Jan 07-Jan 08

Hey everyone, here goes this year’s summation…

At the end of last school year I saw both Lowry and HomeLink graduations and both were great. This summer was extraordinarily busy. In June I took a 12-hour road trip with Peter and up to Washington with only two stops (a new record!). He played with a band at the HomeLink graduation and then embarked on a longer road trip with his friends. Mary and I stayed behind, visited relatives and friends and got to visit my old church, Smokey Point Community Church, as well.

I also spent about a week in Newport Beach, California in July, reuniting with old friends and long lost relatives and of course catching a few waves. It was really awesome and I had a great time hanging out with Kurt and John, my cousins. We saw dolphins and nearly got attacked by a shark. Well, actually the shark more got attacked by the lifeguard. Anyway.

Then Mary, my mom, and I took our own road trip up the west coast through San Francisco, California. We toured the Jelly Belly factory (which was interesting, considering my distaste for jelly beans) and the San Francisco Sour Dough Bread factory. We stayed in some quaint hotels, one with a unique jungle theme(!), sampled some crazy cuisine, and then made it up to Washington. Brad met us there and he, Mary, and I were counselors at CAMA Camp for one life-changing, kick-butt week. It was incredible, even with a little drama, a little spiritual warfare, and some vomit thrown in. CAMA Camp is always my refresher before heading back to Winnemucca for school, which starts in August in Nevada.

But we do get out earlier in the year.

School has been good this year. Oh, and ridiculously INSANE. I have a full schedule of seven classes, math, science, English, US history the usual, and I’m taking Spanish, which is great. I really do enjoy the language and I enjoy learning it. Umm I’m taking a web design class and I have the most amazing website now (searchingformywings.net), and an art class. This is my third year of art and it just keeps getting better. I really cannot believe how far I’ve come from three years ago! Art is definitely my favorite class. We’ve done some really, really cool projects this year, including a portrait in acrylics (see it here), that turned out amazing.

This year it’s just testing testing testing! I took the PSAT and the Nevada Reading Proficiency Test in October. I’ll be taking several SATs this year along with the AP exams for English Composition and US History. I’m in the middle of finals week here too, so that’s…fun. The second week after we got back from break is finals week? Who thought that one up, I don’t know.

I’ve been involved in tons of activities in school like National Honor Society, and I was appointed president of the Art Club (which I really did not expect). We’re planning a bunch of big things projects this year, murals and workshops, and art nights and fieldtrips. I’m really excited for our upcoming events.

I've been working for my dad at his office once or twice a week to save money and am enjoying the income. His practice continues to grow and he performed over 140 deliveries in 2007, including 8 Christmas week. My mom is his office manager now and she really likes her job.

My brothers are at The University of Nevada in Las Vegas Film School and they're doing pretty well. They're both working really hard, holding down jobs while trying to keep their grades up as well. But still, both of them agree that college is the best time of their lives and they really love it. Peter's made some amazing new friends, and Brad's learned some more really cool stuff, and I'm excited for them both. We'll see what the future holds for them.

Mary is beginning softball season, keeping up with her impressive class load, and also juggling her leadership activities and Sophomore Class President. She loves taking French and she tried ceramics this year, which has become somewhat of a love/hate relationship. Mary's looking forward to a trip to Paris sometime somehow in her future.

2008 promises to be full of more adventures and more traveling! I’m heading to Washington, D.C. this April for the Congressional Youth Leaders Conference, which I’m especially looking forward to. A big group of us will get to hear from amazing speakers and see the sights and do model congress/model presidential cabinet stuff. I’m hoping it’ll be a great experience. Of course I’m coming back to Washington for CAMA Camp 2008, and hopefully more graduations, but we’ll see. I’m planning on rockin the powder up at Lake Tahoe this ski season. I already got a small taste – it dumped 4-5 feet on us a couple weeks ago, so I’m hoping for more of that!

Our church was planning to send us and a team to India for a missions trip this March, but it looks like we’re going to have to postpone it or cancel it altogether. The church we were to dedicate and work at and some of its members were attacked by Hindu radicals and we do not even know if the church still is still standing. Please pray for the Church in India, there were many churches burned across the state of Orissa in India and 10 Christians were killed. God is good though, and I know that He can bring something good from all this hate and violence.

Hope to see all of you this year, but if I don’t, you know I love you. Merry Christmas, Happy 2008, and Valentine’s and St. Patrick’s and Easter, and any other holidays I’m missing! I love you all and I’m sending you hugs! Here's to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. Here's to never regretting, only learning. Here's to new friends and old friends, lost friends and friends regained. Here's to living life and living passionately, loving wholeheartedly and loving unrestrainedly, speaking honestly and truthfully; to seeing with vision, to looking toward the future, and to another chance to live, love and laugh.

