
if your heart is silent and it cannot pound
If you're sinking in the sand and you're gonna drown
I want you to put your gun down
and focus on me, and on this sound

I hear your voice over the telephone
and you won't say what's goin' on
You sound so sad, I wanna hold you tight
and tell you everything is gonna be alright
And I believe...that you'll come back to me
Oh I believe...that someday we will see
That we were where we're s'posed to be
And you'll be standing next to me

Looking at me now with a great big grin
As the rain beats down to wash away our sins
The clouds will break and the sun will shine
So you tell them that you can't lie
'cause you promised me you'd come home fine

I hear your voice over the telephone

and you won't say what's goin' on

You sound so sad, I wanna hold you tight

and tell you everything is gonna be alright

And I believe...that you'll come back to me

Oh I believe...that someday we will see

That we were where we're s'posed to be

And you'll be standing next to me

Waiting

I don't think you know, what it's like to be alone.
As the world just goes on spinning, you stand alone and just get dizzy
Ice skates fly across the ice, tracing lines into the night
and I just stand here watching time go by...

Waiting to go home
Waiting to not be alone
Waiting for your arms around me
A warm embrace to hold me tightly
Give me your hand, tell me you love me
Kiss me hard, tell me you need me

'Cause I don't think you know, how I feel when I'm alone
As the world catches fire and ignites, you stand aside and die a bit inside
The trumpet man plays his blues so softly, and I think I feel your touch caress me
And I just stand here watching time go by...

Waiting to go home
Waiting to not be alone
Waiting for your arms around me
A warm embrace to hold me tightly
Give me your hand, tell me you love me
Kiss me hard, tell me you need me

No, I don't think you know, the chill of being alone
Everybody else so lovely, you drift along just feeling lonely
There's no stars the night is dark, empty, silent, like your heart
And I still stand here watching time go by...

Waiting to go home,
Waiting to not feel alone
Waiting for your arms around me
A warm embrace to hold me tightly
Give me your hand, tell me you love me
Kiss me hard, tell me you need me
Say that you're mine, say that you love me
Touch your cheek to mine and say that you can't breathe
Oh just say to me, just say to me, just say that you love me. 

Strip Off His Feathers

A long time ago there once was a time
a girl dreamed a dream, an impossible lie
There was a young prince who looked in her eyes
Who told her together they would fly high
But strip off his colors and what is he now?
Just the court jester playing around

A long time ago there once was a child
A girl dreamed a dream, an impossible lie
And eagle would fly her into the sky
They would fly to the stars, at least they would try
But strip off his feathers and what does she find?
A pig in the pen squealing his lie

There once was a woman who looked back in time
Remembering dreams, the impossible lies
She is alone now but never cries
happiness isn't found in a lie
So strip off her armor and what do you find?
Just the same woman, naked and white.

Taylor

In a moment of clarity in a post-Twilight world one Taylor Lautner fan realizes it's a little disgusting...

All these girls craving unreal love
Drooling in lust that will never be enough
And I don't know why we buy it
But like a drug if you just try it
You'll suddenly become compliant
You'll realize you can't deny it

Have you seen Taylor? Have you seen Twilight?
Have you seen the girls wasting their lives?
Pining away for a love unreal
Wishing for the drama of One Tree Hill
Slavering for Chuck on Gossip Girl
Spread your legs and let the lust unfurl

I don't know why we buy
but like a drug if you just try it
you'll suddenly become compliant
You'll realize you can't deny it

Lick your lips and eat it up
Seventeen tells you how to fall in love
see New Moon and moan for more
of eight-pack abs and Teen Wolf taylor
Don't close your eyes you haven't seen it all
There's more to see and further to fall

I don't know why we buy it
but like a drug if you just try it
you'll suddenly become compliant
You'll realize you can't deny it

