Nicaragua

For all of you wondering about my trip to Nicaragua:

My trip to Nicaragua was incredible. My dad and I drove five hours from Winnemucca to Salt Lake City and then flew out the following morning to Atlanta. We were supposed to fly out from Houston, but because of Hurricane Ike, all flights from Houston were on permanent hold. We met up with a few other team members in Atlanta and then we all flew out together to Managua, the capital of Nicaragua. We stayed in a Best Western there with our whole team and commuted on our bus each day to the little village of Los Brasiles.

We saw about 1,400 people at our clinic over about four or five days. We had a team of around 20 people and then each person had a translator. We were set up in a school so each "clinic" was inside a room of the school. Patients went first to a pastor's station where each and every one of them heard the gospel. Then they went to the nurse's station where they were sorted to whichever clinic they wanted to go to. We had an eyeglasses clinic, a gynocology clinic, a pediatrics/kids clinic, a general med clinic, a dental clinic with cleanings, fillings, and extractions, and even a mobile surgery unit, which was basically a top-rate RV revamped with an OR inside, for minor surgeries. After patients visited with a doctor they were given a "prescription" which they could take to the pharmacy. We had a ton of medications, but of course we were mostly distributing things like tylenol, antiparasitics, antibiotics, cough medicine, vitamins, and other basic medications. In addition to the clinic, our team also held a vacation Bible school for kids and a week-long workshop for about fifteen local pastors and their wives.

I worked mostly in the dental clinic, holding flashlights as lights for fillings and prepping syringes and trays for the dentists. Let me just tell you that extractions are not at all fun to watch. I also got to observe a minor surgery, which was pretty interesting. I worked with the kids quite a bit, in and out of the VBS. They really liked having their picture taken and then seeing themselves on the camera's screen. Our team also split up sometimes to do "house calls" to bring medical attention to the few people who were too sick or too handicapped to make it to the clinic. Unfortunately, if they were too sick come a short ways to the clinic, they were usually too sick for us to help them in any substantial way. My dad and I went on a couple of house calls, but we weren't able to really provide any medical aid so much as spiritual support.

At one particular home, where a family of eleven lived, we saw several patients. The grandmother had had hip surgery a few years ago, but her hip hadn't healed correctly and as a result she could no longer walk without excruciating pain. We provided the woman with some painkillers, but could do nothing for her legs, even though she pleaded with us to give a medication that would let her walk again. Her son had been an alcoholic for most of his life and had probably been sick for a long time. By examining him we discovered that his liver and kidney failure was pretty advanced; we gave him some medication for pain, but his condition is fatal. The last family member we saw was the sixteen-year-old granddaughter who was pregnant out of wedlock. The girl had a minor rash, so my dad gave her a cream that would take care of it. Just by chance (or maybe it was a God thing?) my dad had happened to bring his fetal Doppler heart tone monitor. When that girl heard her baby's heartbeat for the first time...it was so amazing. Our translator was just as moved as he said "There is life!"

By Saturday we had packed up the temporary clinic, but we planned to make a quick stop at the dump, which is pretty much acres and acres of trash. For as far as you can see, it's just mountains of trash in all directions. The worst part isn't the garbage, it's the thousands of people who live inside the dump, collecting and selling recyclables because they have no other way to survive. We had thought Los Brasiles was poor, but the dump community was the definition of abject poverty. These people had made their homes out of trash and scraps from the dump. It was especially sad to see barefoot kids, clothed in rags, collecting trash for their families.

We left on Sunday, from Managua to Atlanta to Salt Lake again. Unfortunately, our luggage was lost because we switched flights, but it was delivered to our home Monday morning. The five hour drive back from Salt Lake Sunday night was a time for reflection and digestion of all that we'd seen and experienced. I went to school the next day and my dad returned to work and even though it seems like our routines haven't changed, I know neither one of us will ever be the same.

Coming back to the States after a trip like this is difficult. To see the opportunities and freedoms and luxuries we as Americans are afforded is astounding. In a few days you'll sit down to a huge thanksgiving meal, and as you do that remember what God has given you and really really thank Him for that. And please say a prayer for the Nicaraguans in Los Brasiles and in the dump, that God would bless them and take care of them and that they would come to know him. This account has taken me numerous sit-downs to write, so I apologize that it's taken me so long. And this isn't even the whole story. It's so hard to put into words the sights and sounds and tastes of Nicaragua, the poverty, the pollution, the people. But this is the best I can do.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support,


Katy

Niceragua

My dad and I leave for Nicaragua September 13. Keep us in prayer...

Forever is a Long, Long Time

And I haven't written in forever. But here I am, writing again. When life gets busy and full, it's hard to try to justify putting my thoughts into cyberspace. Anyway, I just got back from CAMA Camp and it was amazing as usual. But Camp this year was more than "usual". I met a lot of new people and I'm beginning to realize that even though I only see these people once a year at this camp, I think they're going to be my life-long friends. I mean, I think it's these people who are going to be the ones I can turn to in times of trouble.

So Camp is physically exhausting, you know, but more than that, it's like standing under the Niagra Falls of God and Jesus and faith and Christianity and spiritual warfare and worship and yeah. It's an incredible sensation to be totally immersed in God and in the Word for an entire week. And I feel my faith being built and I feel God tugging on my heart and I can hear His voice again and what a joy that is. To have gone so long without thinking about what God wanted for me- that was just wrong. But I'm back on the path now. I'm picking my way along the straight and narrow and I'm setting out, I'm resolving, I'm vowing to use this next year to become more like the woman God wants me to be. I'm going to be growing a lot this year. I think God is really going to be stretching me and I'm going to try to really read my Bible everyday and dig in to the Word and I'm going to relinquish control. I don't know if you know how hard that will be for me, so let me explain. I'm a little OCD, I guess, and I'm a very controlling person. I like to have control of my life. I need to have control of my life, but I can't do it anymore, it's just too much weight, too much for me to carry on my own, so God is gonna have to help me from now on, because I have to give it up. There's this Hillsong song that the speaker at camp played one night and it goes "Bring me to my knees, Lord I lay me down, rid me of myself, I belong to you" And that's so true for me.

Here's a shout-out to John and Keshia, Dan and Mel, Damaris and Hannah, Connor and Lace. Love you guys.

THAT girl

I don't really know why, but for some reason I'm not "That" girl. I'm not the girl guys seem to ask to lunch or dinner or dances. And for a while I struggled with that, wondering "what's wrong with me? why am I so undesirable?" But the thing is, as far as I can figure, I wouldn't really want to be That girl anyway. Being That girl means I have to be someone I'm not, and I know that there are certain, great qualities about me that prevent me from being Her. And I think that's a good thing. I don't want to be someone else; I don't want to be That girl; I just want to be me.

Philosophical Question of the Day:

If we all boycotted crappy movies, would Hollywood stop making them?


Go to Film Fancy to read about Step Up 2: The Streets.

In Flanders Fields

WWI Survivor, John McCrae, wrote this after the battle in Flanders Fields...

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

-John McCrae

Hello World!