Katy

"Do die is nothing, it is frightful not to live." -From Victor Hugo's Les Miserables

Screaming Doesn't Really Impress Me

Look. There's a time to be a child and enjoy your innocence and naivete whilst you still can, but now it's time to grow up. Grown-ups, when they have a problem don't scream at people. Because that would be immature. And adults, are mature. Babies are not. Babies complain and cry and don't like to get their diapers changed, but someone has to do it. I'm the one changing diapers here, not you. I'm responsible for your safety and for feeding you and for driving you to school on time. I'm sorry if my after school habits inconvenience you. You're just going to have to get over it and have a moment or two of adultness and try to be patient for fifteen or twenty minutes. Make the best of waiting for me to finish my business and try to become accustomed with the idea of "compromising". Adults do that too.

The Drinking Game

Here, in the town where I live, underage drinking isn't some illegal dangerous party thing that kids do to piss off their parents, it's a way of life. I mean, everyone does it. Kids' parents make them alcoholic drinks, get drunk around them, say "Don't do this", and then don't even keep an eye on them. Kids drink because everyone does it, why not them? They drink partly to fit in, but mostly just because it's what you do here. Once you get into high school, it's just what you do. It's not "bad", you won't get caught or be arrested for it because no one cares. It's just the way life is here.

I don't condone it, and I certainly don't participate in it, I'm just trying to understand why my friends get plastered and don't even care.

Love May Hurt, but Losing is Worse

When you lose something that you've convinced yourself is unimportant, it's hard. When you lose someone you didn't know you cared about so much, it's excruciating. You're still allowed to cry when you've broken a good thing up. When you lose someone important to you, especially when you lose them on purpose, it's usually because you told yourself you didn't care. And when you realize what you've just done, it hits you like a load of bricks. You're losing a good thing. You've lost a security. You've lost a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on. You've lost the knowledge that you're cared about by someone you care about. It's a terrible, deep, inexplicable sense of lost. I know that feeling. You tell yourself it doesn't matter, that it will go away. But it doesn't. It lasts a long time and you can't just wipe away the residue. It sticks. Like duct tape. Or like a parasite you don't want, feeding off of your regret and sadness. You will be plagued with what ifs and you will wonder about couldhavebeens. You will hear a certain song, see a certain place, eat a certain food and suddenly want to cry.

It's a loss that time can only make worse for a while. That feeling. That feeling in your chest, that squeezing. That actually physical pain, and that taste in the back of your throat, that does fade after a time.

I'm sorry that this pain has to be yours to bear. And I'm sorry I can't take the burden from you. I wish I could.

Rock the PowPow

PowPow (n.) - [P'ow-pow] - Name given to massive dumps of snow similar to the one Katy experienced yesterday. Syn. powder.

Four. Feet.

And it snowed another foot while we skied. It was amazing. I was skiing through waist deep powder. It was like floating. Or flying. Or just standing still while things like trees came flying at me.

It was beauty incarnate.

It was four feet of beautifully blessed powdery light snow.

I'm in shock. Stunned at the amazingness. And I tore lots of things. Like muscles. And now I hurt. But I so rocked the powpow.

Captain Jack

Title: Captain Jack Mosaic
Completed: 06-07 School Year
Medium: 500-1000 Magazine cuttings

Artworks

Hey Folks! I'm going to start posting my artworks online here and they'll be up at my new site, searchingformywings.net, soon. Hope you enjoy and comment comment comment!

Title: Christian Bale Portrait
Completed: Dec 2007
Medium: Graphite

Christmas 2007

Hi Everybody!
The Granath Christmas video letter will soon be on YouTube (Which is so BA) and I'll post my Annual Update soon too. This has been an incredible year, but the upcoming year looks to be even more phenomenal. 2008 holds a trip to India, my Senior Summer, college apps, CAMA Camp, Washington D.C., skiing at Heavenly, a Washington state trip, and more in store for me. I hope to see you all soon! By the way, happy birthday to Lacey, Pak and Drew, and Raquel and Steven, my December birthdays. Love you guys.

This is my first artwork ever posted online I think. Peter's Christmas present and my latest work.

Swedish Pancakes

In my family, at Christmas time we have Swedish pancakes. They're similar to the French Crepe, but a thousand times better. We use a secret family recipe to make ours, so I'm afraid I can't tell you or I'd have to kill you. The pancakes are small and round and eggy and taste AMAZING rolled around sausage or doused in lingonberry. They really are incredible. They're special though, and we're only allowed to have them at Christmas time.