Kendra and Andy's Song

Here you can see all this past history
Song after song tryin' to say what you've meant to me
But there's just so much to say
and my words came out faster as tears anyway
So I have to write this down so the words will flow
If I tried to say it out loud you know I'd choke
For the pas month and a half I've had this lump in my throat
How can I leave the two anchors who kept me afloat?
Throughout storm after storm, through the treacherous waves
You've never wavered, never stumbled, never caved
I was on this ship, Titanic, and it was going down
You pulled me up and outta the water before I drowned.
You wrapped a friendship blanket around me and said "You can survive"
And the warmth started to thaw my blind frozen eyes
This was no black hole I was fallin' in
It was just a dark tunnel and there was light at the end
I had literally though I might be better off dead
When you shook me awake and whispered "Try living again"
I was so terrified of going to sleep
I saw dark shadows and dreamed horrible dreams
Of terrors and monsters and nightmare things
Of fear and loneliness and birds without wings
The demons saw I was weak and they clawed at me
Chaining me up telling me I'd never be free
You shined the light of Christ into a dark dark life
And freed a scared lost girl who'd given up the fight
I just want you to know, I just want you to know
That before you took my hand I'd thought I was entirely, no joke, alone.
You set me on my feet and said it would be okay
You helped me learn to walk again and quit being afraid
I don't think you knew what you were doing in my life at the time
But know now you did more than talk to me for hours at a time
You never EVER told me you didn't have time for me
And you helped me remember the person I could be
I think I've cried a lot, but you made me laugh more
Made me realize I don't have to be sad anymore
You two have made me laugh longer and harder than ever before
Remember the time you said that thing about that movie that you mighta lost your pants for?
Or when we laughed for days over a remark Jayme had made
Or the time SOMEbody's gum ended up in the bottom of my lemonade?
If I've ever been in love, I fell in love with your boys
and running around in your backyard throwing dripping tennis balls Ginger destroys
You guys have played so many roles in my life
Teacher, mentor, sister, brother, friend, and guiding light
I don't know how to thank you or even put into words
The difference you made in the once scared lost little girl
I'll admit as I write this a tear or two is staining the page
But it's okay 'cause I know I'm not lost or afraid

Sticks and Stones Will Bruise My Bones, But Words Will Surely Destroy Me

"I hate you", "you're fat" and "you disgust me"
The words are just words but they still hurt me
We had a fight and I walked away
and now it's over is what you say
But your abuse keeps coming from left and right
Brutal gladiator wounds to make me cry
You say I mean nothing, what we had was a joke
You say I was easy and your eyes are cold
I thought we were stronger
But I was wrong, I'm not strong enough for this
I'm trying to move on, but you won't let me
every time I take a step you drag me back ten feet

With these words like bricks smashing into my skull
with these words like fists crushing into my soul
Like I can't take a breath I'm suffocating
These verbal weapons are exterminating
All I can do is hit the floor
and think about everything and cry some more

My Mom calls me a bitch and says I'm a whore
She's told me I'm worthless since I was four
They say not to believe her, but how can I not?
I am weak and stupid, and it's all my fault
I know I'm not worth much so I let them use me
for sex, for fun, I let them abuse me
People have tried to tell me I'm so much more
But I think they're wrong, I know I'm a whore
I moved out of my house and my mother's dead,
Still her words are all I think about trapped in my head
It didn't matter what anyone said
I sat down in the bathtub, cut my wrists, and bled.

It was those words like bricks smashing into my skull
With those words like fists crushing into my soul
like I couldn't breath I suffocated
By verbal weapons I was exterminated
All I could do was hit the floor
and think about everything 'til I couldn't cry no more

Well my parents tell me that I should try harder
That I should be better, be a lot smarter
When I brought home a "B" - the best I could do
My dad said "Are you gonna be a failure all your life too?"
Nothing I did could be good enough
My passions were nothing, they were just stuff
An "A" was a should-been A-plus
And better SAT scores were a major must
A compliment was a coulda-done-better
A friend? Sit down, do schoolwork, forget her
So I studied hard in how to be a better version of me
Knowing me as myself is a not good enough me

And their words like bricks smash into my skull
with their words like fists crushing into my soul
Like I can't breath I'm suffocating
With verbal weapons They're exterminating
All I can do is hit the flood
And think about everything and cry some more