I haven't posted in a while, I know. Life has been busy as usual, crazy as always. I'm posting this from my Web Design class at school since I won't have time when I get home on account of my homework load at the moment

I've started a new art project, wire sculpture, and it's proving to be quite difficult for me. But challenges are good for you, so I've embraced this one and trying to wrestle wire will be my greatest endeavor for the next week or so. *insert lol here* :)

I'm heading up a project to have recycling started up at my school again, and it's working! We should be distributing recycling bins for paper this week. We students, there are about six or seven on this project, will have to sort the paper into different categories (white/lined, magazines, newspaper) and also transport it to the recycling center, so it looks like a lot of work from here, but I'm happy we're getting this going.

Also, my school will be starting a printed and online newspaper next year that I was asked to be on, so I'm excited about that. My teacher asked two of his students, myself and another, to design a website for the newspaper as well, so I'm working on construction and mapping the site while Rodrigo builds the css and html necessary.

Love you all, I'll post more soon I hope!

Katy

Jan 07-Jan 08

Hey everyone, here goes this year’s summation…

At the end of last school year I saw both Lowry and HomeLink graduations and both were great. This summer was extraordinarily busy. In June I took a 12-hour road trip with Peter and up to Washington with only two stops (a new record!). He played with a band at the HomeLink graduation and then embarked on a longer road trip with his friends. Mary and I stayed behind, visited relatives and friends and got to visit my old church, Smokey Point Community Church, as well.

I also spent about a week in Newport Beach, California in July, reuniting with old friends and long lost relatives and of course catching a few waves. It was really awesome and I had a great time hanging out with Kurt and John, my cousins. We saw dolphins and nearly got attacked by a shark. Well, actually the shark more got attacked by the lifeguard. Anyway.

Then Mary, my mom, and I took our own road trip up the west coast through San Francisco, California. We toured the Jelly Belly factory (which was interesting, considering my distaste for jelly beans) and the San Francisco Sour Dough Bread factory. We stayed in some quaint hotels, one with a unique jungle theme(!), sampled some crazy cuisine, and then made it up to Washington. Brad met us there and he, Mary, and I were counselors at CAMA Camp for one life-changing, kick-butt week. It was incredible, even with a little drama, a little spiritual warfare, and some vomit thrown in. CAMA Camp is always my refresher before heading back to Winnemucca for school, which starts in August in Nevada.

But we do get out earlier in the year.

School has been good this year. Oh, and ridiculously INSANE. I have a full schedule of seven classes, math, science, English, US history the usual, and I’m taking Spanish, which is great. I really do enjoy the language and I enjoy learning it. Umm I’m taking a web design class and I have the most amazing website now (searchingformywings.net), and an art class. This is my third year of art and it just keeps getting better. I really cannot believe how far I’ve come from three years ago! Art is definitely my favorite class. We’ve done some really, really cool projects this year, including a portrait in acrylics (see it here), that turned out amazing.

This year it’s just testing testing testing! I took the PSAT and the Nevada Reading Proficiency Test in October. I’ll be taking several SATs this year along with the AP exams for English Composition and US History. I’m in the middle of finals week here too, so that’s…fun. The second week after we got back from break is finals week? Who thought that one up, I don’t know.

I’ve been involved in tons of activities in school like National Honor Society, and I was appointed president of the Art Club (which I really did not expect). We’re planning a bunch of big things projects this year, murals and workshops, and art nights and fieldtrips. I’m really excited for our upcoming events.

I've been working for my dad at his office once or twice a week to save money and am enjoying the income. His practice continues to grow and he performed over 140 deliveries in 2007, including 8 Christmas week. My mom is his office manager now and she really likes her job.

My brothers are at The University of Nevada in Las Vegas Film School and they're doing pretty well. They're both working really hard, holding down jobs while trying to keep their grades up as well. But still, both of them agree that college is the best time of their lives and they really love it. Peter's made some amazing new friends, and Brad's learned some more really cool stuff, and I'm excited for them both. We'll see what the future holds for them.

Mary is beginning softball season, keeping up with her impressive class load, and also juggling her leadership activities and Sophomore Class President. She loves taking French and she tried ceramics this year, which has become somewhat of a love/hate relationship. Mary's looking forward to a trip to Paris sometime somehow in her future.

2008 promises to be full of more adventures and more traveling! I’m heading to Washington, D.C. this April for the Congressional Youth Leaders Conference, which I’m especially looking forward to. A big group of us will get to hear from amazing speakers and see the sights and do model congress/model presidential cabinet stuff. I’m hoping it’ll be a great experience. Of course I’m coming back to Washington for CAMA Camp 2008, and hopefully more graduations, but we’ll see. I’m planning on rockin the powder up at Lake Tahoe this ski season. I already got a small taste – it dumped 4-5 feet on us a couple weeks ago, so I’m hoping for more of that!

Our church was planning to send us and a team to India for a missions trip this March, but it looks like we’re going to have to postpone it or cancel it altogether. The church we were to dedicate and work at and some of its members were attacked by Hindu radicals and we do not even know if the church still is still standing. Please pray for the Church in India, there were many churches burned across the state of Orissa in India and 10 Christians were killed. God is good though, and I know that He can bring something good from all this hate and violence.

Hope to see all of you this year, but if I don’t, you know I love you. Merry Christmas, Happy 2008, and Valentine’s and St. Patrick’s and Easter, and any other holidays I’m missing! I love you all and I’m sending you hugs! Here's to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. Here's to never regretting, only learning. Here's to new friends and old friends, lost friends and friends regained. Here's to living life and living passionately, loving wholeheartedly and loving unrestrainedly, speaking honestly and truthfully; to seeing with vision, to looking toward the future, and to another chance to live, love and laugh.

Katy

"Do die is nothing, it is frightful not to live." -From Victor Hugo's Les Miserables

Screaming Doesn't Really Impress Me

Look. There's a time to be a child and enjoy your innocence and naivete whilst you still can, but now it's time to grow up. Grown-ups, when they have a problem don't scream at people. Because that would be immature. And adults, are mature. Babies are not. Babies complain and cry and don't like to get their diapers changed, but someone has to do it. I'm the one changing diapers here, not you. I'm responsible for your safety and for feeding you and for driving you to school on time. I'm sorry if my after school habits inconvenience you. You're just going to have to get over it and have a moment or two of adultness and try to be patient for fifteen or twenty minutes. Make the best of waiting for me to finish my business and try to become accustomed with the idea of "compromising". Adults do that too.

The Drinking Game

Here, in the town where I live, underage drinking isn't some illegal dangerous party thing that kids do to piss off their parents, it's a way of life. I mean, everyone does it. Kids' parents make them alcoholic drinks, get drunk around them, say "Don't do this", and then don't even keep an eye on them. Kids drink because everyone does it, why not them? They drink partly to fit in, but mostly just because it's what you do here. Once you get into high school, it's just what you do. It's not "bad", you won't get caught or be arrested for it because no one cares. It's just the way life is here.

I don't condone it, and I certainly don't participate in it, I'm just trying to understand why my friends get plastered and don't even care.