My mom is cooking Swedish meatballs right now, which smell so. good. I just want to eat the scent that has permeated the entire house. Those are a secret recipe too, but I can tell you that ground beef and ground pork and bread chunks fry up to taste phenomenal. I can't wait to eat them.

Merry Christmas time to all and to all a good night!

I Don't Understand You Either

I'd just like to say some things.

I am intelligent. I am entitled to the education my test scores say I am. If I want to go to Harvard or Stanford or Yale, I deserve the support of my family. It is my parent's job to say "I love you. I want you to do your best in everything. I want you to be successful and amazing and great and to go as far as you can. I will support you and love you no matter what."

That's what they're supposed to say.

Thanks for the "I hope you marry a rich man because otherwise you'll be very disappointed," mom and dad. Thanks a lot.

I'm so glad to know that you're encouraging and loving and that you want me to do my best and go far and that no matter what, you care. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, ask yourself some questions:

"Do I know my daughter?"

"Why is she saying these things?"

"Is she just being dramatic or does she really feel this way?"

"Should I apologize?"

"How can I get to know my daughter for the first time?"

"What is she thinking?"

"What is she going through?"

"What is high school really like?"

"Is her life really a cake-walk like it seems?"

"Should I try to listen more instead of doing all the talking?"

"Should I try to swallow the anger or pride I feel to admit that maybe she's a little bit right?"


And this time, it's not okay if you don't understand. It's not.

Justified

When the thirteen colonies declared their independence from Great Britain, it was a turning point that would alter the course of human history. The Americans’ unlikely victory over their despotic parent country sparked the French revolution only a few years later, and instigated of the spread of the revolutionary idea of democracy. Never before had the idea of a free people electing its government been voiced. The founding fathers birthed the radical idea that the individual had the right to choose his governor. A popular notion is the impression that the colonists began a war over taxes. The Colonies were not justified in waging war against Great Britain because of taxes However, the colonists were absolutely right to fight for their freedom from the cruel tyranny of Great Britain. Unfair taxation was merely the last straw placed upon the colonies’ breaking back that was the catalyst for revolt.

Thomas Whately, architect of the Stamp Act, may have been correct in saying that Great Britain had the right to tax the American colonies because “We [Great Britain] are not yet recovered from a War undertaken solely for their [the Americans’] protection…they should contribute to the Preservation of the Advantages they have received.” However, the tax was not the problem, it was the fact that the colonies were being taxed without their consent that infuriated them so. The thirteen colonies did not go to war over taxes. This is a misconception. Unjust taxation was certainly added to a long list of wrongs, but it was not the only grounds for war.

The reasons for what became known as the Revolutionary War are defined clearly in a document known as the Declaration of Independence, in which the founding fathers stated exactly their motive for going to war. In the middle of the second paragraph can be found this line, which sums up the Declaration as a whole: “But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.” This radical idea was the basis of the Declaration: that the people themselves had the inherent right to decide whether or not their rulers were satisfactory.

For 150 years the American people had suffered, subjected to the whims of a pampered English king thousands of miles away. Thomas Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and John Dickinson together wrote a “Declaration of the Causes and Necessity of Taking up Arms” in order to explain to the American people why the colonies were going to war. In it, they say of the British government, “What is to defend us against so enormous, so unlimited a power?…We are reduced to the alternative of choosing an unconditional submission to the tyranny of irritated [British officials], or resistance by force. - The latter is our choice.” The signers of the Declaration of Independence believed in the ideas stated therein so passionately, that they were willing to risk open war with the world’s superpower. They were invoking one of their “unalienable rights” stated in their new Declaration: “…whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government…”

During the century-and-a-half of the forming of the colonial thirteen states, the people who lived in the New World removed themselves more and more from Great Britain as Great Britain pushed and shoved the colonies further and further away into the corner, seeing them as nothing more than a money machine. American colonists should have been awarded the rights of British citizens, but were instead subject to conviction without trial, unlawful imprisonment, and other such oppressions. The Declaration cites, “He [King George III] has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.” Because the British government that should have been protecting them had instead turned its back upon the colonists and was the cause of such injuries, the signers of the Declaration of Independence knew that a proclamation of their freedom from Great Britain was their only choice, even if it meant engaging in war.

A large portion of the Declaration of Independence is occupied by the colonists’ complaints against the Crown. These complaints begin with the assertion, “The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these states.” The Declaration goes on to say that, “He [King George III] is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.”

