She's Something of a Legend...

Dear Mom,

I just thought I'd write to you and tell you what your influence has meant to me over the twenty years I've been alive. We could start with the fact that you decided to homeschool me (and the rest of your kids), which has been a source of my passion for learning, my academic achievements, and my desire to succeed in high school and now college. Or we could begin with your commitment to supporting me in all my endeavors; from coming to my softball games, to seeing my art shows, to flying to Washington with me as I competed for a scholarship, you've always been right there, encouraging me. I could talk about your teaching me practical skills like baking and sewing that I'm constantly using these days to patch my jeans, repair my sheets, and make my own dinners. Or I could mention that you encouraged me to follow a healthy lifestyle by holding me to higher standards, and teaching me to enjoy the outdoors. Perhaps I should start with your fantastic teaching abilities and patience, or maybe I'd better begin with your smile and how I love to hear you tell stories of when you were young. Oh! Maybe I could start with you reading Anne of Green Gables to Mary and I, and how I still love to hear you read. There are so many starting points, so many amazing things you've done for me. But I think I should start on a Sunday when I was six or seven.

I don't remember a whole lot about this particular Sunday. I'm only thinking it was a Sunday because I was in Sunday school. I remember you were teaching my Sunday school class and you gave some kind of invitation. I think I raised my hand and said I wanted to do that. You told me we should talk later, and we did. We were having some kind of family dinner that night with our relatives, but you and I sat in the car before going in and you talked with me about this important decision I wanted to make. Eventually you and I prayed together and I had the most inexpressible feeling of joy, because I'd just prayed for Jesus to be a part of my life.

The joy that I felt in that moment  is something I search for every day. It's something I strive for. Even though my faith has been put through quite a battle, that joy is something I still cling to.

Mom, you brought me to that realization that I needed Jesus, and always, always you've spoken Truth into my life (even when I didn't want to hear it). You are the kind of mom I can boast about. You taught me how to bake cookies, pies, and how to make fudge. You showed me our secret recipes for Swedish meatballs. You make me guidebooks if I'm taking a roadtrip. You send me home with molasses cookies and fudge to share with my friends at college; you send me care packages. You have the most amazing hospitality and skill as a hostess, that I hope to aspire to. You've always welcomed my friends into your home, fed them, given them a place to spend the night. Just the other day you made homemade tomato soup just because Kole and Chase were coming over. You throw a great party, and make sure everyone has a good time.

I hope you know you're something of a legend. Your homeschooling, your cooking, your dedication, your humor, your love. You're a mom to everyone, but I'm lucky enough to be able to say you're my mom. It's something I truly appreciate every day.

I love you, Mom.


-Katy

"If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed." -C.S. Lewis

I was reading C.S. Lewis' Mere Christianity this morning, which by the way is a masterpiece. I highly recommend it. But don't read it if you can't take an honest look at yourself. Today I was reading the few pages on pride, and what do you know, Lewis has some challenging things to say about it.

According to Lewis, Pride "is the complete anti-God state of mind."

Wow, that seems pretty strong right? Yeah, that's what I thought too, but he makes a strong case. Lewis lays out that Pride is essentially competition. Pride isn't about having the best car, it's about having a better car than the other guys out there. Pride isn't about getting good grades, it's about having better grades than other students. Pride isn't about feeling good about a job well done, Pride is actually putting yourself above everyone else and thinking that's natural and you're better than other people. Lewis argues that it is Pride, more than any other vice, that causes trouble in this world of ours. "Greed may drive men into competition if there is not enough to go round; but the proud man, even when he has got more than he can possibly want, will try to get still more just to assert his power."

Not only does Pride exacerbate other vices we have, but this competitiveness is the most awful thing. "Other vices may sometimes bring people together: you may find good fellowship and jokes and friendliness among drunken people or unchaste people. But Pride always means enmity- it is enmity." Lewis is saying that Pride is essentially making yourself an enemy to your fellow man, and it even makes you an enemy to God. "As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: an of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something above you."

So here is where it starts to get interesting. You can hear all of this stuff and go, "Ugh, jeez all these proud people are ruining the world!" Wait for it...wait for it... it's you.  You're the proud person. And in Lewis' view, the people who are so proud they can't see anything but themselves, let alone God, even though they claim Christianity, these people are "worshiping an imaginary God." These people say they love God, but really all they care about is the approval they think they're getting for being not such a great Christian, but being a better Christian than someone else.

When we think so much of ourselves, especially as Christians, it influences every area of our lives. Soon we're  becoming "better" people in all kinds of virtues. We're more kind, more self-controlled, more generous, just because it makes us better than others, not because we really care. It infects everything. "Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense."

So, from what I can tell right now, we're all pretty much doomed. This Pride issue seems to run deep, and already I can see these qualities in myself if I'm honest. I mean, I take pride in my academic achievements, and give no credit where it's truly due- to God. This Pride that we have doesn't even hide itself away because our culture tells us we should be proud of ourselves, and think much of ourselves. As Lewis puts it, we tell ourselves that "All I have done has been done to satisfy my own ideals-or my artistic conscience- or the traditions of my family- or, in a word, because I'm That Kind of Chap."

Now it's clear. How often do you think of yourself as That Kind of Chap? I'll admit I do. I'm a much better person than that Hitler guy, and that dude over there doesn't do community service like I do. We think of ourselves in comparison to others, and we need to realize this type of comparison is unhealthy, and makes all of humankind our enemies to be competed with, and Pride turns God into this pat-on-the-back machine that's really there to congratulate us. It makes everything about us.  So we're doomed, right?

Well maybe there's hope. "To love and admire anything outside yourself is to take one step away from utter spiritual ruin," Lewis says. God wants to know us, and our constant looking down is keeping us from looking up towards God. We need to realize that God is bigger, greater, perfecter, than us, and we'll never compare. We can't compete with that. Humility isn't about being poor or sad about yourself. Humility is about putting other people first. It means taking your eyes off yourself for two seconds and taking an interest in someone else. Lewis points out these people are easy to recognize because they're interested in what you have to say. "If you do dislike [a humble man] it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily."

I don't know about you, but all this pride stuff really made me recognize in myself a lot of what Lewis was talking about. It's time we put others first, and not because we want to put others first better than anyone else. It's because God loves us all. He really doesn't love you more than He loves me, and He doesn't love me more than He loves anyone else. We should stop pretending He does.