Love May Hurt, but Losing is Worse

When you lose something that you've convinced yourself is unimportant, it's hard. When you lose someone you didn't know you cared about so much, it's excruciating. You're still allowed to cry when you've broken a good thing up. When you lose someone important to you, especially when you lose them on purpose, it's usually because you told yourself you didn't care. And when you realize what you've just done, it hits you like a load of bricks. You're losing a good thing. You've lost a security. You've lost a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on. You've lost the knowledge that you're cared about by someone you care about. It's a terrible, deep, inexplicable sense of lost. I know that feeling. You tell yourself it doesn't matter, that it will go away. But it doesn't. It lasts a long time and you can't just wipe away the residue. It sticks. Like duct tape. Or like a parasite you don't want, feeding off of your regret and sadness. You will be plagued with what ifs and you will wonder about couldhavebeens. You will hear a certain song, see a certain place, eat a certain food and suddenly want to cry.

It's a loss that time can only make worse for a while. That feeling. That feeling in your chest, that squeezing. That actually physical pain, and that taste in the back of your throat, that does fade after a time.

I'm sorry that this pain has to be yours to bear. And I'm sorry I can't take the burden from you. I wish I could.

Rock the PowPow

PowPow (n.) - [P'ow-pow] - Name given to massive dumps of snow similar to the one Katy experienced yesterday. Syn. powder.

Four. Feet.

And it snowed another foot while we skied. It was amazing. I was skiing through waist deep powder. It was like floating. Or flying. Or just standing still while things like trees came flying at me.

It was beauty incarnate.

It was four feet of beautifully blessed powdery light snow.

I'm in shock. Stunned at the amazingness. And I tore lots of things. Like muscles. And now I hurt. But I so rocked the powpow.

Captain Jack

Title: Captain Jack Mosaic
Completed: 06-07 School Year
Medium: 500-1000 Magazine cuttings

Artworks

Hey Folks! I'm going to start posting my artworks online here and they'll be up at my new site, searchingformywings.net, soon. Hope you enjoy and comment comment comment!

Title: Christian Bale Portrait
Completed: Dec 2007
Medium: Graphite

Christmas 2007

Hi Everybody!
The Granath Christmas video letter will soon be on YouTube (Which is so BA) and I'll post my Annual Update soon too. This has been an incredible year, but the upcoming year looks to be even more phenomenal. 2008 holds a trip to India, my Senior Summer, college apps, CAMA Camp, Washington D.C., skiing at Heavenly, a Washington state trip, and more in store for me. I hope to see you all soon! By the way, happy birthday to Lacey, Pak and Drew, and Raquel and Steven, my December birthdays. Love you guys.

This is my first artwork ever posted online I think. Peter's Christmas present and my latest work.

Swedish Pancakes

In my family, at Christmas time we have Swedish pancakes. They're similar to the French Crepe, but a thousand times better. We use a secret family recipe to make ours, so I'm afraid I can't tell you or I'd have to kill you. The pancakes are small and round and eggy and taste AMAZING rolled around sausage or doused in lingonberry. They really are incredible. They're special though, and we're only allowed to have them at Christmas time.

My mom is cooking Swedish meatballs right now, which smell so. good. I just want to eat the scent that has permeated the entire house. Those are a secret recipe too, but I can tell you that ground beef and ground pork and bread chunks fry up to taste phenomenal. I can't wait to eat them.

Merry Christmas time to all and to all a good night!

I Don't Understand You Either

I'd just like to say some things.

I am intelligent. I am entitled to the education my test scores say I am. If I want to go to Harvard or Stanford or Yale, I deserve the support of my family. It is my parent's job to say "I love you. I want you to do your best in everything. I want you to be successful and amazing and great and to go as far as you can. I will support you and love you no matter what."

That's what they're supposed to say.

Thanks for the "I hope you marry a rich man because otherwise you'll be very disappointed," mom and dad. Thanks a lot.

I'm so glad to know that you're encouraging and loving and that you want me to do my best and go far and that no matter what, you care. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, ask yourself some questions:

"Do I know my daughter?"

"Why is she saying these things?"

"Is she just being dramatic or does she really feel this way?"

"Should I apologize?"

"How can I get to know my daughter for the first time?"

"What is she thinking?"

"What is she going through?"

"What is high school really like?"

"Is her life really a cake-walk like it seems?"

"Should I try to listen more instead of doing all the talking?"

"Should I try to swallow the anger or pride I feel to admit that maybe she's a little bit right?"


And this time, it's not okay if you don't understand. It's not.

Justified

When the thirteen colonies declared their independence from Great Britain, it was a turning point that would alter the course of human history. The Americans’ unlikely victory over their despotic parent country sparked the French revolution only a few years later, and instigated of the spread of the revolutionary idea of democracy. Never before had the idea of a free people electing its government been voiced. The founding fathers birthed the radical idea that the individual had the right to choose his governor. A popular notion is the impression that the colonists began a war over taxes. The Colonies were not justified in waging war against Great Britain because of taxes However, the colonists were absolutely right to fight for their freedom from the cruel tyranny of Great Britain. Unfair taxation was merely the last straw placed upon the colonies’ breaking back that was the catalyst for revolt.

Thomas Whately, architect of the Stamp Act, may have been correct in saying that Great Britain had the right to tax the American colonies because “We [Great Britain] are not yet recovered from a War undertaken solely for their [the Americans’] protection…they should contribute to the Preservation of the Advantages they have received.” However, the tax was not the problem, it was the fact that the colonies were being taxed without their consent that infuriated them so. The thirteen colonies did not go to war over taxes. This is a misconception. Unjust taxation was certainly added to a long list of wrongs, but it was not the only grounds for war.

The reasons for what became known as the Revolutionary War are defined clearly in a document known as the Declaration of Independence, in which the founding fathers stated exactly their motive for going to war. In the middle of the second paragraph can be found this line, which sums up the Declaration as a whole: “But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.” This radical idea was the basis of the Declaration: that the people themselves had the inherent right to decide whether or not their rulers were satisfactory.

For 150 years the American people had suffered, subjected to the whims of a pampered English king thousands of miles away. Thomas Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and John Dickinson together wrote a “Declaration of the Causes and Necessity of Taking up Arms” in order to explain to the American people why the colonies were going to war. In it, they say of the British government, “What is to defend us against so enormous, so unlimited a power?…We are reduced to the alternative of choosing an unconditional submission to the tyranny of irritated [British officials], or resistance by force. - The latter is our choice.” The signers of the Declaration of Independence believed in the ideas stated therein so passionately, that they were willing to risk open war with the world’s superpower. They were invoking one of their “unalienable rights” stated in their new Declaration: “…whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

During the century-and-a-half of the forming of the colonial thirteen states, the people who lived in the New World removed themselves more and more from Great Britain as Great Britain pushed and shoved the colonies further and further away into the corner, seeing them as nothing more than a money machine. American colonists should have been awarded the rights of British citizens, but were instead subject to conviction without trial, unlawful imprisonment, and other such oppressions. The Declaration cites, “He [King George III] has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.” Because the British government that should have been protecting them had instead turned its back upon the colonists and was the cause of such injuries, the signers of the Declaration of Independence knew that a proclamation of their freedom from Great Britain was their only choice, even if it meant engaging in war.