As the Declaration of Independence makes plain, Great Britain did not just tax the American colonists unfairly and without representation, but it committed a multitude of crimes against them. These colonists should have been treated as British citizens, but were instead abused and were treated, in general, appallingly. Because of Great Britain’s long, long history of mistreatment and exploitation of the American colonies, these colonies had every right to declare their independence and throw off their insufferable chains of bondage.

The Hallway

I stand still as people move around me. They come in waves, rushing around me as though I were not even there. Movement. They are in constant motion, like the rough waves of the ocean, surrounding me. Students brush me as they race past, jostling each other, competing for space; they are all attempting to occupy the same narrow hallway at the same time. They readjust backpacks and stop to tie shoes, laughing and joking with one another. The smell of teenagers is unmistakable: sweaty armpits, smelly feet, and too-strong cologne applied far too freely. I overhear small snippets of conversations. Pieced together, they can be quite comical. The football fans discuss the last game in dejected tones as the jocks pretend not to hear, lips tightly pressed together, eyes looking straight ahead. A boy makes his way through the throng toward me, muttering an apology as he bumps past me, keeping his eyes on the tiled floor. His only companion is a heavy backpack he has trouble lifting. Two sisters walk together, talking discreetly, probably about a boy. The sisters notice that I have heard part of their conversation and continue, but even more quietly now. Down the hall someone opens her locker and balloons and confetti spring out of it. A friend shouts happy birthday to her as she blushes and thanks him. A bell rings and instantly the hallway empties of people. I too walk into a doorway, but glance behind again at the hallway, strewn with confetti now and reeking of teenager, before I turn away.

My Fear Feels Like This

It is dark. The rain is coming down hard now. The flickering lights finally succumb to the storm and go out. A stab of lighting. Thunder booms behind me. I have my back to a window; I’m crouched low in corner, searching the darkness, hoping to see through the curtain of blackness before me. A low growl. My heart beats a little faster. I can hear it breathing, heavy, hot. It is close. I stare harder into the void. Another bolt of lighting and I see it. The split-second of light reflects off the beast’s eyes. They are red.

I tell myself to not be afraid. It will smell it on me. It will know. But I can’t help it. My breathing quickens a little. My eyes widen. My heart is pounding. It is a dog-like creature with teeth for ripping and tearing flesh. They are bone-crunching teeth, killing teeth. There is nowhere left for me to go. It has me cornered. At any moment it could attack. The beast’s growl comes again. I picture its black fur, its hackles rising. It is ready for the kill. There is no escape, I am helpless. I give way to the fear clawing at me. I surrender to the madness pressing upon me. I scream. Here it comes.

Don't Shed All of Those Leaves

Like the passing of summer and fall into winter is the passing of childhood into adulthood. When the last shuddering leaves fall, a bare, shivering tree is left behind. What a sorrow to see the barren tree and compare it with its once-upon-a-time splendor. Unknowingly, a child slowly shakes off her beautiful leaves: her imagination and wonder, her ignorance and naïveté, her simple laughter and trust. Like a tree and its leaves, when the winter of adulthood arrives, a child loses many of her most precious attributes.

As all children are, I was born as a beam of stardust into an ever-darkening world. My sole existence was to shine light where none could have been found before. My divine calling was to bring beauty and laughter, a breath of unpolluted air, to the gasping, dying peoples of the land. The happiness of my childhood self was a contagious thing, bringing warmth to the coldest heart, allowing a smile to form on the stoniest of faces.

My fantasies encompassed elves and fairies, talking animals, dragons and magic swords, and other such impossibilities. Daydreams once became reality with such ease. With nothing more than a change of garments, I could become Pocahontas, creeping through the forest silently, talking with the animals, or a princess seeking out her own destiny instead of waiting for Prince Charming. Later, a treasure-seeker setting out upon a quest that would lead me to many an adventure, doubtless involving countless unicorns and tigers, or a swashbuckling pirate sailing the seven seas and fighting off creatures of the deep. The dreams of children are such.

My childhood was spent in such pleasurable activities as snowball fights and sledding and skiing in the winter, and hiking and bicycling and stargazing in the summer. Being home schooled allowed me to experience the world at my own pace. I devoured book after book and soaked up facts and vocabulary and fantastical images, and I grew like a tree planted on the bank of a river. The constant stream of sources that challenged my imagination was the source of many a make-believe magical adventure. How I dreamed and thought and philosophized! I made new discoveries about the world around me everyday.

