I'm Feeling Optimistic at This Very Moment

Maybe it's the large quantities of caffeine I've recently imbibed, but I'm feeling quite optimistic about this next school year. I start in September and I'm pretty excited about my classes, about having a change of scenery, about meeting new people, keeping in touch with old friends, and keeping up with the school work. Strangely enough I'm looking forward to typing notes on lectures so fast my spelling is all off. And I'm eagerly anticipating my first paper. Ah, it must be too long since my traumatic experience with Spring finals. The emotional trauma of being trapped in a basement for two days and an all nighter whilst finishing several papers seems to have faded, and I'm ready to jump back into the rush of a busy day, and the crunch of homework.

There are so many uncertainties that I have right now. Like, am I in the right major? Am I supposed to be a nurse? Maybe I shouldn't have switched and I should go back to pre-med. What if my classes are too hard? What if I get an awfully hard teacher? Is first quarter going to be as bad as last year's first quarter? How will I squeeze all my jackets and my shoes into the tiny closets they give us? But I don't seem to care. At this very moment I feel optimistic that it'll all work out. I have a planner, and colored pens, and a positive attitude. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna pass with flying colors. I'm going to smile. I'm going to do well in school, and have a social life. I'm going to make that impossibility happen.

Or maybe that's just the several energy drinks talking.

But I hope this optimism lasts. I kinda like it.

Nothing Left Unsaid

If you died tomorrow, would you be happy with today?
If I'd be gone tomorrow is there something else you'd say?
If the world were ending would you finally change?
If destiny existed, would you look my way?

There's so many "ifs" in a life like this
So many "maybes" in a world gone crazy
While it's all goin' down and you're all runnin' round
It's easy to forget that this is life and you're livin' it
Don't take it for granted, don't say you'll do it later
Don't coast by when you could be doin' greater things
Scream at the rain, and laugh at the lightning
Never give up and find a fight worth fighting
Say "I love you" to the ones you love
You don't want to wonder if you said it enough
Kiss like you mean it, and cry all the harder
Whatever you do know that once you're dead
There's no one to say the things you left unsaid


It's easy to say you'll do it on some other day
Easy to run instead of trying to be brave
But if you had to tell the truth, what would you say?
If you had the chance, would you show your face?

Chorus


What if you could know the day you'd die?
Would you confess everything to Jesus Christ?
Do you think you won't be crying at the end of your life
over regrets you can't forget even though you tried?

Chorus


Well there was ice on the road of my last dark night
and last I remember there were bright headlights
I head the crunch of the metal and a piercing cry
I saw the blood and knew it was mine
I took my last breath under a starry night
And the life shuddered out of me as I died
As I got cold, I saw my life
And all I could think was that I wouldn't have another try

There were so many "ifs" in the life I missed
So many "maybes" in a world gone crazy
While it was all goin' down and I was all runnin' 'round
It was easy to forget that that was life and I was missin' it
I took it for granted, I said I'd do it later
I coasted by when I coulda been doin' greater things
So scream at the rain and laugh at the lightning
Never give up and find a fight worth fighting 
I didn't say "I love you" to the ones I loved
And now I wonder if I said it enough
Oh kiss like you mean it, and cry all the harder
Search the stars when your heart starts to wander
But listen to me because now I'm dead
and there's no one to say the things I left unsaid

Regrets

Like an ocean wave, like slap to the face
like too many people in a too-small space
I can't sort 'em out and I can't kick 'em out
There's too many things to be thinkin' about
Remembering the many - too many- mistakes
Dustin' off the memories of long-gone days
Pacin' up and down to the beat of my worry
Runnin' round in circles to the tune of my hurry
I wanna look forward, I keep lookin' back
I wanna lose the ghosts but I can't do that

This is What Alone Feels Like

I don't think you know what it's like to be alone
As the world just goes on spinning, you stand alone and just get dizzy
Ice skates fly across the ice,
tracing lines into the night

...and I just stand here watching time go by
Waiting to go home,
waiting to not be alone
waiting for your arms around me
a warm embrace to hold me tightly
give me your hand, tell me you love me
hold me here, tell me you need me


I don't think you know how I feel when I'm alone
As the world catches fire and ignites, you stand aside and die a bit inside
The trumpet man plays the blues so softly
And I think I feel your touch caress me

Chorus


No I don't think you know the chill of being alone
Everybody else so lovely, you drift along just feeling lonely
There's no stars the night is dark
Empty, silent, like your heart

Chorus
Say that you're mine, say that you love me
Touch your cheek to mine and say that you can't breathe
Oh just say to me, say that you love me