A large portion of the Declaration of Independence is occupied by the colonists’ complaints against the Crown. These complaints begin with the assertion, “The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these states.” The Declaration goes on to say that, “He [King George III] is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.”

As the Declaration of Independence makes plain, Great Britain did not just tax the American colonists unfairly and without representation, but it committed a multitude of crimes against them. These colonists should have been treated as British citizens, but were instead abused and were treated, in general, appallingly. Because of Great Britain’s long, long history of mistreatment and exploitation of the American colonies, these colonies had every right to declare their independence and throw off their insufferable chains of bondage.

The Hallway

I stand still as people move around me. They come in waves, rushing around me as though I were not even there. Movement. They are in constant motion, like the rough waves of the ocean, surrounding me. Students brush me as they race past, jostling each other, competing for space; they are all attempting to occupy the same narrow hallway at the same time. They readjust backpacks and stop to tie shoes, laughing and joking with one another. The smell of teenagers is unmistakable: sweaty armpits, smelly feet, and too-strong cologne applied far too freely. I overhear small snippets of conversations. Pieced together, they can be quite comical. The football fans discuss the last game in dejected tones as the jocks pretend not to hear, lips tightly pressed together, eyes looking straight ahead. A boy makes his way through the throng toward me, muttering an apology as he bumps past me, keeping his eyes on the tiled floor. His only companion is a heavy backpack he has trouble lifting. Two sisters walk together, talking discreetly, probably about a boy. The sisters notice that I have heard part of their conversation and continue, but even more quietly now. Down the hall someone opens her locker and balloons and confetti spring out of it. A friend shouts happy birthday to her as she blushes and thanks him. A bell rings and instantly the hallway empties of people. I too walk into a doorway, but glance behind again at the hallway, strewn with confetti now and reeking of teenager, before I turn away.

My Fear Feels Like This

It is dark. The rain is coming down hard now. The flickering lights finally succumb to the storm and go out. A stab of lighting. Thunder booms behind me. I have my back to a window; I’m crouched low in corner, searching the darkness, hoping to see through the curtain of blackness before me. A low growl. My heart beats a little faster. I can hear it breathing, heavy, hot. It is close. I stare harder into the void. Another bolt of lighting and I see it. The split-second of light reflects off the beast’s eyes. They are red.

I tell myself to not be afraid. It will smell it on me. It will know. But I can’t help it. My breathing quickens a little. My eyes widen. My heart is pounding. It is a dog-like creature with teeth for ripping and tearing flesh. They are bone-crunching teeth, killing teeth. There is nowhere left for me to go. It has me cornered. At any moment it could attack. The beast’s growl comes again. I picture its black fur, its hackles rising. It is ready for the kill. There is no escape, I am helpless. I give way to the fear clawing at me. I surrender to the madness pressing upon me. I scream. Here it comes.

Don't Shed All of Those Leaves

Like the passing of summer and fall into winter is the passing of childhood into adulthood. When the last shuddering leaves fall, a bare, shivering tree is left behind. What a sorrow to see the barren tree and compare it with its once-upon-a-time splendor. Unknowingly, a child slowly shakes off her beautiful leaves: her imagination and wonder, her ignorance and naïveté, her simple laughter and trust. Like a tree and its leaves, when the winter of adulthood arrives, a child loses many of her most precious attributes.

As all children are, I was born as a beam of stardust into an ever-darkening world. My sole existence was to shine light where none could have been found before. My divine calling was to bring beauty and laughter, a breath of unpolluted air, to the gasping, dying peoples of the land. The happiness of my childhood self was a contagious thing, bringing warmth to the coldest heart, allowing a smile to form on the stoniest of faces.

My fantasies encompassed elves and fairies, talking animals, dragons and magic swords, and other such impossibilities. Daydreams once became reality with such ease. With nothing more than a change of garments, I could become Pocahontas, creeping through the forest silently, talking with the animals, or a princess seeking out her own destiny instead of waiting for Prince Charming. Later, a treasure-seeker setting out upon a quest that would lead me to many an adventure, doubtless involving countless unicorns and tigers, or a swashbuckling pirate sailing the seven seas and fighting off creatures of the deep. The dreams of children are such.

My childhood was spent in such pleasurable activities as snowball fights and sledding and skiing in the winter, and hiking and bicycling and stargazing in the summer. Being home schooled allowed me to experience the world at my own pace. I devoured book after book and soaked up facts and vocabulary and fantastical images, and I grew like a tree planted on the bank of a river. The constant stream of sources that challenged my imagination was the source of many a make-believe magical adventure. How I dreamed and thought and philosophized! I made new discoveries about the world around me everyday.

The molting of childhood is not something that occurs all at once. It is a slow process. So slow you do not realize it has begun, you do not realize that you are being stripped of these gifts of imagination and wonder that had brought you such joy. Slowly, my interest in fantastical things began to fade. I no longer meditated on the language of dragons or the dwellings of Hobbits. I began to be interested in other things, politics, ideas, and my future. Childhood is the contentedness that comes with blissful ignorance. Adulthood is neither a certain age, nor a specific period of time. It is the realization of impossibility.

With impossibility comes the death of countless dreams. The fungus of the world, its darkness, its hate, latches hold of you. It is like a parasite, feeding off your lifeblood until there is nothing left but an empty shell. Fashion, public opinion, politics, society’s approval, all of these hold sway. An angel becomes tainted with the evil of the world. Hate, malicious intent, cruelty, these are not the habits of a child, they are the practice of adults. “Innocence” is a forgotten word.

Adulthood need not be such a time of sorrow and regret. Instead, let us remember our childhood. Let us recall our past naïveté and ask how it can aid us today. We must allow ourselves to remember what is most important: love, selflessness, and joy, in comparison with malice, greed, and absolute disregard for our fellow human beings. After all, seasons change, and winter does not have to last forever.

When I was a child I lived each day, yearning for a tomorrow that never came. When adulthood caught hold of me, I let it carry me without realizing the damage it could cause. What I did not realize was that my childhood was a gift that I had been given, a gift that I should cherish and remember and recall once in a while. A balance has been reached. I hold on to my sense of wonder, my curiosity. Although I can no longer create reality with only my imagination, I channel my creativity into worthy artistic pursuits. I chase liberty and independence, but I remember where I began. I set aside my childish ideas and dreams, but I continue to show a childlike love and acceptance to all who may cross my path. I believe in the goodness of human beings and trust in my fellow man. I continue to reach for my dreams, somewhere in the star-filled heavens where my journey once began.

I Don't Understand You Either

I'd just like to say some things.

I am intelligent. I am entitled to the education my test scores say I am. If I want to go to Harvard or Stanford or Yale, I deserve the support of my family. It is my parent's job to say "I love you. I want you to do your best in everything. I want you to be successful and amazing and great and to go as far as you can. I will support you and love you no matter what."

That's what they're supposed to say.

Thanks for the "I hope you marry a rich man because otherwise you'll be very disappointed," mom and dad. Thanks a lot.

I'm so glad to know that you're encouraging and loving and that you want me to do my best and go far and that no matter what, you care. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, ask yourself some questions:

"Do I know my daughter?"

"Why is she saying these things?"

"Is she just being dramatic or does she really feel this way?"

"Should I apologize?"