The molting of childhood is not something that occurs all at once. It is a slow process. So slow you do not realize it has begun, you do not realize that you are being stripped of these gifts of imagination and wonder that had brought you such joy. Slowly, my interest in fantastical things began to fade. I no longer meditated on the language of dragons or the dwellings of Hobbits. I began to be interested in other things, politics, ideas, and my future. Childhood is the contentedness that comes with blissful ignorance. Adulthood is neither a certain age, nor a specific period of time. It is the realization of impossibility.

With impossibility comes the death of countless dreams. The fungus of the world, its darkness, its hate, latches hold of you. It is like a parasite, feeding off your lifeblood until there is nothing left but an empty shell. Fashion, public opinion, politics, society’s approval, all of these hold sway. An angel becomes tainted with the evil of the world. Hate, malicious intent, cruelty, these are not the habits of a child, they are the practice of adults. “Innocence” is a forgotten word.

Adulthood need not be such a time of sorrow and regret. Instead, let us remember our childhood. Let us recall our past naïveté and ask how it can aid us today. We must allow ourselves to remember what is most important: love, selflessness, and joy, in comparison with malice, greed, and absolute disregard for our fellow human beings. After all, seasons change, and winter does not have to last forever.

When I was a child I lived each day, yearning for a tomorrow that never came. When adulthood caught hold of me, I let it carry me without realizing the damage it could cause. What I did not realize was that my childhood was a gift that I had been given, a gift that I should cherish and remember and recall once in a while. A balance has been reached. I hold on to my sense of wonder, my curiosity. Although I can no longer create reality with only my imagination, I channel my creativity into worthy artistic pursuits. I chase liberty and independence, but I remember where I began. I set aside my childish ideas and dreams, but I continue to show a childlike love and acceptance to all who may cross my path. I believe in the goodness of human beings and trust in my fellow man. I continue to reach for my dreams, somewhere in the star-filled heavens where my journey once began.

I Don't Understand You Either

I'd just like to say some things.

I am intelligent. I am entitled to the education my test scores say I am. If I want to go to Harvard or Stanford or Yale, I deserve the support of my family. It is my parent's job to say "I love you. I want you to do your best in everything. I want you to be successful and amazing and great and to go as far as you can. I will support you and love you no matter what."

That's what they're supposed to say.

Thanks for the "I hope you marry a rich man because otherwise you'll be very disappointed," mom and dad. Thanks a lot.

I'm so glad to know that you're encouraging and loving and that you want me to do my best and go far and that no matter what, you care. I don't know if you'll read this, but if you do, ask yourself some questions:

"Do I know my daughter?"

"Why is she saying these things?"

"Is she just being dramatic or does she really feel this way?"

"Should I apologize?"

"How can I get to know my daughter for the first time?"

"What is she thinking?"

"What is she going through?"

"What is high school really like?"

"Is her life really a cake-walk like it seems?"

"Should I try to listen more instead of doing all the talking?"

"Should I try to swallow the anger or pride I feel to admit that maybe she's a little bit right?"


And this time, it's not okay if you don't understand. It's not.

No Hurry 10/07

I'm not really in a hurry
I'm being judged by a jury
If you want I can wait
It won't ever be too late

You must know how I feel
But this has to be real
I don't want you to fake it
This is your chance, take it

I'm waiting for you to
To say if you do too
You can take your time
You know I'm on your side

It's all up to you
You know I'll stay here
I'm just standing here
I'm beginning to fear

But I will stand firm
I will stand still
You could choose her
I'll be here still

Waiting on Him 10/07

You're drivin' me crazy
Don't know what to do
Won't you please just ask me
Before I turn blue?


I'm holding my breath here
I'm holding on tight
Uncertain, I feel fear
Don't know if I'm right

By now you must know it
how I look at you
How could you not notice
How I just want you?

So please make up your mind
Stand and pick your side
Tonight it's hers or mine
Choose what you know is right

Just Found This Picture

I had no idea this picture even existed, but here it is now. This is me, Mary, and my cousin Raquel in Washington state in August at the Family Reunion.

Banners

I designed these two banners using Adobe Photoshop for my school's website.

Falling For You

V1:
You seemed so perfect then
With the qualities of men
But now you've shown your other side
The side that comes out at night

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew

V2:
There's another girl now
The jealousy I feel now
Don't let that bottle go to waste
Drown your worries take a taste

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew


V3:
If I don't go with you
If you were drunk what would you do?
I want to hold you but would you
Want more from me than I do?

Chorus
The you I thought I knew
It wasn't you at all
And now I'm trying to
Make sense of it all

I fell for
The sweeter side of you
I fell for
The little things you do
I fell for
the you I thought I knew