"How can I get to know my daughter for the first time?"

"What is she thinking?"

"What is she going through?"

"What is high school really like?"

"Is her life really a cake-walk like it seems?"

"Should I try to listen more instead of doing all the talking?"

"Should I try to swallow the anger or pride I feel to admit that maybe she's a little bit right?"


And this time, it's not okay if you don't understand. It's not.

No Hurry 10/07

I'm not really in a hurry
I'm being judged by a jury
If you want I can wait
It won't ever be too late

You must know how I feel
But this has to be real
I don't want you to fake it
This is your chance, take it

I'm waiting for you to
To say if you do too
You can take your time
You know I'm on your side

It's all up to you
You know I'll stay here
I'm just standing here
I'm beginning to fear

But I will stand firm
I will stand still
You could choose her
I'll be here still

Waiting on Him 10/07

You're drivin' me crazy
Don't know what to do
Won't you please just ask me
Before I turn blue?


I'm holding my breath here
I'm holding on tight
Uncertain, I feel fear
Don't know if I'm right

By now you must know it
how I look at you
How could you not notice
How I just want you?

So please make up your mind
Stand and pick your side
Tonight it's hers or mine
Choose what you know is right

Just Found This Picture

I had no idea this picture even existed, but here it is now. This is me, Mary, and my cousin Raquel in Washington state in August at the Family Reunion.

Banners

I designed these two banners using Adobe Photoshop for my school's website.

Falling For You

V1:
You seemed so perfect then
With the qualities of men
But now you've shown your other side
The side that comes out at night

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew

V2:
There's another girl now
The jealousy I feel now
Don't let that bottle go to waste
Drown your worries take a taste

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew


V3:
If I don't go with you
If you were drunk what would you do?
I want to hold you but would you
Want more from me than I do?

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew

Get Back Up

V1: I don't wanna give up
I wanna go on
Stepping further away
I know it feels wrong
But I'm moving forward
I won't hold on
I'm letting go and
I'm writing this song

Chorus
So let go of me
Let me be where I need to be
Let me see what I need to see
Just let go of me
I want to be who I need to be
I need to run when I fall to my knees
Please let go of me

V2: I will pull away
I'll find my own way
It isn't too late
And it wasn't a waste
You know I can't stay
So don't ask me to wait
Don't ever forget me
Please try to walk straight

Just let go of me
Let me be where I need to be
Let me see what I need to see
Just let go of me
I want to be who I need to be
I need to run when I fall to my knees
Please let go of me

V3: If only I'd said
If only you knew
But I never did
And you have no clue
Even now as I leave you
This still is true
I really loved you
I hope you did too

But let go of me
Let me be where I need to be
Let me see what I need to see
Just let go of me
I want to be who I need to be
I need to run when I fall to my knees
Please let go of me

Standing Still

V1: Why won't you look at me?
Why won't you look into my eyes?
Why can't you let me be?
Why do you make me bleed?

Chorus
And still I surrender
I can't look away
Still I remember
I don't know what to say

V2: Why do you pass me by?
Why do you think that I
Don't care, I tried to try
But you don't know what's right

And still I surrender
I can't look away
Still I remember
I don't know what to say

V3: I want to say this now
It's just I don't know how
I'm standing in a crowd
Underneath a thundercloud.

And still I surrender
I can't look away
Still I remember
I don't know what to say
I don't know what to say

When You Fall [8/07]

Chorus
When you fall I cry, I cry
When you fall I cry, I cry
With open arms I try
You turn your back, I cry.

V1: You're so beautiful, so strong
So arrogant, so wrong
You don't see me through the throng
I've been waiting all along

When you fall I cry, I cry
When you fall I cry, I cry
With open arms I try
You turn your back, I cry.

V2: You stand up straight and tall
Next to you I seem so small
When your sprint becomes a crawl
Will you see me at all?

When you fall I cry, I cry
When you fall I cry, I cry
With open arms I try
You turn your back, I cry.

V3: I'll always be right there
Waiting for you next nightmare
Run to me, I know you're scared
Right here my soul is bared.

Breaking Free

Chorus
I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

V1: No longer in bondage
At last I'm free
Shackled to the ball
That was you and me

I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

V2: Imprisoned by love
Stuck indefinitely
Locked to a broken dream
Till I found the key

I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

V3: Thought I'd never be free
I was frozen in time
I let my heart bleed
Afraid to go on

I thought I was lost
I thought it was over
But I finally broke free
Of your hold over me
I'm breaking free
Of this shadow over me
I don't have to lie down and bleed
Anymore, I'm breaking free

Learn to Let Go

V1: I'll get by without you there
Is the pain too much to bear
You've hurt me this way
More than words will say

CHORUS
You don't even know
Your greatest sin
You have no clue
That I even miss you
First you were there
Then you were gone
Never a kiss
And never a song

V2: I'm outside of time
Watching you fly
You're fine without me
While I can't sleep

You don't even know
Your greatest sin
You have no clue
That I even miss you
First you were there
Then you were gone
Never a kiss
And never a song

V3: Just get out of my head
And stay out of her bed
I'm filled with regret
I've left things undone

You don't even know
Your greatest sin
You have no clue
That I even miss you
First you were there
Then you were gone
Never a kiss
And never a song

V4: The torture I'm put through
Each and every day
You don't understand
The price that I'm payin
For my mistakes

Someday I'll wake up
From this nightmare
And realize I messed up
this whole affair
I'll finally move on
I'll go on with my life
They call me a blonde
I'll stop crying at night.

You didn't know
Your greatest sin
You had no clue
That I ever missed you
Once you were there
Now finally you're gone
We never kissed
Never danced to this song.

Telling the Truth

It's read the latest songs Katy's written time. So here it goes.

Chorus
I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them
And it kills me inside

V1: I'm standing right here
Begging you to see
That I love you
And I wish you'd love me

I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them
And it kills me inside

V2: You thought you were in love
You thought she was faithful
It all fell through
She cheated on you

I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them
And it kills me inside.

V3: Now you're picking up girls
As fast as the pieces
You drink to forget her
You're changing your faces

I want to hold you
I want you to be mine
But instead you choose them

V4: I sit watching you die
She broke your heart
The pain makes you cry
You're dying inside

Ch2: I want to hold you close
Want to dry the tears you cry
But instead you chose them
And it kills you inside.

Forgotten Heroes

I've been sending letters to a soldier in Iraq named David. Every month I send a packet of letters and every few months I send him a box of Rolling Stone Magazine. There's all these soldiers in Iraq, and to us they are faceless. I have no family members or loved ones over there fighting a war. But there are so many people who do. To them, these nameless soldiers are loved ones who are in dangerous situations 24/7. Just because we don't know who our heroes are doesn't mean we can't appreciate them. I can't go through a day without thinking about such trivial things as the guy I like or pair of jeans I want to buy. And I don't think that often of the men and women fighting in Iraq. They go on, unthanked, forgotten, fighting a war for a country that doesn't want them there, and then they come back to poor medical care and political messes.

If you'd like to help our soldiers in Iraq, let me know. Writing letters, saying thanks, and letting those men know they're appreciated can do so much. If you'd like to write a letter to David, please send it to

katyjoy_777@hotmail.com

Our soldiers are thousands of miles away from home, living in extreme conditions, trying to live through the days and nights. They deserve thank yous and support from us, and more. Help let a soldier know we support them and are praying for them.

The Dust Storm

Winds are still blowing at high speeds, and fires are still burning to the east and west of us. The wind picked up the loose dust and ash from the ground and swept it into town. If anyone saw the movie Hidalgo, you might remember the scene in which the cowboy runs away from a sand storm. Today's dust storm looked like that. Driving to drive through it was impossible, I couldn't even see the road, let alone other cars.
















The storm blows into town





















Ash, dust and dirt make a nasty combination
















Right before the storm actually hit.
















This was when the dust wasn't so thick. Everything but the taillights was pretty much invisible.

The Damage

This is a street near where I live. My house is behind that tree.














This is the sagebrush on the right side of the road.















This is the left side of the road.































The fire jumped street several times. We were unimaginably lucky that it didn't jump our street. If it had jumped from the left to the right side of the street (an ember blown by the high winds was all that it would have taken) our house would have gone up in flames.

Wildfires

I live in a high desert environment in northern Nevada. This means that sagebrush and other scrub bushes blanket the land for hundreds of miles in every direction. In the hot, dry summers, this brush turns to tinder, eager to be lit by the smallest ember. Our tiny town was the definition of a fire hazard. On Friday, a high wind began to blow, accompanying the thunderstorm that would begin the siege on Winnemucca.

Winnemucca lies between to parallel rows of mountains. The town has spread out; housing developments now dot the mountainsides. Thunderstorms bring lightning, and when lightning strikes the fire-hungry ground, blazes spring up. Friday evening, the mountains were dotted with fires, that were soon under control. Saturday morning dawned, bringing with it fresh winds, awakening the smoldering embers.

By Saturday afternoon, the devouring blazes were too large for Winnemucca's small fire-fighting force to control. A 12,000 acre fire was only two percent contained, and the blazes would soon begin to threaten houses. The call went out for backup from the surrounding areas. Being a resident of one of the many housing developments on the mountainsides, I was worried about the vast feast of sagebrush that was my backyard.

As the fires moved closer, evacuation procedures began. The drone of planes flying overhead could be heard, and the glow of fires was barely discernible through the thick, choking smoke that enveloped the town, blotting out the sun. Volunteers in pickup trucks and on foot told us to get out and get out fast. In order to save all of our cars, our family all drove separate cars. I took Mary with me and we headed for a friend's house, far away from danger. I sped away from the house and the fire, down the hill, smoke obscuring my vision, as my sister sobbed in fear of the flames closing in on us. I attempted to stay calm in order to drive straight, but I had to grip the steering wheel to stop my hands from shaking.

We watched our hill from afar for three hours as the cloud of smoke continued to thicken. The unbroken sirens were a constant reminder of the danger close at hand. As the time crawled by, I couldn't help remembering the things I'd left behind. My art, boxes of photos, letters, and other sentimental valuables that were irreplaceable. Rumors trickled down to us through a grapevine of sources until we were informed that we were allowed to return to our street. We drove cautiously back, prepared for the worst. It was nine-thirty at night, but the stars were veiled from sight by impenetrable clouds. Our house was all in one piece, although it was filled with noxious smoke. We aired out the house and lit scented candles to cover the pungent odor. From my front door I could still see huge tracts of land being consumed by flames, not too far from my house.

Sunday morning, the fire moved on to the east and west of us. Smoke can still be seen rising to meet its turbid brothers. So far the fire has burned around 250,000 acres. It is the middle of July in sunny Nevada, but clouds cover the sky. The scars of the blazes can be seen. While one side of the road is filled with sagebrush, the other looks like the surface of the moon. Charred telephone poles and the blackened remains of a shed are reminders of the destructive force of a fire.

I will never forget the fear I felt the night of July 7th, 2007. I will never forget the love of friends and family, who gathered with us and called us and prayed with us. I will never forget how it felt to not know if I would have a home in a few hours or not. If you prayed for me, or supported me during that time of fear, thank you so much.

Much love,

Katy



PS: Pictures will be coming soon.

Dear People of the World:

At this very moment, I am being asked to evacuate from my home. The fires aren't too close, but they are close enough that the neighborhood is shrouded in fog. Some people are leaving right away, others are staying around long enough to turn on their sprinklers on and wet down their timber-dry land. We have about half and acre of land behind our house that is pure tinder, just waiting for a spark. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared, a little freaked. But my adrenaline is going crazy. One of our neighbors, Tom, is staying behind. Apparently, he used to be a fire fighter and he has a fire hose in his garage. He plans to defend his block from any fires. He's pretty BA. I don't know how much land is on fire, but I know it's more than 10,000 acres. The planes are going by overhead. The police have set up a roadblock on our street. There are rumors of fires everywhere. The wind is blowing and who knows what might happen. Pray for me, for my friends, many of whom have already evacuated, and for my house. I love you guys.

Washington

Hi people! I'm actually writing this from the Arlington library in Washington State! I'm visiting Washington until next Tuesday and then I'll be heading back home. But Mary and I will be bringing my friend Lacey back with us to visit Nevada.

Early Sunday morning around 5 or 6, Peter, Mary, and I headed off on a 12-hour adventure driving up to the state of Washington. We stopped twice and- yes, I said TWICE in TWELVE flipping hourse- then we finally arrived in our onld neighborhood in Lake Stevens. Peter met up with Sam, Ty, and Theron and they hung out. Mary and I saw Amy again and that was cool.

Then we met up with my aunt who lives only a few blocks away from our old house. We hung out with Laurie, Greg, and my cousin, John, and spent the night at their house. Monday morning, John, Mary, and I said hello to all of our old friends from Lake Stevens. (Hello to Andrew, Adam, Aaron, and Kaylee!) We walked around Lake Stevens and visited our old haunts, HomeLink, the Library, the Lake, and the little coffee shop. (Which I highly recommend by the way. Get a triple chocolate chip mocha blended coffee. They're excellent.) Also, I checked out my old house and noticed that our old treehouse in the back has been completely demolished along with our porch. But they built a new one. And the apple tree, which was planted for my grandpa, is getting really big! I'm expecting to be able to climb it in a couple more years.

Monday night we all attended the HomeLink graduation at the LSHS. It was awesome. We saw old friends and old teachers, and met a lot of new people too. Peter and Sam were reunited and played onstage as music. It was pretty much AMAZING. I cried when Sam graduated, actually his graduation slideshow had pictures of my brothers and the boys back together and I was sad. But anyway. Afterward, I went up to Sam and I said, "Sam, congratulations! I'm so proud of you!" and to my surprise, he responded, "Don't say that, don't say you're proud of me." Taken aback, I asked why not. He promptly told me that he doesn't consider graduating from High School to be that big of an accomplishment. It sort of hit me then that he was right. We make such a big deal out of making it through high school and "overcoming all the obstacles", but really it's not all that difficult to read a few books and take a few tests.

The real challenge is yet to come. We're young and we have so much ahead of us, you guys. We have college, relationships, break-ups, marriages, and so much more that's so much more important than those four years of high school that will be left far behind us. High School doesn't make us who we are. We do that.

Remember that, guys. I'll see you in a few weeks, Winnemuccites.

It Doesn't Need Much Explaining

The New School Prayer

Author Unknown

Now I sit me down in school
where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
finds mention of Him very odd.

If scripture now the class recites
it violates the Bill of Rights.
And any time my head I bow
becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange, or green,
that's no offense, it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks
And pierce our noses, tongues, and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns but first the Bible
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We'll elect a pregnant Senior Queen
and the unwed daddy our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong
We're taught that such "judgments" don't belong.

We can get our condoms and birth control,
study witchcraft, vampires, and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed
no word of God may reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess.
When chaos rules the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot, my soul please take.

Amen.

Thank You

It is certainly strange to see how far I've come this past year. I've grown so much as a person, as a student, and as a friend and confidant. Last year I was a frightened freshmen, entering high school, entering the public school system, for the first time. I didn't know the routine, the students, the campus, or the teachers. I was scared, timid, and shy. Now, I would be virtually unrecognizable to some who once knew me. I have become bold in speaking what I think. I don't hesitate before making the right decision. My self-esteem is high to the point of vanity and egotism. And I am confident. Confident to speak in front of large groups of people. Confident enough to be able to laugh at myself along with everyone else instead of standing in embarrassed silence. Confident enough to live life and not let it pass me by. Confident enough to take opportunities that I would have been too afraid of last year.

I've learned important lessons about procrastination, hard work, and all-nighters. I can survive a full day of high school and enjoy it. I'm able to juggle school activities, church activities, and my homework. I've learned a lot in all of my classes this year, and I've had some of the best teachers to learn from. I've been challenged, stretched, and pushed to my limits and beyond, causing me to step up to the plate. I can be a leader and make my voice heard. Throughout a year of impossible homework loads, crazy schedules, and drama in and out of school, I've been able to maintain a 4.0 GPA.

Even more important than school, I've come to know so many people so much better. I'm learning that sometimes it's better to listen than to speak. And when to keep my mouth shut when I really want to scream. How to deal with rumors and haters, what to do in difficult situations, and that making the right decision and be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do. I've learned that grudges never helped anybody, they only hurt. I know that a smile is the best way to tell people you're there for them. I've learned how far a hug can go. I understand that being a friend is the greatest joy and sometimes the greatest tragedy. I know how important it is to keep a secret; what a privilege it is to be trusted and what betrayal can do to a relationship. I've seen break ups, get-back-togethers, fist fights, broken hearts, broken homes, hurt feelings, and rocky friendships, and I've been there when people need me.

I never could be the person I am today without the help of my friends. I would never be so bold, so confident, or so strong for my friends without my friends. You guys have been there for me. You taught me lessons and let me be a part of your lives. And that's my privilege. Thanks for allthe great times, guys. Thanks for all the laughter, the smiles, the looks, the fun. Thanks for the tears; thanks for the lessons, and thanks for your shoulders, your helping hands. Thanks for being the journal I pour my life story into. Thanks for listening, for caring, for the hugs and the encouragement. Know that I love all of you. You know who you are. Know that you can say anything to me and I'll understand. I would never have made it to this place without you. So once again...

Thanks.


Lacey Mary Brett Jayme Keshia Austin Katie Zach Brad Pete Chase Su Kirstie Tay Daniel Brad Kristen Teasha Kristen Shayla Lindsey Tim Hayley Sophie Kole Lindsay Michael Karl Eren Courtney Cassaundra Joey Freddy Dawson Anderson Beck Doyle Connor Grady Christy Sarah EC Kendra Ashley Angela Marcus Shane Early Kaitlin Vance Stephan Chris David

One of Those Inspiration Things...

Wrath

I was outside the marketplace when I felt the first tremor. Everyone around me froze, but at the next tremor, which rocked the merchant's stalls, the square erupted into chaos. Women screamed, children wailed, men ran, fleeing for their lives as the buildings around them began to topple to the ground. As we were inside the city, at the very heart of it, there wasn't any place to go that wasn't filled with tall, stone structures. The very places we had called our homes, our refuges, had been transformed into our deadliest enemies. With each new rumble from deep withing the earth's belly, cracks shot up buildings and, groaning and complaining, the stones would collapse, crushing those unfortunates taking refuge in its doorway.

I let the crowd sweep me down the street, through the gates, and out of the city. I kept my head though as men, women, and children on either side of me slowed or faltered and were sucked under the crowd and crushed by the merciless feet of those who fled the horrors behind. I, and perhaps fifteen others, quickly jumped down into the would-be cellar of a house yet to be built. The earth beneath our feet shuddered and raged angrily. The shrieks of those on whom the crumbling towers fell were terrible. But even more so were the piteous moans and cries of those who were in so much agony, but still alive. We, in our fortress of dirt, sat huddled with our heads upon our knees, sometimes thrusting our heads over the top of the cellar to call to someone sprinting away, calling them to safety. Terrified, some could do nothing but babble nonsense to their gods. Other crushed their knees to their bosoms, tears falling from tightly shut eyes, frozen with fear.

It was really only a few minutes later that the ground finally stopped shifting about. It felt strange. That is the only way to describe it. Imagine you are bobbing in a boat in the middle of the sea, when suddenly the sea stops its motion. To have the ground no longer move, the momentary silence; the absence of the screams of those trapped underneath beams or blocks; that relief was strange and welcome. We, the group of people crouched in the open cellar, whose number had grown to twenty or so, began to stand up and several even smiled.

As soon as we began lifting each other out of the hole, the smiles vanished, replaced with shock and horror. Mothers pressed their children's faces to their shoulders to hide from the the horrific sight that met our eyes. The city was gone, leveled. All that remained was a section of the east outer wall. All else was merely rubble. The destruction, the desolation; it was just so great, so widespread. It took your breath away to see it. As we began the search for survivors, it became apparent that it was only our group and a few other clusters of people who remained relatively uninjured. The silence had long ago again been filled with the groans of the dying, the yells of those crying for rescue, the wailing of the women who had discovered their husbands' bodies. What was this wrath so terrible, so divine that the earth itself quaked in fear?

Based on the Battle of Bear Paw

Yesterday on October 5, 1877, at 2 pm, the Nimiipu chief, Joseph, surrendered to General Nelson A. Miles. Ordered to remove themselves from American lands onto a reservation, Chief Joseph greed, and while en route to gather up their stock, they were attacked and forced to flee. Chief Joseph then strove to lead 800 of his Nimiipu people across the border from Oregon into Canada. Thinking they were safe, though only for a short while, the Nimiipu people stopped to regroup before making the final trek into Canada. As they bathed their bloodied feet in melted snow, they quickly erected several temporary shelters for the women and children. The rags they wore could hardly be called clothes. The babies cried for food, but there was none to give them. Children huddled together, shivering in the bitter wind. Sentries stood guard over the camp.

Unfortunately, however, unbeknownst to the Nimiipu, General Miles had been dispatched to intercept them. I had been following the Nimiipu for several days, hoping to talk with Chief Joseph. From where I was hiding on the hill, I could see the entire camp. Suddenly, three natives on horseback burst over the crest of the hill, screaming warnings to the others. Apparently deciding General Miles was too close to try to run, they quickly went about digging shallow trenches. Then, without warning, General Miles attacked.

I was horrified to see the gleeful ferocity with which the soldiers hacked down the Nimiipu. I watched, over five grisly days, as small bands of Nimiipu broke cover and ran for the foothills of the Bear Paw Mountains. Yells and screams of agony from the battlefield carried over to my hiding spot, and sleep proved impossible as both sides vied for the upper hand through the night. I saw a toddler, no more than twwo, hewn and trampled as the soldiers advanced on the natives' camp. On the third day, a frigid north wind moved in and the snow began to come down in earnest, rendering both the Nimiipu and the General's men totally incapacitated.

At last, on the fifth day, General Miles petitioned Chieg Joseph to lay down his arms, and in return the Nimiipu would be allowed to return to their ancestral home. Exhausted and disheartened, and knowing that the annihilation of his people would be upon his head, Chief Joseph finally surrendered and the fighting ceased. Despite many escaping, only about half of the original Nimiipu survived the battle, not to mention the extreme cold. I could hear women howling and shrieking their anguish into the frost air, grieving for their dead husbands and sons. It was then, standing in the red snow that Chief Joseph gave and eloquent, heartbreaking speech to his people.

"I am tired of fighting. Our chiefs are killed. Looking Glass is dead. The old men are all dead. It is the young men who say no and yes. He Who Led the Men is dead. It is cold and we have no blankets. The little children are freezing to death. My people, some of them have run away to the hills and have no blankets- no food. No one knows where they are- perhaps they are freezing to death. I want to have time to look for my children and see how many of them I can find. Maye I shall find them among the dead. Hear me, my chiefs. I am tired, my heart is sad and sick. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever."

General Miles led the Nimiipu people away. The last I saw of them, they were stumbling through the snow, back the way they had come, their flight to freedom brutally cut short. As they dragged their bloody feet through the snow, they left a trail of crimson behind, staining the pure snow. I fear their ordeal is far from over, and I wonder what will become of the Nimiipu; and how many will die of broken hearts.



The Battle of Bear Paw is a true, historical event. That took place in 1877. Chief Joseph and the Nimiipu were not given their ancestral homes back. Instead they were kept on increasingly smaller reservations like animals. Although Chief Joseph continued to petition the U.S. government for his people, he was ignored.

Some say history is doomed to repeat itself. Sadly, America seems doomed to repeat its past mistakes. During World War II, all Asians, no matter their nationality were sent to prison camps because we were paranoid about the Japanese sabotaging our factories. American Communists have been hunted down and tried in a manner like that of the Salem Witch Trials. Can we be sure that nothing like these atrocities is ever committed again? No, of course not. America is not the world police. But can we do our best to try to keep such paranoia out of the U.S.? Yes. Through education and by fighting against ignorance, absolutely. And by speaking out for those who do not have a voice, we may stop such things as the genocide in Darfur from continuing or from happening at all.

But it is up to us, the generation of today, of Now. This is our time. Our time to speak up for what's right and to bring to light what is wrong. It's up to us to solve the problems of the world. Because we ARE the world. And they're our problems.

Les Miserables

Preface

"So long as there shall exist, by reason of law and custom, a social condemnation, which, in the face of civilization, artificially creates hells on earth, and complicates a destiny that is divine, with human fatality; so long as the three problems of the age- the degradation of man by poverty, the ruin of woman by starvation, and the dwarfing of childhood by physical and spiritual night- are not solved; so long as, in certain regions, social asphyxia shall be possible; in other words, and from a yet more extended point of view, so long as ignorance and misery remain on earth, books like this cannot be useless."

-Victor Hugo, 1862

Read this preface again and again. Try to understand the message it conveys. Our society has a problem. We are creating Miserables. What can we do to amend our wrongs and provide restitution? Read Les Miserables for yourself to find out what "The Miserables" of our world go through everyday. The abridged version may be better for most readers. At 520 pages, it has cut the full version in half.

A Prayer we Need to Hear

Although sometimes we don't want to admit that America can do wrong, it's important we look at our country's flaws in order to amend them. Some of the things that seem good and healthy for America are really hurting our country.

"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery.
We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare.
We have killed our unborn and called it choice.
We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable.
We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self esteem.
We have abused power and called it politics.
We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition.
We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression
We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.

Amen."

-Bob Russell


Sometimes things can really get twisted and distorted from their original purpose. Free choice doesn't justify murder. But murder doesn't justify murder either. Self-esteem is important, but so is discipline. Politics was once a way to change the world by using your power for good. Nowadays it is often simply a way to exploit. Ambition, freedom of expression, "enlightenment", how far can we take these things before they turn into something else entirely?




Learn the full story behind this prayer at http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/k/kansasprayer.htm

I Was Inspired

This is a song I wrote last week. Tell me what you think...

You'll Never Know

V1: I never thought you'd really leave
You've no idea how much you've meant to me
As you go out that door let me just say
That I love you and I hope you see that one day

CHORUS
I love you, I miss you already
I love you, I miss you
You're leaving and I'm crying
but you won't ever know

V2: You're going to be gone soon, never to return
It hurts right now but soon it's my turn
Embrace your future, love your life
Don't give up you'll get through this time

CHORUS

V3: I'm crying for you, crying for me
I wish we'd had more time I wish I could've see
What was coming and how it would end
As you're leaving, know I'll always be your friend.

CHORUS

You'll never know
how much I cared
or how I'd wish I'd dared
to kiss you

You'll never know
how much I miss you
How much I wish you
were here

You'll never know

You'll never know



You'll never know.

Great America Concerts

I forgot to tell you guys about the amazing concerts I got to see at Great America. Around three we got in line to enter into the Redwood Amphitheater, which is pretty cool. There were tons of booths selling t-shirts and band paraphernalia. But the concerts were awesome. If you think Christians can't rock out, you are so wrong. Six bands, The Send, Run Kid Run, Falling Up, Hawk Nelson, David Crowder, and Jeremy Camp. Yes THE Hawk Nelson. And THE David Crowder. and THE Jeremy Camp. It was incredible.

The Send
The Send were pretty good, just out of the garage, no cd or anything. Not bad for a band that's opening for Jeremy Camp.

Run Kid Run
These people were pretty much amazing. Their lead singer interacted with the audience and they got a pretty good response.


Falling Up
Falling Up was very cool. Good performance and good songs. Two words: Synchronized. Headbanging.



Hawk Nelson
Wow. These dudes were awesome. Just incredible. Amazing songs, I loved the performance, and plus they had a huge following, which means audience participation. Imagine Green Day singing about God and you might have a tiny idea of what Hawk Nelson is like.



David Crowder
The David Crowder band was even more awesome than Hawk Nelson. They were amazing. David Crowder is the dude who wrote Undignified, I Will Not be Silent, O Praise Him, and a ton of other praise songs.



Jeremy Camp
The best show of the night, Jeremy Camp lit up the night with his phenomenal guitariness and singing. I really liked his songs, and he put on a great show plus told some funny stories.